The Gate

Hi Henri,

I hope you had an enjoyable Christmas. :)

Sit with eyes closed for about 15 minutes. Paying attention only to the pure sensations, without relying on thoughts or mental images:

Can it be known how tall the body is? Does the body have a weight or volume? In direct experience does the body have a shape or a form?

No, to all.

Is there a boundary between the body and the clothing? Is there a boundary between the body and the chair?

No, to all.

Is there an inside or an outside? If there is an inside - the inside of what exactly? If there is an outside - the outside of what exactly?

No.

What does the word/label ‘body’ actually refer to?

Just the thought of a body. The body doesn’t exist as a separate thing, without thought or mental images there is no separation.

What is the direct experience of the body?

There isn’t a body. Even sensations – stomach gurgling or pain – are just sensations that are felt; not felt anywhere in particular, just felt.

I had trouble with some of these until I reread the question. I had stopped ‘word’ thoughts but not mental images. With mental images I could feel the difference between body and clothes and tell that there was pain in my leg etc. But without them, there’s no separate objects or separation at all.

(I now realise mental images are thoughts too, but I had originally assumed that thoughts meant ‘word’ thoughts :) )


Aldo :)

I hope you had an enjoyable Christmas. :)

You too!

There isn’t a body. Even sensations – stomach gurgling or pain – are just sensations that are felt; not felt anywhere in particular, just felt.

I had trouble with some of these until I reread the question. I had stopped ‘word’ thoughts but not mental images. With mental images I could feel the difference between body and clothes and tell that there was pain in my leg etc. But without them, there’s no separate objects or separation at all.

(I now realise mental images are thoughts too, but I had originally assumed that thoughts meant ‘word’ thoughts :) )

You are very clear so far.

So what makes you think you haven't had a shift in seeing there is no inherent self?

What do you expect to happen when there is a shift?

Hi Henri,

So what makes you think you haven't had a shift in seeing there is no inherent self?

I can see there’s no self, but then it’s time to make dinner and the story of ‘me’ and my life and what ‘I’ have to do kicks in and the illusion seemingly becomes reality again.

What do you expect to happen when there is a shift?

I think I expect an actual shift, something like reality is seen first and then the illusion second, rather than having to keep on trying to see what’s real.

I think I haven’t integrated what I’ve seen into daily life yet. There seems to be ‘normal’ life, and then when I look for reality I can find it, but it’s a separate thing. Like everything is in separate compartments. The two 'worlds' don't overlap.

What’s the best way to integrate what I’ve seen into everyday life? Just keep seeing/questioning the illusion as much as possible?

Aldo :)

I can see there’s no self, but then it’s time to make dinner and the story of ‘me’ and my life and what ‘I’ have to do kicks in and the illusion seemingly becomes reality again.

I think I haven’t integrated what I’ve seen into daily life yet. There seems to be ‘normal’ life, and then when I look for reality I can find it, but it’s a separate thing. Like everything is in separate compartments. The two 'worlds' don't overlap.

When there is the sense of self during the day, get curious about what it is that is making things happen.

So, we have direct experience, which is seeing, hearing, feeling, tasting, smelling + thought.

When there is a sense of self, separate it into the senses that are involved, and inquire into each sense.

For example, let's say I feel a sense of self behind the eyes, and there's a thought 'this is me'. I would inquire:

Sense of self behind the eyes = sensation = are these sensations the self?
Thought 'this is me' = thought = is this thought the self?
Image of self behind the eyes = thought = is this image the self?

Objections will likely rise up. If so, keep inquiring into those, such as 'Of course there is a self, I'm right here'.

Thought 'Of course there is a self, I'm right here' = thought = is that thought the self?

Then maybe there's a feeling/contraction in the chest, so you inquire into that. Are those sensations the self? Where is it?

If you end up in a quiet place, rest there. Remember, no answer is the answer. There is no answer possible from thought. This needs to be felt into and repeated over and over.

