Freedom to be!

[Ilona]

Thank you for answers. As you can notice, when you ask the energy directly, an answer comes.
Q1
Focus on that energy and tell it that it is already free, give it full permission to do what it wants and watch. Nothing else, just watch it.

Q2. Thank it for reminding you of deeper wisdom.


What’s the point of that?
You are free to fight what is and you are free to meet what is with kindness and respect. It is up to you to notice the difference, to see what makes more sense, what gives more lightness and peace. Experiment with this.

As for your questions, they are coming from the mind that wants to know and understand. It’s ok. But let’s focus on realization first, then you can answer these questions yourself.
One thing that I can say is this:

There is a rope on the road. It is dark. You are walking past and see a snake. You jump back, scared, feeling danger. You can keep going and think that you met a snake and how successful you are to escape it. Or you can come closer and take a look. Is it a snake or a rope? Ah, it is a rope. No danger here. Nothing happens, only you see the truth of it.

Your questions come from this assumption- what if the this snake is a rope? But you need to look to know the truth. So let’s look instead of trying to figure this out mentally. Is it a snake or a rope?

Is this life, aliveness, awareness, beingness or whatever way you want to call this isness experienced by Eric? Is Eric the experiencer of life or an appearance, a form that life expresses as? Is Eric feeling emotions or emotional energy is arising and the description/story about it is arising simultaneously?

Looking at the energy in the belly, is there Eric there? Is there a feeler? Is there an owner of emotion?

Tell me what you notice.

Love.

[Eric001]

Thank you dear Ilona,

for your beautiful response. It's great to get reminded to stay constructive, instead of lost in confusing conceptualisations. <3

Q1
Focus on that energy and tell it that it is already free, give it full permission to do what it wants and watch. Nothing else, just watch it.
Q2. Thank it for reminding you of deeper wisdom.

What’s the point of that?
You are free to fight what is and you are free to meet what is with kindness and respect. It is up to you to notice the difference, to see what makes more sense, what gives more lightness and peace. Experiment with this.

Results of experimenting =>
When I give the energy in my belly permission to do what it wants the following seems to take place:
- First there is some confusion and disorientation
- Then the energy starts swelling and slowly filling up my whole torso
- There is some pulsating sensations at the centre of the belly
- A wave of relaxation moves out in a concentric ring from the belly though my whole body (even my neck and head)
- The breath becomes felt clearly also in the belly
- The contraction in the belly dissipates
- Writing this last line, a though arises saying "is it really over? will this relaxation last?" in a doubtful tone, which triggers some restoration of the contraction in the belly, and correspondingly in the rest of the body.
- Deep breath and attention resting back in the belly
- Renewed permission for the contraction to express itself freely
- Wobbly sensations in the belly (and visions of colourful liquid blobs pulsing and wobbling)
- The sensation spreading out vertically and the centre moving up towards the solar plexus.
- Pinching and pulsing sensations in the solar plexus, and the belly, simultaneously
- Spontaneous deep clear breaths into the solar plexus and belly
- Clearing/healing sensation on each breath
- Increased spaciousness and sensations of aliveness in the both belly and solar plexus
- A more quiet and still mind. Open and alert.
- The face, the arms, the legs and then the whole body relaxes more deeply
- Awareness of a free but more regular breath
- Checking if any traces of the contraction remains. Find only remnants scattered in the belly area mainly and some in the rest of the whole body.
- Connecting with these fragments and giving them all full permission to express themselves
- Vibrating sensations throughout the body
- Dissolving sensations throughout the body, including the head and the mind
- Light and airy sensations and feelings arising
- No story to be found in the mind in this present moment (except the direct reporting of these sensations as they arise)
- A general state of peacefulness and calm acceptance

Looking at the energy in the belly, is there Eric there?

Not much energy contraction left now, but instead plenty of alive free energy. And no Eric in that energy at all, just aliveness arising.

Is there a feeler?

Still a little unclear since I have been busy observing (and reporting) these sensations of the energy. In that context there seems to be a feeler observing the feelings and sensations.

However, if I now relax into the present moment and look again without any special focus
- (pause for doing that) -
then all thoughts go blank and there is simply sensations arising by and as of themselves. No feeler present here.

Is there an owner of emotion?

When experience is grounded in the present moment it's clear that there is no one there who feels or owns anything. It's simply sensations and feelings arising in an otherwise blank awareness.


Thank you again Ilona for this powerful guiding. It seems to be working real well, and I feel much more free and at ease now.

Love and goodnight from a calm tropical night!
🌴💖🌙✨

[Ilona]

Wonderful..
Thank you for sharing your experience with looking at the energy in such detail. You can see now, how easy it is to meet what is showing up and allow it to pass when you listen to what it wants. The key is respect.

Ok, let’s go deeper. Here is a video for you from a tropical Mexico beach :)
Watch it and tell me, what do you get for the answer, is there a separate self?

Love.

[Eric001]

Link to the video missing?

[Ilona]

Sorry.. here it is
https://youtu.be/vVfvRetanr0

[Eric001]

Thank you for this lovely video!

