Newbie to LU, just registered, looking for a guide

[echoecho]

Your sincerity is awesome and staying true to direct experience. More important than anything anyone can say with words.

Now "I" - can you see this is a label, a word. Does this word refer to anything real that can be found at all? Is there a separate self? Only direct experience.

Yes, if anything its just a label. Like an old road sign no longer in use.

Does this word refer to anything real that can be found at all? No I can't see it referring to anything real - I don't find anything...a separate self. It sounds kinda ridiculous thinking about such a thing...

Yes, only direct experience. (For the longest time I kept hearing people say "direct experience this, direct experience that" - sounds silly but I had no idea what they were talking about - and i tried to stay away from concepts and what I didn't get directly in my experience (yes, direct experience lol) ...but you've managed to show me direct experience in my direct experience....and now I see there is only that, and no self/central management which everything must filter through.

[echoecho]

Beautiful. Yes seeing is happening and fantasies that cloud seeing are being seen as fantasies... "Beginners mind" is a great pointer and as I believe you see that is not something we produce either. It's just simple direct experience without overlay beliefs held tight...

You didn't answer: What does I refer to in direct experience?

Yes, "Beginners mind" to me is just not doing anything....being a blank slate.

"simple direct experience without overlay beliefs held tight" yes! i love this.

Is there even a blank slate seperable from direct experience? Is there seperate subject and object in direct experience or is that only language?

No separate blank state - it's just the language I used. There is just this. What it is.

(It's actually more confusing for me at this point to imagine myself as a separate blank state in relation to this...too confusing...!!) :))

[Elad]

You say it so beautifully and clearly ❤️

You are ready for the questions for other guides. Please answer ALL these questions in one message. Make sure you answer each one below "ANSWER" so it is easy to track which question you are answering. Take all the time you need and enjoy. After receiving your answer maybe you and I will inquire more together or maybe the other guides will have some things to inquire into with you. After that you and I will talk about onwards. If something doesn't feel possible to answer, stay honest to that. Keep it simple and real. Enjoy!





1) Is there a separate entity 'self', 'me' 'I', at all, anywhere, in any way, shape or form? Was there ever?

ANSWER:

2) Explain in detail what the illusion of separate self is, when it starts and how it works from your own experience. Describe it fully as you see it now.

ANSWER:

3) How does it feel to see this? What is the difference from before we started this dialogue? Please report from the past couple of days.

ANSWER:

4) What was the last bit that pushed you over; made you look?

ANSWER:

5) Describe decision, intention, free will, choice and control.

ANSWER:

6) What makes things happen? How does it work?

ANSWER:

7) What are you responsible for? Give examples from experience.

ANSWER:

6) Anything to add?

ANSWER:

[echoecho]

1) Is there a separate entity 'self', 'me' 'I', at all, anywhere, in any way, shape or form? Was there ever?

ANSWER:

I used to believe that there was a separate self, then for some time I think that a feeling of a self had faded and faded - but I never bothered to look. Working with Elad this past week, I did look, and I couldn't find anyone at all. I mean, I didn't just look - I'm basically looking non-stop since then and I see nothing identifiable as me. What i see is silence, no grasping about what this character is or wants or says. The trouble is it's been like this for quite a while, and I can't exactly remember what intense identification feels like. But I guess I feel a perpetual ease and not manic swings between highs and lows and good times and bad times...my self doesn't want anything...in fact there's nothing there anyway to want anything in the first place.

Is there nothing here in any shape or form? I did discuss this with Elad..I said I felt anger when I saw dangerous drivers bullying other drivers on the road. The meaning being there was still someone or some self here feeling intense emotions...

Was there ever? Well, only by drawing the conclusions I have recently, I see that no, there can't have been. There was an artificial construct which I took to be me.


2) Explain in detail what the illusion of separate self is, when it starts and how it works from your own experience. Describe it fully as you see it now.

ANSWER:

I feel this is a particularly hard question because even before this journey I didn't hold the character of me pretty close and dear. So perhaps the before/after contrast is less than it might be with some people.

And I've only drifted further and further from it, until now when I've seen through it. Well, Elad showed me through it - but I must admit I'm still playing with this and checking in daily life situations.

