I don't want to be blind any longer

[TeeKa112]

Dear Stacy,

thank you!! Your post was most apreciated, so strong and clear and helpful!

I feel much better, quieter in head and body.

Yes! Notice that when something is true you feel expansive & light.

This is such a good pointer to what is true.
My body always can feel and mostly ”I” can become aware of what it feels, I can feel the sensation. The mind can try to override it, can label it how it wants to. But I experienced already that labelling is not reality. And the other way around, that reality, the truth doesn't get changed or created by labelling.

When something is false, you feel this "strong contraction."

Yes, also here, such a good pointer. Again the body that shows reality and is always there for being perceived or felt, like feeling the sensation.

Would you really "get jobless? And meaningless? And powerless?" or is that only your fearful imagination?

Ha, the self I never found. I am sure it doesn't exist. So let it become powerless and meaningless and even jobless:-)))
And this Trisha that is here in the world will not change and become jobless, not meaningless and not powerless!
Pure imagination.

Here's another way to explore this:

Imagine “me”

Give it a go, see what happens.

I heard and read often, that people imagine the me in the head, I never did this. I don't know why.
One reason is perhaps, that as Germans we, when asked, where are you? We point to our heart or chest. We imagin the soul being in the heart, not the head. I know that this is different in different societies. In France (I live on the french border), they always would point to the head, where they imagine the soul and the person.

So, what happened:
3 rd step, when I imagined the me in the head, there was a very strong contraction, mostly behind my eyes, like a strong pull or suck, I just let it happen and after some time it loosened up. It was a nice feeling in the body when the me turned transparent and then was not there anymore. I felt light and free.

Well, I tried this with imagining the me in the chest, but nothing special happened.......

So, that's it. I went for a long walk and I feel good. But also as if I have started something I can not get out again:-)))

Thank you so much
Trisha

[TeeKa112]

Hello Stacy,

just wondering, is everything ok? Are you very busy today?

Nothing from you today......

Love
Trisha

[TeeKa112]

Stacy,
do you want me to go through the exercises again? To find more depth?

[Anastacia42]

Fine. Busy. Reply soon

[TeeKa112]

Dear Stacy,

thank you.

I went through some of the labeling exercises again and after I did more of them and with more experience I would answer some questions differently, because I look differently now. I also think that I was not always in full intensity looking. I am not sure what kind of resistance this is, maybe fear? Fear of finding something dangerious?

2. What is here without labels?

Wow! Without labels? labels are everything, without the label "sitting at desk," what is left?
Ok, I just try it, eyes closed: silence, quietness, some sound in the ears, deep breathing, more and more relaxing of body, no feeling of me or I

When having an apple in my hand, a have a touch sensation of something. Without looking I don't know what it is. There is no lable. I can describe the touch, maybe hard and smooth, but I am in DE. When looking and the word apple comes, this is content of thought and the DE is not there any more.
It seems I cannot doing DE and doing labeling in the same instant.
This also would mean, I only can be aware of "there is a thought", which is still DE. But the moment I label the thought as pleasent, fearful, or I think more and get into its content, no DE but labelling.
So, without labels there are only smelling, touching, tasting, hearing, perception of having a thought and seeing.

3. Do labels affect the experience or just describe it?

Well, it seems to me now, that they do the experience, without labeling during being in the experience, nobody is taking notice

Funny that I didn't see it: Yes, labels do affect the experience insofar as they finish it. When the label appears in the head as a thought content and another thought accepts it and believes it, the DE is finished.
I look at the apple and see color/image. When the label apple comes, I don't see color or image as DE, but only apple.

What I was describing before is not the DE but the labeling taken as truth or reality.
Labels don't describe, they are nouns. They are dead. DE are verbs, they are living.
I get a feeling that something true is only where there is DE, verb-ing. The non existing I is alive with nouns, like a label. And with thoughts. It seems to live in and through thoughts and their contents.
Well then the I is only a label.
And what would it be without the label?