What’s the best way to integrate what I’ve seen into everyday life? Just keep seeing/questioning the illusion as much as possible?

This path is unique to each person, so trust your own experience. I would say to keep looking over and over. Separate the senses and look, as above. You can also go back in this thread and re-do the previous pointers and use them during the day to look.

Here's a pointer that might help:

Your body naturally navigates life, and gives you data on what it resonates with and what it doesn’t.

For example, have you ever had a ‘gut feeling’ that you shouldn’t do something, and you did it anyway?

Or maybe you felt like doing something that made no logical sense, but it led to exactly what you needed at that time in your life?

It may not make sense logically, but the body knows more than we are aware of.

These yes/no signals often come as expansion/contraction, light/heavy, open/closed, but they may be different for you.

They can happen spontaneously or need time to become clear (a sign that you need time is that you think you need to be faster).

What I’d like you to do for next day is this:

1. Tell your mind that you will conduct an experiment for 24 hours, and that things will return to normal after that if appropriate (this is to get some space and focus on the body)

2. As often as you can, pay attention to what your body feels drawn to do. If it isn’t convenient to do this for all decisions, then do it for small ones, or whenever you can.

(If you have a hard time connecting to your body, just do your best. Look at this as an experiment and play with it.)

3. Pay attention to how your inner GPS communicates with you. Where is it in your body? What does it feel like? Is it instant or does it require time? (focus on direct experience)

4. Also notice how thoughts about self affect the body. What do you find?

If you experience thoughts such as:

- “This doesn’t work”
- “Why are you doing this?”
- “This is silly”
- “This is unsafe”

Tell your mind that you’re just doing it for 24 hours to see what it’s like.

What happened? Report back what you discover.

Let me know if you have any questions :)

Hi Henri,

When there is the sense of self during the day, get curious about what it is that is making things happen.

For example, let's say I feel a sense of self behind the eyes, and there's a thought 'this is me'. I would inquire: Sense of self behind the eyes = sensation = are these sensations the self?

If you end up in a quiet place, rest there. Remember, no answer is the answer. There is no answer possible from thought. This needs to be felt into and repeated over and over.

This worked really well. When I inquired, the sensation of ‘self’ disappeared almost instantly. I had to keep doing it (maybe 4-5 times) but very soon there was silence. Every sense that came up afterwards seemed to instantly realise it wasn’t ‘self’ and disappeared.

A large portion of the day was in a strange silence. A sense of self arose in different circumstances but each time I questioned it and it disappeared.

The sense didn’t always come from the same area. Sometimes it seemed to come from the top of my head, then the middle, then from a constant diameter around the body, then from behind the eyes… This questioning has made a big difference. :)

What I’d like you to do for next day is this:

2. As often as you can, pay attention to what your body feels drawn to do.

3. Pay attention to how your inner GPS communicates with you. Where is it in your body? What does it feel like? Is it instant or does it require time? (focus on direct experience)

At first I thought it was in the heart area, but now I can’t tell where it is; it's just there. It’s a strange feeling. It directed me towards doing things without thought / pros – cons / doubts etc. It happened instantly and really matter of fact, no wants or emotions involved.

4. Also notice how thoughts about self affect the body. What do you find?

Tension arises, and fearful sensations in the gut. It creates feelings of uncomfortableness which then create doubts and worries. What seemed clear and obvious before then feels scary and uncomfortable and worrisome.


Thank you,
Aldo :)

This worked really well. When I inquired, the sensation of ‘self’ disappeared almost instantly. I had to keep doing it (maybe 4-5 times) but very soon there was silence. Every sense that came up afterwards seemed to instantly realise it wasn’t ‘self’ and disappeared.

A large portion of the day was in a strange silence. A sense of self arose in different circumstances but each time I questioned it and it disappeared.

