Good evening Gitte,
Tears just poor down at every given moment. It is like tears in the heart and the throat tightened up
Ok, you call it sadness but I want to make sure that it's not grief.
The difference is that sadness has a sweet flavor to it and it's devoid of stories (apparently) whereas grief is loaded with stories about how it shouldn't be.
The heart and throat sensations do seem to indicate sadness, but are there ideas about how wrong it is?
It feels like this physical feeling stops me from doing or achieving anything.
Yes, both can incapacitate you. There is no room for anything else.
The story I have been telling myself is that since my mother claims to be right, then I must be wrong...at all times.
Ah, this sounds like grief. Grief over what could be but isn't. Grief over what is missing in that relationship.
Mothers are supposed to be nurturing, not combative.
Then in order not to alienate her you adopt a victim role. "you must be wrong".
There is sadness in not choosing just to be for a lifetime.
You don't get to choose this.
Choice, decisions, control are all delusions if you believe them. They are fundamental to the suffering that comes from the idea that things can be different to the way they are.
..and the way that they are isn't what your mind says they are.
The way that they are in absolute terms is beyond the human mind to comprehend. (so it's a mystery)
The way the mind describes them is a personal interpretation, and it's always wrong.
If you accept that for yourself, then you also have to accept that it is that way for your mother too. She is innocent in the delusion that she is right. Neither of you are.
with love
vince