What is it? I suppose it's an evolutionary necessity. An advocate on our behalf which through seeing itself as separate from "external threats" creates a boundary and various protection mechanisms (to protect its "host" and its own existence). It's like if you have a child and they keep wanting to play with your mobile phone, so you give them a fake one to distract and fool them. This self is like that - we've been fooled and given this fake interface where we believe we have control and we're experiencing things "for real" - and we don't even know its happening.

As I see it now, it led to my permanent dissatisfaction through its continual thinking I will be happy when I get XYZ, thinking things or people or situations "should be" like this - which again leads to a constant dissatisfaction. Not seeing things for what they are by making snap judgments or creating a shortcut mental picture or abstraction of what something "was" but not experiencing it through direct experience to see what it really was. The mind is good at being smart but it work so fast on autopilot, we're never really HERE.

The separate self thinks its something special thing and manages to feel attacked all the time - "how could they do that to ME?!" It creates stories and narratives all revolving around ME where we are somehow the center of the story, or victim or the one being slighted or attacked, which in turn makes us antagonistic towards everything else. It creates a whole me vs them or the world dynamic. And the genius of the self is that if you buy into it, it is self-perpetuating..the more separate you feel the more separate you want to be.

As I also see it now, I'm also aware what a trickster it is. It is like a master of illusion or the devil - it is so charming and clever and knows exactly what to say and how to say it to get you to fall for whatever it is selling. And basically any thought is angling to sell you something rather than truly seeing something for what it is. Even in the spiritual path (or especially) it knows what tricks to pull ..through doubt, "if's and when's" - basically it makes us perceive or accept anything HERE NOW as it is, simply JUST THIS, NOW...it's always if i read that, or when i reach that or if i did that practice or read that book...I just haven't found the right book or teacher...the goal is always pushed beyond the horizon. "i don't have it" or "i'll have it when..." or "i'm not ready" or "this couldn't be it" - and the illusions are so masterful we fall for them every time!

In fact I said that to Elad very recently that I "wasn't ready"

3) How does it feel to see this? What is the difference from before we started this dialogue? Please report from the past couple of days.

ANSWER:

Well, at some point on the journey I realized this on the intellectual level. But to have it clearly pointed to me by Elad - I was both surprised but at the same time I realized it to be true. At times in my life people have asked me how I accomplished XYZ and I've always wanted to say "I don't know, I wasn't there" or someone overtook my body and did and said those things, not me! (Because that's honestly how I felt it happened) But through the simple exercises Elad gave me of observing direct experience about making a choice or looking at thoughts - it was stunning how i ever thought I was controlling all these things. I don't know how they happen now. I think I said before it was as if things just magically happen.

How does it feel to see this? I find it incredibly freeing. I was constantly monitoring. I also feel intense relief. MASSIVE RELIEF! I was always holding on so tight. I was always working so hard to make things "just so" adjusting, updating, changing, improving, tweaking, revamping, shaping, managing, controlling them. So knowing there is always a hand on the wheel, despite me letting go of the steering wheel is like magic really - I'm not sure how it is happening. But I'm not going to look a gift horse in the mouth! But in a way I don't feel this is "done", the old ways are so habitual that if I don't somehow stick with this that the old patterns could return.

But also a part of me is asking just a general question to the universe...i can't articulate it, but it might be something like what does this mean now? So I just kind of shape that into a curiosity and sit with it.

The difference with experience before we started was that i never saw this. There always a permanent feeling of something being wrong. Things were never right. There was always something I had to do or that had to change. That perfection was just around the corner, if i did this, that or the other. Now I feel everything is fine as it is. Is that awakening? Hmm, I have no idea at all because I'm not sure anything has happened.

I mean I'm still alive and have a life so things have to be done, and they get done - but they are practicalities. There is an ease now. I still have difficult things to do in my work - but I don't feel stress or any negativity. I'd say everything has an okayness and simplicity - but no never-ending joy or bliss.

4) What was the last bit that pushed you over; made you look?

ANSWER:

"pushed me over" - well, I think I said this before with Elad. I don't see a self, but i'm not sure what "pushed me over" exactly means? Pushed me over to what or where? Do you mean to really acknowledge no self was found? I don't see the self when i look, but that's all. What pushed me over was Elad asking me to choose between a coke and a beer and to look... and to see how that choice was made - or lack thereof. Or choosing numbers in a series - those exercises really pulled back the curtain for me.