👍

At first I thought it was in the heart area, but now I can’t tell where it is; it's just there. It’s a strange feeling. It directed me towards doing things without thought / pros – cons / doubts etc. It happened instantly and really matter of fact, no wants or emotions involved.

And have thoughts ever made a decision, or are they always after the fact?

Tension arises, and fearful sensations in the gut. It creates feelings of uncomfortableness which then create doubts and worries. What seemed clear and obvious before then feels scary and uncomfortable and worrisome.

Yes, isn't it interesting how these contractions are taken as self/me and then something has to be protected?

And have thoughts ever made a decision, or are they always after the fact?

They always chime in afterwards. They're kind of pointless in a way. They're like the guy who joins in at the end of a project, then accepts credit for everyone else's work!

Yes, isn't it interesting how these contractions are taken as self/me and then something has to be protected?

Yeah, it's instantly felt too. As soon as the thought of a 'me' arises fear kicks in. It's amazing.
.

They always chime in afterwards. They're kind of pointless in a way. They're like the guy who joins in at the end of a project, then accepts credit for everyone else's work!

yes 😁

Yeah, it's instantly felt too. As soon as the thought of a 'me' arises fear kicks in. It's amazing.

For the next few days, bring this into your daily life as much as possible.

You can separate the senses, or you can use something like the drinks or palm exercise where you look at if there is a decider.

Choose what feels most interesting to explore. Set an alarm if you find you aren't remembering to check during the day.

Any questions? Let me know.

At this point it simply comes down to noticing when the sense of a doer arises and looking over and over again. You are already very clear on this, so it just needs to sink in.

Hi Henri,

Happy New Year! :)

For the next few days, bring this into your daily life as much as possible.

You can separate the senses, or you can use something like the drinks or palm exercise where you look at if there is a decider.

Choose what feels most interesting to explore.

At this point it simply comes down to noticing when the sense of a doer arises and looking over and over again. You are already very clear on this, so it just needs to sink in.

I spent the last couple of days re-doing the exercises you sent and watching/feeling the sense of self arise. The last 24 hours I've been looking constantly at the thoughts that arise and noticing the self arise in the same 'place' as thoughts. I can clearly see that it's a mental phenomenon, but I don't think there's been a shift.

My mind is quieter and my confidence in recognising thoughts and the sense of self as they arise is extremely high. The sense of self is getting weaker/quieter and normally disappears as I notice it arising. The sense of self feels a little dejected at the moment. A bit depressed. It's getting no love, and no bolstering, no positive vibes.

That is the only progress I can report at this stage...


Aldo :)

I spent the last couple of days re-doing the exercises you sent and watching/feeling the sense of self arise. The last 24 hours I've been looking constantly at the thoughts that arise and noticing the self arise in the same 'place' as thoughts. I can clearly see that it's a mental phenomenon, but I don't think there's been a shift.

Keep bringing this into everyday life and looking.

My mind is quieter and my confidence in recognising thoughts and the sense of self as they arise is extremely high. The sense of self is getting weaker/quieter and normally disappears as I notice it arising. The sense of self feels a little dejected at the moment. A bit depressed. It's getting no love, and no bolstering, no positive vibes.

If the sense of self is a thought, can it feel dejected?

There are emotions coming up and you are ascribing them to a self, but who/what is it that feels all of this?

And an important distinction here: This is not meant to bypass the emotions. In fact, go into them fully, see what's needed, and rest there without any labels of what it is.

So when there is a sense of self that feels something, look at how that is created in direct experience. It's likely a sensation that is labeled as something. Separate the senses and look into each one. Where is this self that feels this?

Hi Henri,

If the sense of self is a thought, can it feel dejected?

No.

So when there is a sense of self that feels something, look at how that is created in direct experience. It's likely a sensation that is labeled as something. Separate the senses and look into each one. Where is this self that feels this?

There are emotions coming up and you are ascribing them to a self, but who/what is it that feels all of this?

