Seeing through self clearly, no more doubts.

[warissem]

Good morning

Glad to hear from you

True, I can see that when I stop and recognize it.

There is no you to recognize it. Is it seen that there is no you in any shape or form, there never was, it will never be?

It's all happening and there's nobody doing anything. Awareness is always here, whether or not there's recognition of it in the moment.

Yes.

I was constantly doubting myself

Is there really an I doubting ? or what is said above is a train of thoughts?
Do you see the subtle difference between an I (a concept) which pretends to doubt and SEEING (being aware) of a train of thoughts containing "I" and "myself"?

because most of the time awareness was not aware of itself in the moment and there was expectation here that once the shift happened, awareness would be constantly aware that "I am aware". However, from what I understood, this is a gradul process due to habits that are still playing here. is that right?

First, awareness is not a noun : instead of saying "being aware" we say "awareness" for the convenience of language.
Second, in direct experience, there is never an instant when there is not awareness, even in deep sleep. Can you describe an experience where there is no awareness of it? Even knowing that you are lost in thoughts, there is awareness of it. Do you see this?
It does not need a process to know that you are aware and notice that "being aware" does not need a you to operate. It is natural and ordinary. There is not awareness being aware, there is only being aware (a verb) and it can be put to the verbs like seeing, hearing, smelling, tasting, touching or feeling (sensations), knowing (thoughts). Examples : being aware of thoughts, being aware of sounds and sights, being aware of sensations, ...
I invite you to practice again the exercice about the body given in a previous post and just be aware of what is going on when eyes are closed : sounds, sensations, thoughts, etc ... and SEE if there is a you, a separate self being aware?

Thank you for your patience.

You are much welcome.

[FerCortez]

Hi Warissem, good morning.

There is no you to recognize it. Is it seen that there is no you in any shape or form, there never was, it will never be?

Yes, it's when this imaginare "I" get out of the way, awareness shines, effortless, recognition happens, then all that appears is seen as objects, every movement of mind is caught and seen.

Is there really an I doubting ? or what is said above is a train of thoughts?
Do you see the subtle difference between an I (a concept) which pretends to doubt and SEEING (being aware) of a train of thoughts containing "I" and "myself"?

Yes, it's just thoughts that have been believed and identified with. Doubt is just a thought that appears and when it's not seen as such, it seems there's this "I" doubting.

In direct experience, there is never an instant when there is not awareness, even in deep sleep. Can you describe an experience where there is no awareness of it? Even knowing that you are lost in thoughts, there is awareness of it. Do you see this?

Yes, awareness is always on, no matter whether there's identification with thoughts or not. But awareness is not always aware that it's aware, and that's the thing that was bothering me, this recognition in the moment. I also see that this "I" that is bothered is also just a thought believed, and that's why it can perpetuate this confusion until is seen as such.

And SEE if there is a you, a separate self being aware?

There isn't, there just stilness, silence, openness. Sensations, thoughts and sounds are just dancing in this space.

I notice that this is still quite unstable here, there are days it's more clear and days I get caught in the mind's web getting all confused again. However I've been sitting more with these practices and each time we have these conversations I feel it gets more clear, it's like you rescue me from the mind's web and place me in the right place again. lol.

Thank you again, it's been supér helpful.

Kind regards

[warissem]

Good morning Fernando

Yes, awareness is always on, no matter whether there's identification with thoughts or not.

Yes

But awareness is not always aware that it's aware, and that's the thing that was bothering me, this recognition in the moment.

Fine, are you 24/7 face to the mirror ? Awareness being aware of itself is a mirroring :being knowingly aware is a "practice" to actualize the knowing "I am awareness" instead of "I am Fernando" or "I am a body" or whatsoever. I invite you to read Michael Langford's book about that.
There is no you to be bothered? Do you see how this "me" is sticky?

I also see that this "I" that is bothered is also just a thought believed, and that's why it can perpetuate this confusion until is seen as such.

Great to have seen this : I retire the last question above.