Now I am too tired. Enough for today, it's late and it's not working anymore.

see you tomorrow
have a nice day and thank you
Trisha

[Anastacia42]

Hi,

Thank you for your patience. I had read your replies, but I did it on my way to work and did not have time to respond. I'm glad you went back and looked at everything again, because you're right, you're much clearer now.

something true is only where there is DE, verb-ing.

YES!

That is what I find as well. However, I do notice that the label does not change the experience at all. It only changes how we think about it. Can you see the different?

Loving

[TeeKa112]

Good evening Stacy

That is what I find as well. However, I do notice that the label does not change the experience at all. It only changes how we think about it. Can you see the different?

Am I thinking during the experience? It seems that no.
I feel that when the labeling comes, the thinking with content comes, then the DE goes into the background and the name or label is totally present.
The experience does not get changed it’s more that it gets overrided by the labeling, and this is where it happens that i change how I think about the DE

THANK YOU

[Anastacia42]

Good morning,

6:30 am here

So, is there a "self" anywhere? Write what is true, what is seen.


Then take a look at choice.

Palm Flipping Exercise

1. Hold a hand in front of you; palm turned down.

2. Now turn the palm up. And down...and up and so on.

Watch like a hawk.

Don't go to thoughts – examine your direct experience.

Do this as many times as you like, and each time inquire:

How is the movement controlled?

Does a thought control it?

Can a ‘controller’ of any description be located?

How is the decision made to turn the hand over? Track any decision point when a thought MADE THE DECISION to turn the hand over and the hand turns over immediately.

Who or what chose which hand - the left or right hand for the exercise?

Can you find a separate individual or anything that is choosing when to turn the palm up or down?


Loving,

[TeeKa112]

Good morning Stacy,

are you an early bird? But also an owl?

Thanks for all the exercises.

So, is there a "self" anywhere? Write what is true, what is seen.

I looked again, with all the 5 senses, I did not find anything that can be called “self”.
In the exercise with the green label for redness, I saw that labels can be untrue.They don't point necessarily to a truth behind.

There are things that can be known, like the taste of an apple can be known as the taste of an apple.
The smell of an apple can be known as the smell of an apple.
In the case of self, nothing is known.

In the case of the “self” I don't have any actual or direct experience of anything that points to a true self or is known.
The self can not be true, otherwise it has to be experienced, something has to be known.

I see that the self is a content of thoughts. But contents of thoughts are not true in the sense that I can have a DE of them. And what I cannot have a DE from is not existent.

I see that there is no self, nowhere.
The word “self” is a label we all have and that does not exist.
The fact that I learned about its existence does not make it true.


The exercise:

How is the movement controlled?

I don't have any DE of anything controlling the movement. It felt funny, I was looking at the hand, which was doing the movements. No me or self there involved. No controller involved. It looked like a robot..... being on its own and doing seemingly independently movements.

Does a thought control it?

No, not at all. I was looking very clearly, no thoughts were involved. I could even see thoughts about how funny this is while the hand was doing its thing. No thought that was doing controlling detected.

Can a ‘controller’ of any description be located?

No, I didn't see anything or anybody that could be experienced as a controller.
It was the opposite that I was looking at something that was doing without controller.

How is the decision made to turn the hand over? Track any decision point when a thought MADE THE DECISION to turn the hand over and the hand turns over immediately.

I don't see anything or anybody that made the decision to turn the hand over.
Watching is so interesting, there is only the action, nobody and nothing is taking decisions, not at all. I can watch the rhythm, it is rhythm-ing on its own. “I” am surprised while watching.

Who or what chose which hand - the left or right hand for the exercise?

I don't know. It is not known, I cannot see it or feel it, no DE of any choosing.

The whole process looks like independent action, choosing which hand and the rhythm of the movement, and also in the beginning, when to start, how long to play around with it....
No self involved in any step of the whole process.

Can you find a separate individual or anything that is choosing when to turn the palm up or down?