I don’t know who/what feels it, but I can see it’s just sensations arising. My mind was assigning those sensations/feelings to the sense of self. I spent some time noticing that there’s just sensations arising and watching how the mind assigns them labels and values etc.

The sense of self feels a little dejected at the moment. A bit depressed. It's getting no love, and no bolstering, no positive vibes.

And an important distinction here: This is not meant to bypass the emotions. In fact, go into them fully, see what's needed, and rest there without any labels of what it is.

This created a big shift. I wasn’t fighting against the rising emotions but I wasn’t feeling them fully either; I just let them be. But as soon as I tried to go into them and fully feel them, they disappeared (popped!) one by one. And the burst of ‘good feelings’ and clear-ness was incredible. I even felt physically well and happy for no good reason. :)

This seems to have shifted something. I can’t find a sense of self in direct experience, or in my mind/thoughts. It just feels like a large open spacious area of happy vibes and contented-ness. Even if I try and create a sense of self in thought, it instantly dissolves.

Is there a way I can test this better? :)

Thanks,
Aldo :)

This created a big shift. I wasn’t fighting against the rising emotions but I wasn’t feeling them fully either; I just let them be. But as soon as I tried to go into them and fully feel them, they disappeared (popped!) one by one. And the burst of ‘good feelings’ and clear-ness was incredible. I even felt physically well and happy for no good reason. :)

Nice!

This seems to have shifted something. I can’t find a sense of self in direct experience, or in my mind/thoughts. It just feels like a large open spacious area of happy vibes and contented-ness. Even if I try and create a sense of self in thought, it instantly dissolves.

Is there a way I can test this better? :)

We can check in a few days. For now I'd say to just be with this and enjoy for the next couple of days :)

Hi Henri,

I hope you are well. :)

The normal self-state returned a few days back after/during a family function. For a day or so I couldn’t work out why I felt so uncomfortable, unstable……awful! Then I realised and did everything I originally did and the clear spaciousness returned. I dropped back into the place where something is watching the thoughts come and go, and where there’s no ‘me’.

If I just stay in the spaciousness, will ‘I’ eventually stay there for good, or is it something you must always do?

Thanks,
Aldo :)

You may find an article I wrote helpful: https://www.wakeupcloud.com/expectations-of-awakening/

Just because you see there's no inherent self doesn't mean you always feel good, it simply means there is no doer. That's it.

It has nothing to do with spaciousness or anything else. You can be in deep grief yet see that there is no one grieving, but grieving is still going on.

Often what can start to come up after seeing this are emotions, old patterns, and habits.

Hi Henri,

Just because you see there's no inherent self doesn't mean you always feel good, it simply means there is no doer. That's it.

I might not have expressed that the best way. By ‘feeling bad’ I meant ‘suffering’ – in the Buddha sense of suffering – not just having a bad day etc. It was just such a stark difference that I thought it was worth mentioning.

It has nothing to do with spaciousness or anything else. You can be in deep grief yet see that there is no one grieving, but grieving is still going on.

Often what can start to come up after seeing this are emotions, old patterns, and habits.

Okay, it feels like the goalposts moved a bit. So what should I be doing? Waiting for emotions, old patterns, and habits to pop up?

You lost me a bit with, "It has nothing to do with spaciousness or anything else." What’s it got to do with? And how do I do that?

Sorry if I’m not understanding what you’re trying to say.

***I wrote the above earlier, and I’ve been pondering. I don’t think I’ve let go of the story of ‘me’. I can clearly see that ‘I’ don’t exist and that the story is a fantasy etc. But I’ve never actually just let go of the story, or let go of ‘me’. I remember reading that it disappears the moment you see that it’s fake, and I must of just stuck with that assumption.

If I try to let it go, that’s when feelings of fear and sadness start welling up in my gut… Maybe that’s what I’ve neglected to do? (...or subconsciously avoided...)

Thanks,
Aldo :)