And SEE if there is a you, a separate self being aware?

There isn't, there just stilness, silence, openness. Sensations, thoughts and sounds are just dancing in this space.
Wonderful, there is no more it, how do you feel to see this?
Is there something more than what is here now?
Is there separation between these sensations, sounds, ... and the knowing of them?

I notice that this is still quite unstable here, there are days it's more clear and days I get caught in the mind's web getting all confused again.

There is no you to notice things : all happens without you. It gets more clear for whom? Describe this "I" which is caught?
Do you see that all what is said, all doubting thoughts, all the confusion are enlightened, there is awareness of them?

However I've been sitting more with these practices and each time we have these conversations I feel it gets more clear, it's like you rescue me from the mind's web and place me in the right place again. lol.

There is no you to be rescued, there is only pointing to the sun over the clouds, remind you that the clouds are enlightened by the sun.

Thank you again, it's been supér helpful.

You are welcome, best wishes.

[FerCortez]

Hey, good morning.

Fine, are you 24/7 face to the mirror ? Awareness being aware of itself is a mirroring :being knowingly aware is a "practice" to actualize the knowing "I am awareness" instead of "I am Fernando" or "I am a body" or whatsoever. I invite you to read Michael Langford's book about that.

Great, I get it know. This is a practice and it might be still useful for a while here. The habit of being stuck in thoughts are still strong and this vigilance seems to be required for now. With regards to the book, awesome, I've already started reading the book.

There isn't, there just stilness, silence, openness. Sensations, thoughts and sounds are just dancing in this space.
Wonderful, there is no more it, how do you feel to see this?
Is there something more than what is here now?

Relief, peace, relaxation. No, life feels simple, just this, this moment, nothing else. Everything else is mind cluttering the simple experience of this.

Is there separation between these sensations, sounds, ... and the knowing of them?

No, just this moment, no me, no one or thing apart from this. I can't say anything about this, it's just this... Can't be simpler than that. There's so much lightness here right now, it's like a heavy bag I've been carrying has dropped. whole body is vibrating as I write this.

Thank u so much.

[warissem]

Hi Fernando

No, just this moment, no me, no one or thing apart from this. I can't say anything about this, it's just this... Can't be simpler than that. There's so much lightness here right now, it's like a heavy bag I've been carrying has dropped. whole body is vibrating as I write this.

Great, I am glad that you have seen through the illusion.
Is there still seeking?
Anyway, feel free to expose any lasting doubt about this stuff.

Best for you

[FerCortez]

Hi Warissem, good morning.

Is there still seeking?
Anyway, feel free to expose any lasting doubt about this stuff.

I can't say there's seeking in a way it was before, since now it's clear that whenever there's a thought of seeking, it's this becoming two again, the ilusion of a separate "me" is back, it's like getting away from this. It's only when seeking completely stops that true abiding happens. Mind still tries to do that though, not for long since it's clear it won't find anything there. In these last days moments of "getting it" and "lost it" also seems to happen. It's so clear and obvious in moments of clarity, but still moments of doubt comes questioning if that was real.

There's also still a feeling here that it has to go deeper and it will progress as this abiding happens more and more.

Thank you

Fernando Cortez

[warissem]

Hi Fernando

I invite to watch these videos about back and forth and beliefs.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PUDzrCLlrj4
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vJQcD588g2w

There's also still a feeling here that it has to go deeper and it will progress as this abiding happens more and more.

Yes, it will happen or not, is there a you waiting something to happen?

Best for you

[FerCortez]

Hi there, good morning.

I invite to watch these videos about back and forth and beliefs.

That's perfetct, exactly what I needed to hear in times of confusion. So many great points in these videos and exactly what's been happenning here. Theret's so much instability here lately, like never before. One day, clarity, peace, the other confusion, doubt, anger, sadness. Omg, it's been intense, people around me, especally my wife don't recognize me anymore, I don't either, just surfing those waves and learning from them, no more judgments or beliefs it should be diferrent, that's very liberating.