I loved seeing and hearing you for the first time. Lovely eyes full of sparkles and aliveness!

Ok, let’s go deeper. Here is a video for you from a tropical Mexico beach :)
Watch it and tell me, what do you get for the answer, is there a separate self?

When attention is resting in the present moment there clearly is no self.
And still here (in my experience) as soon as attention moves into the flow of thoughts then "self" seems to arise automatically.

[Ilona]

Wonderful. Yes, the self seems to arise automatically. Aha. And what is this self made of? How does it arise precisely? Is it the cause of story about the self or the story about the self contains this self within it?
Explore and write to me.

Is that image of the self you?
Here is some help
https://youtu.be/_w0wnR72604

Much love.

[Eric001]

Thank you for your response and new clarifying questions. I'm looking now and here are the answers that are arising:

And what is this self made of?

Thoughts and their associated sensations/feelings

How does it arise precisely?

The self seems to arise out of the habit of identifying with the self reflective thoughts about the past experienced events, and thoughts about projections of experience into the future.

Is it the cause of story about the self or the story about the self contains this self within it?

Logically it must be that the habitual story about the self contains the self within it, since it seems the self only exists as an interpretation in the mind (as thoughts and associated emotions).

Is that image of the self you?

The image of the self exists only in the mind, so it can not be the real "me". It's the character I identify with as me. However, as even the sense of "me"/"I" also seems to be ultimately an illusion, I guess (from the perspective) you could say that the image of self is at least in part identical to the sense of a "me". Isn't it all illusion at the end of the day?

[Eric001]

Lots of Love from the tropics! <3

[Ilona]

Isn't it all illusion at the end of the day?

Good question.
In your own words, tell me, what is real and what is illusion?

You are here, right now, is that real or is that illusion?
A character eric, is that real or illusion?
How do you know the difference?

Love

[Eric001]

Hi dear Ilona,

so lets look closer at reality vs illusion. I'm excited about this! Love it actually! So here we go:

In your own words, tell me, what is real and what is illusion?

That is a very good question. As I look into it the world around is perceived through the 5 sense and it seems real, but to be honest I can't be 100% sure that what I'm perceiving is real in any absolute terms. I mean after all perception is limited to the senses and the decoding of this input in the mind which makes sense out of this raw incoming data (i.e. shapes, forms, sounds, bodily sensations and so on). So even all sense perception is interpreted by the mind, and could be ultimately illusory.

Beyond the above consideration, I guess what would clearly be illusion is the conceptualised overlay of self reflective interpreting of everything that arises in my awareness, which creates a barrier to more full direct experiences of sensed reality.

You are here, right now, is that real or is that illusion?

When looking what arises is that awareness is here right now living and perceiving as life unfolds. That does seem very real, and not like an illusion at all. If that awareness is a "me" in some way seems secondary to the fact that awareness for sure IS. And when focusing attention and looking for a specific "me" at the centre or source of awareness arsing there seems no such "me" can be found, instead all that can be found is spaciousness, and no centre at all.

A character eric, is that real or illusion?

The character Eric seems mainly to be an arsing in the mind of a complex thought construct that gives the sense of continuity by creating a story line that seems to hold some continuity from moment to moment (i.e. over time as life unfolds). However, awareness arising in the actual manifested form of the fractal referred to as Eric seems to have some uniqueness to it (as everything else in nature also seems to be unique expressions of life) that the character Eric is built around/upon. This uniqueness seems real is some sense, at least more so than the story line of the character Eric which is highly biased by interpretations and conditioned filtering of reality.

How do you know the difference?

Not sure what you are asking with this question, but if is "How do you know the difference between reality and illusion?" then the answer that arises is that in reality there is no such ultimate knowledge that can be known by the mind. Instead what is true and real can only be recognised in each moment by pure unfiltered awareness itself. This "true reality" is always fresh and never before known, but as long as it's perceived though the limitations of the senses it's never the full picture/experience of reality. Instead sensed reality is always a sampled version and hence at least partially illusory.

----------------

This was so great to just relax into these questions and let these answers arise spontaneously. Not sure how much of it is from earlier experiences and knowing by the mind, but one thins is sure and that is that no great effort was needed to have these answers form and be written down. :-)

Lots of Love!
<3 :-) /e

[Ilona]

Great work, nice to read your definitions.
So the beingness is real, it IS. The rest is passing by, ever changing experiences.
Look around, these colours sounds, shapes, sensations, feeling is here now. It does not disappear if you stop imagining this. You can close eyes and imagine you are in the big city, in the Main Street, where are many people, cars and noise, but you open eyes and you are here. This is our present reality. This is like a dream reality, but the only one we have got, so let’s accept it as such.

Try this: can you change colours that are here? Or sounds? Can you stop hearing sounds at will? Or just certain sounds?

My point is — all this is a happening, it is already given. There is no doing colours, sounds, sensations, feelings, thoughts- they are happenings. And everything is included.

And then there is evaluation of what is happening, a relationship. Like I like this, I don’t like this, I love this, I hate this, this is good this is bad, i want more, this is not enough... it is the narration about the happening. See this?

