Diving into direct experience

[Jairi7]

Hi Henri,

- How is the movement controlled?

Ehmm, tough to answer. The movement happens completely on its own. Even when it occurs alongside a thought (like ‘I’m gonna move my hand … now!’) it still seems like the hand moving had nothing to do with the thought.

- Does a thought control it?

No, it just happens to occur alongside thoughts sometimes.

- Can a ‘controller’ of any description be located?

No, the hand moves when the hand moves. There is no controller. Though it still feels like there is a ‘witnesser’ of the hand moving.

- How is the decision made to turn the hand over? Track any decision point when a thought MADE THE DECISION to turn the hand over and the hand turns over immediately.

I don’t think there is any decision point. At least I have not been able to locate it. And even if there were any decision point then it is certainly not ‘my’ decision.

- Who or what chose which hand - the left or right hand for the exercise?

No one, at some point the hand just turned over.

- Can you find a separate individual or anything that is choosing when to turn the palm up or down?

No, very clearly not.

While I was doing this exercise it almost felt like I was looking at a movie screen. It also felt like I was looking at someone else’s hand and arm. Like I said, it almost felt like I was witnessing the hands in the movie screen from some point at a very short distance from the screen. Rather than being the content of the screen itself. However, there still seemed to be a ‘witnesser’ that witnessed the movie screen if that makes sense.

~ Jaïr

[Bluejay]

While I was doing this exercise it almost felt like I was looking at a movie screen. It also felt like I was looking at someone else’s hand and arm. Like I said, it almost felt like I was witnessing the hands in the movie screen from some point at a very short distance from the screen. Rather than being the content of the screen itself. However, there still seemed to be a ‘witnesser’ that witnessed the movie screen if that makes sense.

Can you look closer at how this witnesser is experienced?

Is the perceived distance part of the image seen? What is the distance made of?

What are the building blocks that are needed to create the witnesser? (building blocks are the 5 physical senses such as hear, see, feel, smell, touch, and then we have thought)

Look for the border between the witnesseR and the witnesseD, can you find it?

[Jairi7]

Hi Henri,

Is the perceived distance part of the image seen? What is the distance made of?

The distance is not part of the image. It is beyond the image for lack of a better word. It almost seems like there is emptiness behind, in front of, above, below and to the sides of the image. The ‘witnesser’ seems to be somewhere in the emptiness in front of the image. However, I do not experience the emptiness so I’m not even sure if it is there at all. As a result, the distance between the ‘witnesser’ and the image is made of nothing. I cannot even really call it a distance, since there is nothing to relate the distance to. On closer inspection, the distance (and by extension the ‘witnesser’) are just thoughts trying to impose some 3D world view upon the image which has become much flatter. However, this last part might be leaning more towards speculation than direct experience. I’m not entirely sure.

What are the building blocks that are needed to create the witnesser? (building blocks are the 5 physical senses such as hear, see, feel, smell, touch, and then we have thought)

It seems to be made up solely of some extremely subtle thought. But I’m not completely sure.

Look for the border between the witnesseR and the witnesseD, can you find it?

I cannot find it, but the witnesseR is so subtle that I have not been able to clearly look everywhere in my experience either.

These questions were very tough to answer, because everything seems so incredibly subtle.

~Jaïr

[Bluejay]

The distance is not part of the image. It is beyond the image for lack of a better word. It almost seems like there is emptiness behind, in front of, above, below and to the sides of the image. The ‘witnesser’ seems to be somewhere in the emptiness in front of the image. However, I do not experience the emptiness so I’m not even sure if it is there at all. As a result, the distance between the ‘witnesser’ and the image is made of nothing. I cannot even really call it a distance, since there is nothing to relate the distance to.

What is the direct experience of emptiness? Image? Sensation? Sound?

If you do not experience the emptiness, you wouldn't know it's there, so how do you know there is emptiness?

Does emptiness exist, or is it another idea?

On closer inspection, the distance (and by extension the ‘witnesser’) are just thoughts trying to impose some 3D world view upon the image which has become much flatter. However, this last part might be leaning more towards speculation than direct experience. I’m not entirely sure.

If you're not sure, keep looking. Everything is made up of the building blocks of the 5 physical senses or thought. If there is confusion, that's almost always thought.

It seems to be made up solely of some extremely subtle thought. But I’m not completely sure.

Usually the idea of the witnesser tries to stay alive by thoughts that tell you that it is very subtle, cannot be grasped, 'permeates everything'.

Note that all of these are also just thoughts. There is nothing special here.

What is the difference between a subtle thought and a normal thought in direct experience?

I cannot find it, but the witnesseR is so subtle that I have not been able to clearly look everywhere in my experience either.

If the witnesser is witnessing everything, it should be quite easy to find, right?