No, also here, I can't find no-thing and no-body or any individual or separate individual that is doing anything of this whole exercise.

All I can see with my own eyes is the doing of starting the process, choosing the right hand, turning palm up and down in a certain rhythm and stopping the action.

There was no I or self involved at any time or any place, as far as I can see.

Thank you Stacy, that was fun...... fun having was here........

Have a great day

Trisha

[Anastacia42]

Hi Tricia,

I'm only an early bird, but I wake up in the night with leg pains. Sitting to get circulation back, I sometimes reply to these.

Very good that you can find no self & no chooser. How does it feel to see this? Is anything different?

Loving,

[TeeKa112]

Good morning dear Stacy,

Oh yes, not sleeping in the night, I know this one well ..........

How does it feel to see this? Is anything different?

This seems a difficult question or task, I am surprised. I don't find easily something to describe.
I looked again, there is no self. I didn't find any, nowhere. It feels normal, no feeling of fear, resistance, when I can stay with the feeling, it becomes spacious.

I observed this morning 2 thoughts coming more or less together, or 1 thought with 2 options: first doing yoga or first going onto the balcony and plant the basil plant I bought yesterday. I was watching how the thoughts were lingering around but no decision was taken. Then, after some little being busy in the kitchen, I walked to the balcony and started planting. Interesting to watch. There was no chooser at all. There was only something that was watching the whole process, and then a decision was taken and then there was the action.
I don't remember any special sensations.
What is different? It is very subtile, there is a letting go of something into this new “reality”.
I can feel it best when alone, when talking to people during the day, it was not so much there.
Oh yes, and then there are expectations and comparing....... and judging me for poor results.....

Greetings from here to you

Trisha

[Anastacia42]

Good morning,

You're right. The shift in perception is not easy to describe.

when I can stay with the feeling, it becomes spacious.

Yes, that's one way to say how it feels to this one, too.

There was no chooser at all. There was only something that was watching the whole process, and then a decision was taken and then there was the action.

Does there have to be a "something" that was watching? Or is it possible there's just watching happening, "verbing" as you said before?

It is very subtile, there is a letting go of something into this new “reality”.

It has never been subtle for me. It hits me like a ton of bricks, but I do understand that it can be subtle for other people.

I can feel it best when alone, when talking to people during the day, it was not so much there.

Spend time allowing the spaciousness both alone and with others.See if you can allow yourself to feel it when you are with other people.

So how do you feel about seeking now? Are you still seeking something?


Loving,

[TeeKa112]

Hi Stacy,

There was no chooser at all. There was only something that was watching the whole process, and then a decision was taken and then there was the action.

Does there have to be a "something" that was watching? Or is it possible there's just watching happening, "verbing" as you said before?

Oh, this is a big one, I feel.
Yes it seems there is only watching happening, because I didn't find a watcher.

Looking for a watcher happened, not-finding at watcher happened, but also percieving of watching and not finding happened.
Who is perceiving? Or is there only perceiving also? I look for a perceiver. I don't find a perceiver. Only perceiving. But here something is not yet clear ........ When I try to look, confusion going on in my head........

It is very subtile, there is a letting go of something into this new “reality”.

It has never been subtle for me. It hits me like a ton of bricks, but I do understand that it can be subtle for other people.

Yes, this is my experience as well, whenever I had understandings happening. It hit me hard, like a thunderbolt in the head.
And I know that I should not have expectations or comparing ....... but I do

I can feel it best when alone, when talking to people during the day, it was not so much there.

Spend time allowing the spaciousness both alone and with others.See if you can allow yourself to feel it when you are with other people.

Yes, I will do this. So far today was not very successful, better now on the phone with somebody there was a little bit more space .........

So how do you feel about seeking now? Are you still seeking something?

Mmmh, seeking doesn't feel like the right word, and something doesn't feel like the right word, it is more like more and deeper looking and getting what I am looking at.

Shift of perception? I don't know that.......