5) Describe decision, intention, free will, choice and control.

ANSWER:

decision - it happens by itself in a way. i am not aware of a me making any machinations to make this happen. a decision just appears. I like the description Elad gave me "mysteriously and spontaneously" . Like the decision of a beer or a coke...a decision is made seemingly by itself

intention - what is intention? like wanting or planning to do something. i feel like these are all very similar - like i can't pinpoint how intention arises, but i still feel like i can get things done. i don't sit still all day not being able to do anything. but i can still intend to go to the supermarket or buy milk or walk the dog.. does an "I" intend to go and then go? I don't detect an I, but there is intention. I don't really know the answer to this.

free will - in direct experience I don't know. it's hard to know if there is or not. I guess I do feel like we are free to do anything we want, no one is stopping us. But, now that i don't feel like there is an I and also as I'm not sure how choice is made (it just arises), then "i'm" not really choosing anything - and if so, then there is no free will. Or there is free will but i'm not sure what's in charge of it...

choice and control - i have begun to see that these that choice happens "mysteriously and spontaneously" - i cannot pin down a me having complete ownership of the choice process. And control.... i feel like there is control. like when i was driving today - did i feel like i was in control of the car or was the car completely out of control? well, the car was in control at all times. is everything and all circumstances in control? well, I've never felt that. i've never felt like i could control anything really - we live in a world completely out of control - self or no self.

I'm not sure how to answer this...do i have control over my fingers typing this? yes. do i have control over my own body? yes. i can't say "it's moving by itself" and I have zero control over it - but do i feel a self? no...do i feel a self controlling it? no ...it does seem to be just going on ..i don't have to map out and plan my movements and think about it - but at the same time my body is not moving haphazardly and "out of control".

When the exercises were about thought - i did feel more out of control over the actual moment of "thought manifesting". I truly had or have no control over thoughts - not at all.

But do i feel the same way about control and all other things? I don't, not like how i see lack of control over thought.


6) What makes things happen? How does it work?

ANSWER: I really don't know.

7) What are you responsible for? Give examples from experience.

ANSWER: Sorry, I also don't know.

6) Anything to add?

ANSWER: No. Thank you.

[Elad]

Lovely, thank you Tim. A few questions from me:

"I said I felt anger when I saw dangerous drivers bullying other drivers on the road. The meaning being there was still someone or some self here feeling intense emotions..."

Look again now or next time intense emotions arise.

1) Are they in any way chosen by an agent/a self or they just arise?

2) Can you find a self that has these emotions or is it just sensations and thoughts that can actually be found?

3) So is there actually any real self, anyone real there experiencing it at all?


Regarding control: Of course conventionally speaking there is thing we can control and things we cannot. Conventionally speaking I know how to control a car on the road but not a plane in the air. But the point here is to answer what is really going on under this conventional level.

4) Is there really a self that controls the control? Or is control just there when it is there and not there when it is not there, caused by who knows what? (we could say endless causes and conditions from genetics to evolution to bichemistry etc etc or we could be more honest and say its essentially a mystery ).

5) Look at something you conventionally control, like moving a finger (as opposed to the your heartbeat rate that you conventionally dont control except if you are an advanced yogi). Move it some times. Do you REALLY control when and how it moves? If I ask you please raise your hand now! What happened? Was there anyone in control of what really happened, if a choice came to do it or not?

Look at direct experience not speculation.

6) Short and simple: Is there a separate self, has there ever been one?

Finally, regarding "what now, what is life now?": This sense of mystery and curiosity is natural. After LU we will talk about how continued exploration can happen with like-minded.

[Elad]

Also actually:

7) Does "the ego" exist as anything else then a thought, a concept? Can it be found in direct experience?

[echoecho]

Hi again Elad! Thank you for your patience and bearing with me! Your words are really precise and incisive, and help me look and see.

"I said I felt anger when I saw dangerous drivers bullying other drivers on the road. The meaning being there was still someone or some self here feeling intense emotions..."

Look again now or next time intense emotions arise.

1) Are they in any way chosen by an agent/a self or they just arise?

Ok, this is clear, the emotions/feelings are not chosen at all - much like thoughts. They simply arise by themselves. It's not like "uh oh i can feel myself getting angrier and angrier and I can't hold back!" ..it's more like i'm standing in ankle deep water, and the water level is rising and I'm watching it.