It should be present with each thought, each sensation, each sound. If you do not find it, that is the answer.

Do not be fooled by thoughts that say that it is subtle, ungraspable, and so on. Look from head to toe. The 5 physical senses are constantly active, so the witnesser should be there to witness them all the time if it exists.

[Bluejay]

These questions were very tough to answer, because everything seems so incredibly subtle.

Forgot this one. Since this is new, it can be tough at first. It usually gets easier, like walking in from a bright outside to a darker house inside, the eyes adjust. Just enjoy and try to relax :)

[Jairi7]

Hi Henri,

What is the direct experience of emptiness? Image? Sensation? Sound?
If you do not experience the emptiness, you wouldn't know it's there, so how do you know there is emptiness?
Does emptiness exist, or is it another idea?

I have no direct experience of the emptiness and so I can not know whether this emptiness exists. It is just another idea. I thought that the sensory experiences would expand into the infinite and become larger and larger over time. However, looking back this may have been a believe/concept based on hearsay rather than my own experience.

Usually the idea of the witnesser tries to stay alive by thoughts that tell you that it is very subtle, cannot be grasped, 'permeates everything'.
Note that all of these are also just thoughts. There is nothing special here.
What is the difference between a subtle thought and a normal thought in direct experience?

Hmm, interesting, I didn’t even notice that these were just thoughts until now.

If you're not sure, keep looking. Everything is made up of the building blocks of the 5 physical senses or thought. If there is confusion, that's almost always thought.

I will keep looking for ‘witnesser’. Can you send me more of those questions, they really lit some kind of a fire previous time.

~Jaïr

[Bluejay]

I have no direct experience of the emptiness and so I can not know whether this emptiness exists. It is just another idea. I thought that the sensory experiences would expand into the infinite and become larger and larger over time. However, looking back this may have been a believe/concept based on hearsay rather than my own experience.

Yes, exactly. There are many spiritual/awakening concepts that are taken aboard without scrutiny. This is normal.

Hmm, interesting, I didn’t even notice that these were just thoughts until now.

You can always check for yourself. If it's not one of the 5 physical senses, it's a thought/idea.

I will keep looking for ‘witnesser’. Can you send me more of those questions, they really lit some kind of a fire previous time.

Watch this: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eNwAVOYVMac

Feel free to follow along with the guided inquiry on finding the "I".

Then do something that brings up the witnesser. I don't know what that is for you. Maybe it's watching a sensation, sound, or thought?

Once the witnesser 'shows up' use the Unfindable Inquiry above. Separate the witness into the 5 senses + thought and inquire.

For example:

These sensations in the head, are these the witnesser?
The words 'I am watching', is that the witnesser?
The thought image of watching, is that the witnesser?

And so on.

Let me know if you have any questions. :)

[Jairi7]

Hi Henri,

Watch this: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eNwAVOYVMac; Feel free to follow along with the guided inquiry on finding the "I".

Thanks, I will. I’ll check back in tomorrow to let you know how it went and to ask some questions if any pop up.

~Jaïr

[Bluejay]

Sounds good. Thanks for letting me know!

[Jairi7]

Hi Henri,

Just an update, I have been doing the inquiry. I have just one question. I noticed the video series is split up in five parts. For now I have only focused on the first part and not on the other four. Are the other four parts also useful to watch? Or should I focus on only the first part for now and move on to the other four parts later?

~Jaïr

[Bluejay]

You can watch the other parts. They are also excellent and we will most likely get to them at some point anyway.

Prioritize our conversation if possible, and then watch the others if you want :)

[Jairi7]

Hi Henri,

You can watch the other parts. They are also excellent and we will most likely get to them at some point anyway. Prioritize our conversation if possible, and then watch the others if you want :)

Understood!

I watched the other parts of the video series as well. It was extremely insightful and clear. Just as you explained, every ‘object’ can be deconstructed into some sensations/thoughts. The thought part of this deconstruction is now so much more clear suddenly. When I think of ‘my’ feet with my eyes closed I feel the sensations in my feet (sensations) but also see a picture of my feet (thoughts). I just always thought that only physical things could be deconstructed, but obviously concepts and ideas are just a collection of sensations and thought as well. I knew this intellectually obviously, but experientially I was not completely aware of this yet. As an example, I remembered that I had to do some work behind my computer this evening. The direct experience of this was: some feeling in my stomach and an image of my desk and computer (thought). This image was now much more clearly experienced then before. And so within half a second the task went from very heavy and solid for lack of better words to incredibly light and floaty (even accompanied by a small sigh of relief lol).

I also just keep finding new beliefs one after the other. Most of which I was not even remotely aware of at first. When ‘things’ are seen clearly there is also just nothing to grab on to. During the body identification video (part 4 I believe) the form of my body became super weird at several points. The form only became ‘normal’ once an image of the body popped up and went back to weird once the image was recognized.