Yes, it will happen or not, is there a you waiting something to happen?

No, just beliefs, maybe for seeing so many people talking about these stages of realization, there's this belief I'm not there yet. This "I" doesn't exist, never did, so there's no "me" that will deepen the realization, there's just this abiding in itself and allowing everything to be as it is. Any waiting is just a thought that appears in this. Sometimes it's seen as it comes and sometimes takes a little longer to see it, but once seen it's released, awakeness is now, always here, this exact moment. Deepening happens "right here" and any worry about this put attention on thoughts and future, creating more ilusions. That's been more and more clear here.

I can't thank u enough for your help.

[warissem]

Hi Fernando

Yes, emotions and feelings which are hidden, show themselves in this stage. Just let them be, come and go like clouds in the sky.

Are you ready to answer to the final questions which are usually asked here ?

Best for you.

[FerCortez]

Hi Wariseem.

Great, yes, I’m ready.

Thank you

[warissem]

Good morning

These are the questions, ponder on each and elaborate the answers given through direct experience.

1) Is there a separate entity 'self', 'me' 'I', at all, anywhere, in any way, shape or form? Was there ever?

2) Explain in detail what the illusion of separate self is, when it starts and how it works from your own experience. Describe it fully as you see it now.

3) How does it feel to see this? What is the difference from before you started this dialogue? Please report from the past few days.

4) What was the last bit that pushed you over, made you look?

5) Describe decision,
intention,
free will,
choice and control.

What makes things happen? How does it work? Give examples from experience.

What are you responsible for? Give examples from experience.

6) Anything to add?

Best wishes

[FerCortez]

Hey, good morning.

1) Is there a separate entity 'self', 'me' 'I', at all, anywhere, in any way, shape or form? Was there ever?

No, there isn't, it never existed.

2) Explain in detail what the illusion of separate self is, when it starts and how it works from your own experience. Describe it fully as you see it now.

There are thoughts and sensations happening, and there was identification with that, thinking they were "mine", creating a sense of a separate self. Thoughts talking to thoughts creating an ilusion of a self.

3) How does it feel to see this? What is the difference from before you started this dialogue? Please report from the past few days.
It feels liberating, freeing, relaxing, expanded. There's nothing else to do anymore, no seeking. Seeking is of the mind, searching in the future for a better experience, searching for something other than this, but it's HERE, always been here, this moment, effortless. The seeking kept me looking out of this moment, preventing me to recognize this.

4) What was the last bit that pushed you over, made you look?
Nothing new actually, things I heard so many times but mind kept searching and searching nonstop, until mind finally stopped and this was revealed. But the words w ere something like this "it's here already, it's always here, don't move, stop". It wasn't a blow up experience, there were lots of expectations of fireworks, but it was a simple recognition of this, it felt like dropping a lot of weight.

5) Describe decision,
intention,
free will,
choice and control.

What makes things happen? How does it work? Give examples from experience.

What are you responsible for? Give examples from experience.

It's a mistery, they are just happening, no one choosing or making decisions. They all happen by themselves, thoughts might come after saying "I did it", but they are thoughts appearing after decision was made or sitatuon happened. The problem before was not seeing it and believing in these thoughts. No more beliefs that a situation could be different that it was, or that "I" could have done better.

Real examples of this here would be getting up to take a glass of water, take the dog to walk, a decision to go to the gym after finishing this. "I" haven't choosen any of these, they are all appearing out of nothing, decisions happening, body moving, all flowing natural and spontaneously, life happening without a "me" controlling it. There might be a feeling "I am" controlling it, but also, just a feeling happening, the difference is that there is no more a belief there's an "I" controlling it, it's seen for what it is.

6) Anything to add?
Nothing else to add or do, just rest here, knowingly be it.

I can't thank you enough.

All the best.

[warissem]

Hi Fernando

I invite other guides to look at your answers, there could be questions from them.
Be patient.

Best for you