2) Can you find a self that has these emotions or is it just sensations and thoughts that can actually be found?

It's lucky there is such a plentiful supply of horrible drivers were I live - it's a daily spiritual practice living here. I tapped in to it again yesterday and really tried to break down the situation and feelings into its constituent components. I don't actually have a sticky feeling that *I'm* feeling anything nor could I find a self that is feeling emotions. It's impersonal in a way - like a kneejerk reaction. I'm not seething or losing my head or getting caught up in it.

If anything I am quite baffled by the whole thing, and detached.

In the midst of the situation I couldn't characterize any feelings as "I am very angry" but yes there is an intense sensation - and maybe that is all there is. There aren't that many thoughts. And I monitored how long the sensation signature lingered and it would subside quite quickly and be forgotten, with just traces of thoughts about why someone would be driving like they were in a Mad Max movie.

3) So is there actually any real self, anyone real there experiencing it at all?

I can see I was so used to the illusion - in the heat of the moment - it throws a physiological reaction, sensation and thoughts into the cauldron and with great sleight of hand, we jump to conclusions about emotions happening to *me*.

But i cannot find a self who is having any emotions - there's just sensations and thoughts coming by themselves. I'm definitely not creating them. I mean I don't find a self full stop and i can't hook these sensations that are arising to me somehow.

Regarding control: Of course conventionally speaking there is thing we can control and things we cannot. Conventionally speaking I know how to control a car on the road but not a plane in the air. But the point here is to answer what is really going on under this conventional level.

As soon as I read this, I thought to myself "ah, what controls the control?'

4) Is there really a self that controls the control? Or is control just there when it is there and not there when it is not there, caused by who knows what? (we could say endless causes and conditions from genetics to evolution to bichemistry etc etc or we could be more honest and say its essentially a mystery ).

I love how you put it! "is there a self that controls the control?" no, no, no. there's like an invisible hand behind it all that I don't know how it does what it does, but its there behind everything....

.......My head is literally spinning now - there is a unseen force/intelligence that is interwoven through all things..knowing what to do. it just knows, and then if so.....then i can't be doing what I'm doing...*its* doing...it, not me...never was me...it is moving through me...gosh something has just dawned on me.

i feel like the scene in (the movie) Alien when something is going to burst out of my chest! the energy is just uncontainable..

(this is a stream of consciousness so it might come across as silly... but I've always tried to answer honestly and represent what was happened this side, so messy as it might be, I wanted to communicate this...)

the only thing I'm thinking now is i don't want to lose this realization ... i feel like i am on cloud 9...I'm sure the feeling will pass, and that is ok...but i mean i hope i don't lose the understanding of it. and that is, there is no self and life is flowing through me. i see that now starkly. i am not in control and nor was i ever...

what is the control behind the control? simply i can say it is not me!

i always wondered why they called it a realization. because i have realized something...i have understood something...not through thinking so much, but by seeing, and seeing through having looked. But that wouldn't have happened if intellectually I hadn't understood what you were pointing to (of course it helps the pointers are so wonderful and clear), and looked where you told me to look!

Gosh. I should thank all those Mad Max drivers too!

I have to take a break...i'm in too much of a state to think straight...

I'll post this now, as I feel a bit discombobulated ...i'll let it settle, then reply some more... (Also my wife says we have to go shopping now!)

[Elad]

That's beautiful!! Just take good time with this. Let it move by itself as it does. When ready let me know what's going on, how it feels, and answer again:

Is there any separate self in control of anything, has there ever been a self or an ego in control of anything, or was it all along just thoughts?

[echoecho]

That's beautiful!! Just take good time with this. Let it move by itself as it does. When ready let me know what's going on, how it feels, and answer again:

Is there any separate self in control of anything, has there ever been a self or an ego in control of anything, or was it all along just thoughts?

I gave a little time since yesterday - about 24 hours. How does it feel? I guess I feel pretty much the same in all respects, except maybe just my bliss state (which isn't very blissful - but I don't know how else to describe it) is just a little elevated, everything feels a bit heightened. This has happened over the past year - these little elevations which perhaps just bring more clarity.

Is there any separate self in control of anything, has there ever been a self or an ego in control of anything, or was it all along just thoughts?