Right now I just feel like I want to keep doing the deconstruction over and over and over again.

~Jaïr

[Bluejay]

The direct experience of this was: some feeling in my stomach and an image of my desk and computer (thought). This image was now much more clearly experienced then before. And so within half a second the task went from very heavy and solid for lack of better words to incredibly light and floaty (even accompanied by a small sigh of relief lol).

That's great.

You can also approach it from an emotional angle where you say a sentence like: I want to do this work at my computer.

This will bring up objections and resistance most likely. Then you allow that to be and welcome it in the body. You repeat the sentence until the emotional charge is done/gone.

This can often also reveal beliefs and commands. You say the sentence, and then you may hear things like "No, it's too much," or "I'm afraid," and so on.

I also just keep finding new beliefs one after the other. Most of which I was not even remotely aware of at first. When ‘things’ are seen clearly there is also just nothing to grab on to. During the body identification video (part 4 I believe) the form of my body became super weird at several points. The form only became ‘normal’ once an image of the body popped up and went back to weird once the image was recognized.

Things can get weird. Enjoy the ride if you can!

Right now I just feel like I want to keep doing the deconstruction over and over and over again.

Trust what resonates. Keep doing it. Report back here every 24-48 hours and share what you've discovered :).

[Jairi7]

Hi Henri,

These are some of the things I have found over the past few days:

1. Whenever it feels like my sense of self retreats back into my facial sensations I try to feel the facial sensations. However, I did not notice that this feeling is always accompanied by an image of the sensation. The image is always an image from the point of view of the inside of my face (and therefore always completely black, but with some kind of distinct flavor that resembles the part of my face). I have heard about thoughts reflecting images, words, sounds, even taste and smells etc. But is it also possible for thoughts to reflect some kind of sense beyond these five senses. Because that is what it feels like. I also noticed that this sense is the basis of all my decisions. But I have not been able to trace it back to one of the five classic senses. It seems to be closest to the body sensations, but is not quite the same. I ask this question because it feels like the five senses can be penetrated further into this one underlying sense. When deconstructing objects I sometimes find thoughts that reflect this underlying sense and therefore was curious if this may be another thing I’m imagining or if it is an actual reflection. I don’t know how much sense this made, but I’d really like to hear your thoughts on this.

2. The visual field is often accompanied by a thought that resembles some kind of large black space in which the seeing experience occurs. Since the contents of these thoughts were seemingly empty (black) I never noticed they were thoughts.

3. Finally, I noticed that even music is often accompanied by many rapid fire thoughts. For example, the lyrics of the song appearing in my head or some future part of the song appearing in my head etc. I had not noticed before to what extent there is thought involved in everything. It is much more than I had noticed before.

~Jaïr

[Bluejay]

1. Whenever it feels like my sense of self retreats back into my facial sensations I try to feel the facial sensations. However, I did not notice that this feeling is always accompanied by an image of the sensation. The image is always an image from the point of view of the inside of my face (and therefore always completely black, but with some kind of distinct flavor that resembles the part of my face). I have heard about thoughts reflecting images, words, sounds, even taste and smells etc. But is it also possible for thoughts to reflect some kind of sense beyond these five senses. Because that is what it feels like. I also noticed that this sense is the basis of all my decisions. But I have not been able to trace it back to one of the five classic senses. It seems to be closest to the body sensations, but is not quite the same. I ask this question because it feels like the five senses can be penetrated further into this one underlying sense. When deconstructing objects I sometimes find thoughts that reflect this underlying sense and therefore was curious if this may be another thing I’m imagining or if it is an actual reflection. I don’t know how much sense this made, but I’d really like to hear your thoughts on this.

Images don't always have to be clear. Sometimes you don't even have to see the image, but you feel it. Perhaps this is what you are referring to?

Often during this inquiry as the sense of self starts to get cornered, there can be thoughts like "the self cannot be known, it is everywhere" similar to the witness permeating everything.

But how is all of this known? Even if there's a feeling that there's something beyond the five senses, how do you know this?

If you have a sense for it, then there is sensation involved. And to label it beyond other senses, thought is involved.

Because that is what it feels like. I also noticed that this sense is the basis of all my decisions.

Are you in control of this sense?

Is it making decisions?

2. The visual field is often accompanied by a thought that resembles some kind of large black space in which the seeing experience occurs. Since the contents of these thoughts were seemingly empty (black) I never noticed they were thoughts.

3. Finally, I noticed that even music is often accompanied by many rapid fire thoughts. For example, the lyrics of the song appearing in my head or some future part of the song appearing in my head etc. I had not noticed before to what extent there is thought involved in everything. It is much more than I had noticed before.

Nice!