The Gate

Hello

How do you feel to see that there is no controller, no one managing things ?

It feels strange yet compelling.
However when I’m stressed or I have an argument I feel like it’s “me”
Also afterwards I feel regret plus blame.
There coulds and shoulds

So generally when everything is bimbling and puttering along nicely I am fascinated by how I’m not my thoughts and more so possibly about the body. I’m still looking at this as it feels very significant. And I’m not sure it’s fully sank in

Is there a you, John, a separate self in any shape or form?

As mentioned above there can be a me somewhere hanging on

With gratitude

John.

Hi John

As mentioned above there can be a me somewhere hanging on

The problem resides in identification with the body and thoughts. There are actions and reactions due to our conditioning : family, gender, country, culture, religion, social rules, education, etc ... Conditioning is still here after seeing through the illusion of a separate self. You know why? because there never was a you, a separate self in the first place. The key is to be aware of conditioning when it is operating. What is unconscious now will be lightened and known.

Where is this me hiding? Let me know about it, elaborate.

Best for you

Hiya Warissem

So missed yesterday as I was travelling with family

Where is this me hiding? Let me know about it, elaborate.

Ok it seems to be strongest when I feel I should’ve done something differently, when there’s some regret or self blame. So within strong negative emotions

Thanks

Good morning John

Ok it seems to be strongest when I feel I should’ve done something differently, when there’s some regret or self blame. So within strong negative emotions

How does it sound when you say it like this :
It seems to be strongest when it feels that something should be done differently.

There is an exercise I invite you to do. It takes about 20 minutes and you will need a pen a paper.

This exercise is broken into 10 minute lots. For each 10 minute period pay attention to any bodily sensation ie is there any tightening, or any relaxing?

For the first ten minutes write down what you are experiencing right now using the word “I”.

For example: I am sitting on a chair, I am hearing a clock ticking, I am looking at a computer screen, I am feeling hungry. Get right to the point, no past or future fantasy, just a plain description of your experience right here and now.

Then for the next ten minutes continue writing down what you are experiencing but this time without using the word “I”. Just describe the experience as it is happening using verbs. For example: sitting on a chair, typing, breathing, blinking, hearing the clock. (Again, watch what is happening in the body.)

At the end of the twenty minutes compare the two ways in which the experience was labelled and answer the following four questions:

1. Is one truer than the other, and If so, which one?
2. What is here without labels?
3. Do labels affect the experience or just describe it?
4. Did you notice any differences in the body?

Best for you

Morning

1. Is one truer than the other, and If so, which one?
2. What is here without labels?
3. Do labels affect the experience or just describe it?
4. Did you notice any differences in the body?

1. The second one feels more accurate
2. Just what’s happening in the five senses. One at a time
3. They describe it but when believed there’s a different quality to it. For example when I look at the body and find only labels that effects the experience to when I believe the ideas about my body. Similar if I get caught in thoughts and believe I’m thinking versus seeing just thoughts
4. It’s less dominant in experience. Everything is lighter

I think there’s still the feeling/ belief that I’m a doing things and taking decisions. Not always. But that then feeds the story of should/ blame/ regret

Thanks

Hi John

Good observations.

I think there’s still the feeling/ belief that I’m a doing things and taking decisions. Not always. But that then feeds the story of should/ blame/ regret

A feeling is a sensation + a thought. Is there a belief outside of thoughts?

About doing things :
Are you doing the seeing?
Are you doing the hearing?
Are you doing the smelling?
Are you doing the tasting?
Are you doing the feeling of sensations?
Are you moving the body?

About decisions making :
What is a decision outside of thoughts?
Are you making thoughts arise?

Ponder on each question, look at direct experience before giving answers.

Stories about should/blame/regret :
Is it seen clearly that they are only stories ?
If so, is there a you (John, a separate self) inside the stories ?
Is there a you, John noticing the stories?

Give a great weight to the questions above and take time to look.

Have a nice day.

Hello

So I’ve taken time with these

A feeling is a sensation + a thought. Is there a belief outside of thoughts?

No. The belief / feeling that I’ve done something and therefore can feel regret/ wish I did otherwise is a chain of thoughts. They link to a feeling in the body but that feeling is just a sensation and was there before the thought and had they have nothing to do with each other

About doing things :

No to all of these.

About decisions making :
What is a decision outside of thoughts?
Are you making thoughts arise?

This is the key thing for me.
Decisions are thoughts and I don’t control thoughts.
The whole “I” thing is only happening in thought too
So there’s no regret really just a thought about a thought that attaches to a body sensation to create a tangle that’s labelled regret.

Is it seen clearly that they are only stories ?

Yes. I think I was expecting them to stop

If so, is there a you (John, a separate self) inside the stories ?

No I’m part of the story. Without the story there’s no me actually.

Is there a you, John noticing the stories?

No there’s just another thought which somehow creates an illusion that it’s somehow observing everything. But this is another more subtle thought. Not always noticeable as a thought

Thanks. Things are clarifying

Hi John

Glad to read your answers.

we think that we know many things, but as you can notice, all what we know as appearances, thoughts, ... are a second hand knowing. Question : what do you know first hand right here now?

Best for you

Hi Warissem

what do you know first hand right here now?

There is a here ness and a now ness.
That’s all that I’m sure of…

Good evening

Great. Is there separation between what is here now and the knowing of it?

Is there still seeking ?

Feel free to expose any lasting doubt here.

Best for you

Hello and good morning

Is there separation between what is here now and the knowing of it?

Great question! No it’s the same

Is there still seeking ?

There’s not seeking. But there is still frustration appearing when expectations aren’t matched.
Loads of micro irritations. Over silly small things

Noticing that thoughts aren’t mine and that “i” is within thought has created a lot of relaxation and flow. But I then trip up constantly with tiny frustrations.

With warmth

Good morning

There’s not seeking. But there is still frustration appearing when expectations aren’t matched.
Loads of micro irritations. Over silly small things

Expectations are thoughts, expectations for whom?
Is there more than what is here now?

Noticing that thoughts aren’t mine and that “i” is within thought has created a lot of relaxation and flow.

Great

But I then trip up constantly with tiny frustrations.

What is a frustration in direct experience ?
Is there an expression through the body?

Seeing through the illusion of a separate self is not the end because the old habits and conditionings are still operating. When emotions arise just look at the raw sensations without labeling them. Example : fear. It is the word "fear" put on a sensation in the body (stomach, gut or wherever). Discard the word "fear" and look only at the raw sensation and see what is behind it.

Waiting for your insights

Good morning

Ah yes !

There is only what’s here now.
The frustration is actually a thought attaching to a sensation. When I drop the thought there’s no expectation or frustration

What is a frustration in direct experience ?
Is there an expression through the body?

Frustration isn’t in DE. It’s in thought. It’s from believing expectation thoughts. These then find a sensation to justify themselves. It’s thoughts about thoughts about thoughts tangled up with sensations that really have nothing to do with the thoughts

When this happens the body gets tenser in response to the mess of thoughts. This then helps justify the thought of frustration

It’s disorienting and fun. There’s no control. There’s just thought and sensation.
It’s impossible to know the next thought.
Or whether I’ll believe it through reacting to it with another thought or whether I’ll just let it go and be free in that moment. Free of a me, frustration, expectation, blame.

It’s a bit like falling into what I thought was a mirror

Thank you!

Good morning John

You have done a great job till now. Are you ready for the final questions which are usually asked to end the dialog?

Wishing you the best

Hello

Yes fire away. Thanks