The reason I wanted to be descriptive in my last message was to, in a way, leave breadcrumbs. I know it's not a good idea to chase states or want to recreate any feelings - and its not about that..... I just get forgetful and I just wanted to note down on any observations. I seemed quite unequivocal yesterday about the state of self! But if I am honest today, I don't feel that same doubtless, unequivocal state.

By chance a video appeared in my feed yesterday, and the person speaking said without a shadow of a doubt "it's clear to me there is no self, and never has been" - and I thought I couldn't say the same with such honesty. Not that I believe the opposite - in fact I have first hand eye witness knowledge/experience of there being no separate self. But if I don't feel it 100% or 1000% in my direct experience, so I can't just give the "right" answer because I know what should be said - that would be pointless.

When I look now, do i see a self? I don't think I do when i search wholeheartedly and deeply. I see no self-referential thoughts, stickiness, agendas, imagined scenarios, and me in relation to this or that. In fact there's blankness, vastness, fullness, emptiness...i don't see a person..... but I can't help but feel there are fragments, traces in the shadows - even though I can't find them or easily identify them. I feel that the feel of me is still there somehow over everything. It's hard to place. It's as if the filter or lens of me was always the interface to the world ... like the analogy of the sunglasses. Now i don't feel that the sunglass tint is so strong, but it still feel like i haven't completely taken off the glasses even if they have less tint than before.

Thanks again for listening Elad.

[Elad]

That's beautiful!! Just take good time with this. Let it move by itself as it does. When ready let me know what's going on, how it feels, and answer again:

Is there any separate self in control of anything, has there ever been a self or an ego in control of anything, or was it all along just thoughts?

I gave a little time since yesterday - about 24 hours. How does it feel? I guess I feel pretty much the same in all respects, except maybe just my bliss state (which isn't very blissful - but I don't know how else to describe it) is just a little elevated, everything feels a bit heightened. This has happened over the past year - these little elevations which perhaps just bring more clarity.

Is there any separate self in control of anything, has there ever been a self or an ego in control of anything, or was it all along just thoughts?

The reason I wanted to be descriptive in my last message was to, in a way, leave breadcrumbs. I know it's not a good idea to chase states or want to recreate any feelings - and its not about that..... I just get forgetful and I just wanted to note down on any observations. I seemed quite unequivocal yesterday about the state of self! But if I am honest today, I don't feel that same doubtless, unequivocal state.

By chance a video appeared in my feed yesterday, and the person speaking said without a shadow of a doubt "it's clear to me there is no self, and never has been" - and I thought I couldn't say the same with such honesty. Not that I believe the opposite - in fact I have first hand eye witness knowledge/experience of there being no separate self. But if I don't feel it 100% or 1000% in my direct experience, so I can't just give the "right" answer because I know what should be said - that would be pointless.

When I look now, do i see a self? I don't think I do when i search wholeheartedly and deeply. I see no self-referential thoughts, stickiness, agendas, imagined scenarios, and me in relation to this or that. In fact there's blankness, vastness, fullness, emptiness...i don't see a person..... but I can't help but feel there are fragments, traces in the shadows - even though I can't find them or easily identify them. I feel that the feel of me is still there somehow over everything. It's hard to place. It's as if the filter or lens of me was always the interface to the world ... like the analogy of the sunglasses. Now i don't feel that the sunglass tint is so strong, but it still feel like i haven't completely taken off the glasses even if they have less tint than before.

Thanks again for listening Elad.

Good, honesty and authenticity is so key. Do you feel you miss anything? Is there anything you would wish to change? Is there anything you would want guidance with and if yes, what, why? Please answer as if this is a new conversation and nothing is taken for granted.

[echoecho]

That's beautiful!! Just take good time with this. Let it move by itself as it does. When ready let me know what's going on, how it feels, and answer again:

Is there any separate self in control of anything, has there ever been a self or an ego in control of anything, or was it all along just thoughts?

I gave a little time since yesterday - about 24 hours. How does it feel? I guess I feel pretty much the same in all respects, except maybe just my bliss state (which isn't very blissful - but I don't know how else to describe it) is just a little elevated, everything feels a bit heightened. This has happened over the past year - these little elevations which perhaps just bring more clarity.

