Re: Working through the first three fetters & not identifying with not identifying!
Posted: Tue May 16, 2023 10:50 am
Hi Stacy,
Something shifted - while not having shifted at all because it became so obvious it was always there and is here now.
I opened a live video of someone I follow on social media who does breathwork and he was saying:
"We are going to set our intention for the day ahead. We are going to ask ourselves 'who would i like to be today?', 'which version of me would I like to show up?'. Connecting with yourself for a moment, a deep sense of self. Think about what would make today great. We have the power to choose how our day unfolds. We have a choice."
I immediately closed down the video. None of that resonated, especially after the pointer here to look at 'control'. My chest had tightened, my stomach churned, my head shook 'no' as I heard that. I saw the thought arise 'that is bs' in relation to what he said. I walked around picking up things from the floor and putting them back in their place, seeing the movements just happening without a plan or anyone / anything controlling them. I heard the sound of my laughter, laughing out loud.
I reached out for a notebook and caught sight of what I had written down a while ago: "I'd love to truly deepen my connection with myself". Why? WHY? I don't need to do anything. I don't need to seek anything. There is no 'self' to connect to! We are all constantly seeking, when there isn't even a "we", a "seeker" - it's illusion. This is so obvious right now.
I could tell by the sound of my own laughter that the thought of control is absurd. Then I saw my thought label 'mass illusion, mass suffering' and tears started flowing and again: a tight chest, head shaking, heaviness, crying. Mass suffering for nothing. All the seeking just adds onto the illusion that there is a 'self' to connect to. It's endless suffering to seek because nothing will be 'found'. There is nothing to find when all there is is actual experience. Then there was awareness of laughter, breathing, lightness and expansion. Wow.
With gratitude,
Aya
.
Something shifted - while not having shifted at all because it became so obvious it was always there and is here now.
I opened a live video of someone I follow on social media who does breathwork and he was saying:
"We are going to set our intention for the day ahead. We are going to ask ourselves 'who would i like to be today?', 'which version of me would I like to show up?'. Connecting with yourself for a moment, a deep sense of self. Think about what would make today great. We have the power to choose how our day unfolds. We have a choice."
I immediately closed down the video. None of that resonated, especially after the pointer here to look at 'control'. My chest had tightened, my stomach churned, my head shook 'no' as I heard that. I saw the thought arise 'that is bs' in relation to what he said. I walked around picking up things from the floor and putting them back in their place, seeing the movements just happening without a plan or anyone / anything controlling them. I heard the sound of my laughter, laughing out loud.
I reached out for a notebook and caught sight of what I had written down a while ago: "I'd love to truly deepen my connection with myself". Why? WHY? I don't need to do anything. I don't need to seek anything. There is no 'self' to connect to! We are all constantly seeking, when there isn't even a "we", a "seeker" - it's illusion. This is so obvious right now.
I could tell by the sound of my own laughter that the thought of control is absurd. Then I saw my thought label 'mass illusion, mass suffering' and tears started flowing and again: a tight chest, head shaking, heaviness, crying. Mass suffering for nothing. All the seeking just adds onto the illusion that there is a 'self' to connect to. It's endless suffering to seek because nothing will be 'found'. There is nothing to find when all there is is actual experience. Then there was awareness of laughter, breathing, lightness and expansion. Wow.
With gratitude,
Aya
.