Let’s look at that voice. It is talking. It is judging. Is it you? Is it talking to you? Who is listening? Can you stop it from talking?
Is it an automatic happening too? Is it Eric talking? Is it a separate self? If so, what is it separate from?

Explore this.
Looking forward to your observations.

Love.

[Eric001]

Hello dear Ilona!

Thank you feedback. I agree that it's best to accept present reality as the only one we've got. After all it does seem to have both some continuity and lots of potential beauty to be experienced (especially in nature). :-)

Here are my considerations from looking into your latest questions:

Try this: can you change colours that are here? Or sounds? Can you stop hearing sounds at will? Or just certain sounds?

Does not seem directly possible to alter present reality qualities such as sights or sounds just through an act of will.
Although I have noticed a considerable talent at blocking out the sound of my mother nagging. ;-)

My point is — all this is a happening, it is already given. There is no doing colours, sounds, sensations, feelings, thoughts- they are happenings. And everything is included.

And then there is evaluation of what is happening, a relationship. Like I like this, I don’t like this, I love this, I hate this, this is good this is bad, i want more, this is not enough... it is the narration about the happening. See this?

Yes I see this and agree to the discernment between present reality arising and the evaluation/interpretation of it. However it is still a little unclear who is doing this evaluating, so let's look.

Let’s look at that voice. It is talking. It is judging. Is it you?

It definitely seems like it is the conditioned thought patterns that make up the character which are arising, i.e. the character "Eric" that seems to be the one having these thoughts. As these though patterns arise and are identified with by awareness there is a strong sense of a separate sense of self. This is my standard experience as of yet.

Is it talking to you?

No, it's more seems like it is "me" talking to "myself".

Who is listening?

Ultimately it must be awareness that is "listening" or rather perceiving all this, but as far as the "spell" of identification with the thought patterns isn't broken it most certainly seems like it's "myself" (the character Eric) that is listening to these thought patterns.

Can you stop it from talking?

Yes it seems so, but only sometimes. At least at times of calmness when it seems possible to direct attention and chose to focus on complete stillness in the mind. This is the most central part of the Shaolin Temple version of Qigong that I practice.

Is it an automatic happening too?

The "monkey mind" shattering away most certainly seems to be quit automatic most of the time. Although some times it seems that conscious mind is directing the thought stream in a more constructive and consistent fashion (e.g. when engaging a focused "working mind" like right now when answering these questions).

Is it Eric talking?

Yes, mostly it seems like it is the character Eric that is talking to himself in his mind. However, there is also a knowing that no such character really exists in present reality and that it actually is simply awareness experiencing itself through the warped delusional perspective of the conceptual construct filter called Eric. But that is just a knowing, not a direct experience.

Is it a separate self?

It sure seems like a separate self when present reality is experienced through the delusional character Eric.

I

If so, what is it separate from?

The experience of living and perceiving life as the character seems separated from direct full experience of present reality, since the character that is so identified with is constantly filtering and limiting the perceptions and shutting down receptivity as a result of subconscious insecurities and fears.


Sorry if these answers do not reflect true deep looking and recognition, but they are as honest as I can get to today.

Love from Koh Phangan!
<3 /e

[Ilona]

Thank you for writing what feels true.

Yes, mostly it seems like it is the character Eric that is talking to himself in his mind. However, there is also a knowing that no such character really exists in present reality and that it actually is simply awareness experiencing itself through the warped delusional perspective of the conceptual construct filter called Eric. But that is just a knowing, not a direct experience.

There thoughts are saying that there is Eric talking to himself. That’s a nice thought. But let’s see, where is Eric? Is there direct experience of Eric?
By direct experience I mean simply experience that is happening right now. Here now. Where is Eric? How do you know if Eric is here or is not here? Can you see, hear, smell, touch, feel, sense him?

Is Eric more than a thought?
What does thought Eric point to in actuality?
Does Eric think? Or Eric is a thought?

Let’s see what you discover. :)
Love.

[Eric001]

Thank you for your patience Ilona. A bit heavy day here. Anyways, here we go with a new attempt at looking more deeply. :-)

There thoughts are saying that there is Eric talking to himself. That’s a nice thought. But let’s see, where is Eric? Is there direct experience of Eric? By direct experience I mean simply experience that is happening right now. Here now. Where is Eric? How do you know if Eric is here or is not here? Can you see, hear, smell, touch, feel, sense him?

No I can not perceive any Eric through my senses, so no direct experience of the character Eric that way. However the thoughts arsing from the subconscious mind are directly experienced and these paint the image of Eric in the perception of the mind.

Is Eric more than a thought?

The sense of me "Eric" seems to be made entirely of subconscious thought patterns with associated feelings/emotions and reactive habitual behaviour.

What does thought Eric point to in actuality?

The subconscious thought patterns (stored in longterm memory of the brain) that give rise to the perception of this specific character and it's traits.

Does Eric think? Or Eric is a thought?

Eric is a complex constellation of subconscious though patterns, from which arises the illusion of an independent thinker.


<3 :-) /e