Is there any separate self in control of anything, has there ever been a self or an ego in control of anything, or was it all along just thoughts?

The reason I wanted to be descriptive in my last message was to, in a way, leave breadcrumbs. I know it's not a good idea to chase states or want to recreate any feelings - and its not about that..... I just get forgetful and I just wanted to note down on any observations. I seemed quite unequivocal yesterday about the state of self! But if I am honest today, I don't feel that same doubtless, unequivocal state.

By chance a video appeared in my feed yesterday, and the person speaking said without a shadow of a doubt "it's clear to me there is no self, and never has been" - and I thought I couldn't say the same with such honesty. Not that I believe the opposite - in fact I have first hand eye witness knowledge/experience of there being no separate self. But if I don't feel it 100% or 1000% in my direct experience, so I can't just give the "right" answer because I know what should be said - that would be pointless.

When I look now, do i see a self? I don't think I do when i search wholeheartedly and deeply. I see no self-referential thoughts, stickiness, agendas, imagined scenarios, and me in relation to this or that. In fact there's blankness, vastness, fullness, emptiness...i don't see a person..... but I can't help but feel there are fragments, traces in the shadows - even though I can't find them or easily identify them. I feel that the feel of me is still there somehow over everything. It's hard to place. It's as if the filter or lens of me was always the interface to the world ... like the analogy of the sunglasses. Now i don't feel that the sunglass tint is so strong, but it still feel like i haven't completely taken off the glasses even if they have less tint than before.

Thanks again for listening Elad.

Good, honesty and authenticity is so key. Do you feel you miss anything? Is there anything you would wish to change? Is there anything you would want guidance with and if yes, what, why? Please answer as if this is a new conversation and nothing is taken for granted.

Do I feel I miss anything? From what time? I guess when I do "see" it is very lovely, and perhaps it's natural to enjoy that and want more of it. But I wouldn't say I actively miss it. Recently I've left countries, homes, jobs, belongings so I'm used to moving on and not holding on too tight.

Is there anything you would wish to change? About anything? No not really, I'm ok with things as they are. I can't think of anything I'd like to change.

Is there anything you would want guidance with and if yes, what, why? Please answer as if this is a new conversation and nothing is taken for granted.

It would be useful if I could identify a sticking point, but I can't. And I'm not sure about what guidance I need either. I'm not sure what i'm getting caught on. Maybe its just pure inertia, the pure momentum of the whole mind structure slowing down. But sitting with "what is the control behind the control" really seems to let me feel it's not me (controlling anything).

[Elad]

I gave a little time since yesterday - about 24 hours. How does it feel? I guess I feel pretty much the same in all respects, except maybe just my bliss state (which isn't very blissful - but I don't know how else to describe it) is just a little elevated, everything feels a bit heightened. This has happened over the past year - these little elevations which perhaps just bring more clarity.

Is there any separate self in control of anything, has there ever been a self or an ego in control of anything, or was it all along just thoughts?

The reason I wanted to be descriptive in my last message was to, in a way, leave breadcrumbs. I know it's not a good idea to chase states or want to recreate any feelings - and its not about that..... I just get forgetful and I just wanted to note down on any observations. I seemed quite unequivocal yesterday about the state of self! But if I am honest today, I don't feel that same doubtless, unequivocal state.

By chance a video appeared in my feed yesterday, and the person speaking said without a shadow of a doubt "it's clear to me there is no self, and never has been" - and I thought I couldn't say the same with such honesty. Not that I believe the opposite - in fact I have first hand eye witness knowledge/experience of there being no separate self. But if I don't feel it 100% or 1000% in my direct experience, so I can't just give the "right" answer because I know what should be said - that would be pointless.

When I look now, do i see a self? I don't think I do when i search wholeheartedly and deeply. I see no self-referential thoughts, stickiness, agendas, imagined scenarios, and me in relation to this or that. In fact there's blankness, vastness, fullness, emptiness...i don't see a person..... but I can't help but feel there are fragments, traces in the shadows - even though I can't find them or easily identify them. I feel that the feel of me is still there somehow over everything. It's hard to place. It's as if the filter or lens of me was always the interface to the world ... like the analogy of the sunglasses. Now i don't feel that the sunglass tint is so strong, but it still feel like i haven't completely taken off the glasses even if they have less tint than before.

