Thank you. Here are my last two answers to you questions.
5) a)
Describe decision,
intention,
free will,
choice and control.
What makes things happen? How does it work?
Give examples from your own recent experiences to how things happen and how things work.
Decision is in this experience a force. A pull. Maybe an energetic sensation in the body combined with a strong belief or thought that feels like an act. It feels like the focus from the attention is very narrow, but it feels empty.
Intention, however, feels more real. It feels more deep than decision. Almost like the intention is prior to the decision. It also more subtle. A very subtle belief or sensation in the body. It doesn't need to be related to a decision. It can stay there without being analyzed and looked at.
Free will is the freedom from taking decisions. Its freedom from a doer. Free will is nature itself which is the only thing that "knows" what to do about anything.
Choice is options. Something that seems like a 50 % 50 % decision without the action, or feels like uncertainty about what the right action is.
Control is the thing that makes the choice into a decision. It can feel like a 'me', having control of the situation or environment, but it is in fact just a choice that evaporates into a decision.
Control is also passive. It can be felt when there is awareness or presence. Actually, it seems like control is the opposite of what I thought about control before. Control is more passive or silent. It is peaceful and free. It is similar to free will, but control feels more "bossing" like there is a doer there. I am not a fan of the word. You could also say that it is an experience where your intention is in alignment with the environment. When you loose control, you feel you are unable to affect the experience according to your intentions.
What makes things happen? How does it work?
It is tempting to say that nothing makes things happen and that it doesn't work, it is or just happens. But it feels like there is at least some kind of infinite movement behind all that happens, but even that just happens. It works by its own brilliance and intelligence. There is a feeling that things I thought didn't work before is part of something bigger that works. That said, it seems things are orchestrated in a helpful way sometimes and I definitely could imagine things to be a lot more difficult to make things not work. Why did I drink alcohol on Friday? If it happened it worked because I am writing this sentence right now, and I cannot blame myself and see another way this could have gone. In that way it is perfect. And when an intention to make some food is in my awareness it works to decide which food I need, and choose the right amount of ingredients. It also works to make a wrong decision, because then that ends up in something unexpected, which is not necessarily "wrong".
b)
What are you responsible for? Give examples from your own recent experiences to how this works.
I am responsible for my decisions. And my intention is related to what I feel responsible for. If my intention is to never drink alcohol again, I feel responsible if I drink alcohol. If I don't have this intention, then I don't feel responsible for drinking alcohol, even though I am responsible. In the end, there is nothing to be responsible for, because the intention is not a choice, it is more like a feeling in the heart, which is perfectly synchronized with the environment. A response happens when there is awareness and presence in whatever is happening. No one chooses this response or the awareness and presence. It is being able to respond (Response(able)). Some are not able and some are, it seems. A reaction is missing the awareness and presence, but is not necessarily less responsible as a person. It is a paradox it seems. That is why I feel that intention is a good place to start when you want to find out how responsible someone are.
6)
Anything to add?
I think I was hoping for a more radical shift, although I was trying to not have any expectations. And that is part of the shift as well, not having any expectations anymore (there is still some like expecting to eat lunch today). I don't think this is the end, so there might be a gradual unfolding.. And still, that is also just a thought! The difference in the experience seem subtle. But there is some kind of shift. The thought loops have stopped it seems, or happens less. It feels great to know that everything can be a belief until examined more closely, or experience the truth directly through the 5 senses, and Angelo DiLullo's video today (
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QuHy3Nq ... lwaysAwake) is a perfect description of what I have come in contact with. And it still doesn't feel as ecstatic as I was hoping for. But that is okey. I know that is just a thought, which is ecstatic enough in itself if I look close enough.
Looking forward to your reply
Love
Torgeir