Ok, dear Stacy, that is what I am at right now.

Have a great Sunday

Trisha

[Anastacia42]

Hi Tricia,

there is only watching happening

Stay aware of this throughout your day. It will help keep you looking at Actual Experience, and seeing no self.

When I try to look, confusion going on in my head........

Stop thinking and just LOOK. The confusion will disappear if you are LOOKING. Confusion is only in thinking.

Shift of perception? I don't know that.......

Read some of the threads published in "Gateless Gatecrashers" (available here under Resources) and/or "Liberation Unleashed" available on Amazon. Look for where the shift occurs in those dialogues.


Have you done this one? Even if you have, it is fine to repeat any pointer. Any one of them can help you to SEE.

Observing Thoughts

Here is a thought exercise. Sit quietly for about 30 minutes and notice the arising thoughts.

Just let them appear as they appear. Try your best to COMPLETELY ignore what they are saying and just notice how they appear without you doing anything at all.

Where are they coming from and going to?

Did you do anything to make a particular thought or thoughts appear?

Could you have done anything to make a different thought appear at that exact moment instead?
Can you predict your next thought?

Can you select from a range of thoughts to have only pleasant thoughts?

Can you choose not to have painful, negative or fearful thoughts?

Can you pick and choose any kind of thought?

Is it possible to prevent a thought from appearing?

It seems that thought has some logical ordered appearance, but look carefully and just notice if there is an organised sequence? Or is that just another thought that says ‘these thoughts are in sequence’ or “they take content from previous thought”, or that ‘one thought follows another thought’?

Loving,

[TeeKa112]

Good morning dear Stacy,

there is only watching happening

Stay aware of this throughout your day. It will help keep you looking at Actual Experience, and seeing no self.

Yes, I will do this. I feel that I really need to do this.
I feel funny, since yesterday, as if all facts are there to be seen in plain light on the table, I can see in AE, but somehow I don't see the obvious........as if missing out on something.....

When I try to look, confusion going on in my head........

Stop thinking and just LOOK. The confusion will disappear if you are LOOKING. Confusion is only in thinking.

Yes, when looking there is no confusion, only when there are thoughts ......
The looking itself is more of a challenge today, the body kind of nervous, disquiet, fidgety, very uneasy, without any concrete pain or problem there. I am watching all this, many thoughts are there, which have content of making mistakes, not getting it, not seeing the obvious etc. Ok, I keep on just watching and describing for myself what is there in DE and the 5 senses and the fact of thoughts.

Read some of the threads published in "Gateless Gatecrashers" (available here under Resources) and/or "Liberation Unleashed" available on Amazon. Look for where the shift occurs in those dialogues.

I will do this now.


Observing thoughts:

Where are they coming from and going to?

I couldn't see any origin or source from where nor any destination to where thoughts are moving.

Did you do anything to make a particular thought or thoughts appear?

No, nothing, no I or self was involved in doing anything.

Could you have done anything to make a different thought appear at that exact moment instead?
Can you predict your next thought?

No to both questions.

Can you select from a range of thoughts to have only pleasant thoughts?

Again the answer is NO, no selecting

Can you choose not to have painful, negative or fearful thoughts?

No, I can not choose. Nobody can choose. There is nobody there to do choosing. I didn't see anybody who could choose.

Can you pick and choose any kind of thought?

Again no, I didn't see any possibility to choose. Where would choosing be happening?

Is it possible to prevent a thought from appearing?

And NO again. Thoughts seem to be independent

It seems that thought has some logical ordered appearance, but look carefully and just notice if there is an organised sequence? Or is that just another thought that says ‘these thoughts are in sequence’ or “they take content from previous thought”, or that ‘one thought follows another thought’?

I didn't notice any logic nor organisation in the flow of thoughts.
But some seem to have similarities, same or very similar thoughts do come sometimes, as if coming from a similar context or topic, what makes them "seem to be relevant to "me" in this moment".