Thanks again for listening Elad.

Good, honesty and authenticity is so key. Do you feel you miss anything? Is there anything you would wish to change? Is there anything you would want guidance with and if yes, what, why? Please answer as if this is a new conversation and nothing is taken for granted.

Do I feel I miss anything? From what time? I guess when I do "see" it is very lovely, and perhaps it's natural to enjoy that and want more of it. But I wouldn't say I actively miss it. Recently I've left countries, homes, jobs, belongings so I'm used to moving on and not holding on too tight.

Is there anything you would wish to change? About anything? No not really, I'm ok with things as they are. I can't think of anything I'd like to change.

Is there anything you would want guidance with and if yes, what, why? Please answer as if this is a new conversation and nothing is taken for granted.

It would be useful if I could identify a sticking point, but I can't. And I'm not sure about what guidance I need either. I'm not sure what i'm getting caught on. Maybe its just pure inertia, the pure momentum of the whole mind structure slowing down. But sitting with "what is the control behind the control" really seems to let me feel it's not me (controlling anything).

Good, stay with "what is the control behind the control" and write me daily what happens and if you have question. Lets just give it time like this (might just be one day, might be much more) and see what unfolds and what's helpful.

[echoecho]

Good, stay with "what is the control behind the control" and write me daily what happens and if you have question. Lets just give it time like this (might just be one day, might be much more) and see what unfolds and what's helpful.

Hi Elad, that sounds good. I'll check in tomorrow. Thank you as always :)

[Elad]

Good, stay with "what is the control behind the control" and write me daily what happens and if you have question. Lets just give it time like this (might just be one day, might be much more) and see what unfolds and what's helpful.

Hi Elad, that sounds good. I'll check in tomorrow. Thank you as always :)

With love 🌻 Here is also an exercise for you to do. Maybe we will throw in some exercises here and there to deepen seeing:

Introductory Body Exercise

Sit with eyes closed for about 15 minutes.
Paying attention only to the pure sensations, without relying on thoughts or mental images:
Can it be known how tall the body is?
Does the body have a weight or volume?
In the actual experience does the body have a shape or a form?
Is there a boundary between the body and the clothing? Is there a boundary between the body and the chair?
Is there an inside or an outside?
If there is an inside - the inside of what exactly?
If there is an outside - the outside of what exactly?
What does the word/label ‘body’ ACTUALLY refer to? What is the ACTUAL experience of the body?
Look very carefully, especially with the last question. Take your time, don’t rush. You can look several times during the day while doing other things (like washing hands, showering, having a short break from work, walking, etc) before replying.


Finally please also notice, when you describe seing or not, being certain or not, by thinking about how you are across time, a cross the day, etc. are you then referring to direct experience or to thoughts? Where can seeing and certainty happen? In direct experience or based on a story of self across time?

[echoecho]

Good, stay with "what is the control behind the control" and write me daily what happens and if you have question. Lets just give it time like this (might just be one day, might be much more) and see what unfolds and what's helpful.

Hi Elad, that sounds good. I'll check in tomorrow. Thank you as always :)

With love 🌻 Here is also an exercise for you to do. Maybe we will throw in some exercises here and there to deepen seeing:

Introductory Body Exercise

Sit with eyes closed for about 15 minutes.
Paying attention only to the pure sensations, without relying on thoughts or mental images:
Can it be known how tall the body is?
Does the body have a weight or volume?
In the actual experience does the body have a shape or a form?
Is there a boundary between the body and the clothing? Is there a boundary between the body and the chair?
Is there an inside or an outside?
If there is an inside - the inside of what exactly?
If there is an outside - the outside of what exactly?
What does the word/label ‘body’ ACTUALLY refer to? What is the ACTUAL experience of the body?
Look very carefully, especially with the last question. Take your time, don’t rush. You can look several times during the day while doing other things (like washing hands, showering, having a short break from work, walking, etc) before replying.


Finally please also notice, when you describe seing or not, being certain or not, by thinking about how you are across time, a cross the day, etc. are you then referring to direct experience or to thoughts? Where can seeing and certainty happen? In direct experience or based on a story of self across time?

Hi Elad, Thank you for the exercise - it's good to have something to focus on. It's quite a lot to chew on here, and I didn't get time to do it all today. I'll reply tomorrow if that's ok.