Good evening,
1) Is there a separate entity 'self', 'me' 'I', at all, anywhere, in any way, shape or form? Was there ever?
No. There is no 'self', 'me' or 'I' at all, and there never was.
2) Explain in detail what the illusion of separate self is, when it starts and how it works from your own experience. Describe it fully as you see it now.
The illusion is simply attention contracting around the content of thought. When we experience something, there is the actual experience (seeing, hearing etc) and then there are thoughts about the experience. These thoughts build a narrative of what is happening and are often times self referential. Since thoughts are "enticing" (attention seems to rest on the content of thoughts often for whatever reason) we inevitably get lost in the stories they tell, including the story about the separate self, giving rise to the "illusion of self".
3) How does it feel to see this? What is the difference from before you started this dialogue? Please report from the past few days.
- It feels effortless: There is nothing for "me" to do.
- It feels relaxed: Things are unfolding as they always have. There is nothing to rush towards.
- It feels light: The distinction between truth (AE) and lies (content of thought) seem more vivid
- It feels liberating: It's ok if things don't go according to my preferences because "what I want" is just a story.
4) What was the last bit that pushed you over, made you look?
I feel like I have been pushed from the very first post when a clear determination was made not to use thought in the inquiry at all, and to only rely on actual experience. Previously, I was convinced, given that thoughts seem to be helpful in everyday life, they must also be some what helpful in this inquiry. However, as I was going to discover, this reliance on thought was what was keeping me lost in the story of self in the first place.
Then I learned what actual experience was. I was finally able to clearly see that the content of thought was not part of it. I also saw that there was really no way for me to validate this content as they weren't part of my actual experience.
And most importantly, came the "apple". Seeing that an apple is not actually known, showed me that not only was it impossible to validate the content of thought, but they were infect, a complete fabrication.
This new understanding of thought finally gave me the freedom to glimpse reality for what it is.
5) Describe decision & give examples from experience.
A decision is a thought about a strong preference for a future action. They have no impact on outcomes. Sometimes they align, sometimes they don't.
- Deciding to go out
Describe intention & give examples from experience.
Intentions are thoughts about plans for future action. They have no impact on outcomes either.
- intending to wake up early
- intending not to spend too much time on social media
Describe free will & give examples from experience.
Freewill is a story just like a separate self is a story. There are no examples.
Describe choice & give examples from experience.
Choice is a thought about a preference for one outcome over another.
- Choosing tea over coffee
Describe control & give examples from experience.
Control is another story invented by thought. There are no examples.
What makes things happen? How does it work?
I have no idea. Things are just happening.
What are you responsible for? Give examples from experience.
In the relative sense, I am responsible for everything I have always been responsible for (work, chores, home, relationships). In the absolute sense, nothing. There is no "me" who is making anything happen that needs to be held responsible for anything.
6) Anything to add?
This whole thing was a story too. But I am glad I was part of it. It was a good story. :)
Love,
Hussain