Longing for a breakthrough

[dkelso]

Good flow going, don't want to interfere with it.

Just a gentile nudge...

...... seriously consider the possibility that you don't exist...... Thisthat is experience, the single and only event as life, does exist, and This includes all and any, ANY, of the details of a "Peter".

'Grok' means to understand so thoroughly that the observer becomes a part of the observed - to merge, blend, intermarry, and to lose identity in experience.

Identity is the core belief that hints at separation.

The whole of spiritual frustration/seeking pivots on this one illusion: that there is a "you" separate from THIS.

[peter]

I stare at the decoration-objesct near the computer- made of three polished agate-stones....try to see it ...be it......silence...the beauty shines forth...who is the seer?... try to see seeing...the typing distracts me - am not quite used to meditate and type at the same time....will do it alternately...distracting thoughts...looking inside again...try to see with the assumption that there is no center..no I no self .. kind of liberating...a restful emptiness...only a glimpse...peace..even the typing slows down...feel quiet...don't want to disturb that quietness..stop typing...

[dkelso]

Truth always shines......the process, one of dissolving obstructing belief......................glimpses at first, then longer, deeper, .............truth, clearly seen informs thinking, erodes the false beliefs, until they collapse.....

flashes of freedom..........spaciousness..........joy.........fear........ all sign posts along the way.......

negative emotion accompanies resistance, positive follows release, ............

........remarkable confidence, fearlessness, peace, balance, over-flow of joy, are all very close to the Gate.......

[peter]

The intsensity of looking is happening by itself.. no need to stoke the fire anymore ... its burning...looking ----looking..its no longer MY effort..

[dkelso]

exactly so.....

is there a "my", what is that?, does "my" point to anything?

[peter]

Want to say no, it points to a fiction.. this breathtaking adventure has a flow in itself - no doing - no effort- it happens....yet not so much of a noticable shift as yet

[peter]

Yes I see, life just happens, it flows... no need to interfere there is calmness and joy in seeing that.... Still at the same time the "knot in the stomach" has not dissolved.. maybe a false expectation.. maybe it has not sunk in .. let it go on....

[dkelso]

yes....

[peter]

Was just watching a documentary together with my wife (the my does not feel so appropriate anymore - just conventionally speaking) and most of the time though not always the looking continued in the background...joyfully...but I'm not doing it. I forget about it.. I remember again...it starts...no strain....

[dkelso]

Good, noticing the personal pronouns feel awkward can generally mean there is a shifting in belief/identity. At least on a conceptual level, but that's the beginning in any case.

please say more about:

most of the time though not always the looking continued in the background...joyfully...but I'm not doing it. I forget about it.. I remember again...it starts...no strain....

Also, Is this looking something that you feel you are doing, initiating, or is it going on always and you notice it, or ?

[peter]

It's as if part of the attention is on the place where I'm looking at. Also the attention is drawn there naturally by a sense of aliveness I feel there.

Also, Is this looking something that you feel you are doing, initiating, or is it going on always and you notice it, or ?

I feel it is always there wether noticed or not

[dkelso]

What is the "I" that is looking?

What is this "I" the feel's? What exactly is being referred to here in experience? Really try to lock in on this and find out what it is. There is either a space there where an "I sense" use to be, or something seems to be there. If so, what is it?

[peter]

Trying to see the I...what you said there is a space where the "I sense" used to be is appealing but not so much directly experienced...I noticed that in my last post there is three times the word "there" which implies location. But when I look "there" I (again the I) don't find a location. Yes there is a location to the joy I feel now (intermittently), but a location to the looking, to the I sense?...don't see it.....seems there is looking, experiencig, etc.... let it go on

[peter]

It feels like being stuck somehow..."there is no you but only THIS"....can neither find the me nor this...the intuition comes that it's better to look without wanting too much.... maybe letting truth reveal itself.....also the sense of looking happening by itself is gone at the moment....find a shred of trust...looking more relaxed.....When I say I look, who looks - who is stuck...let the question sink in

[peter]

feel more calm now... allow also the frustration ... let everything happen...when looking for the "I sense" the obviously false image pops up - I dimiss it... there is some hint at a spacious emptiness... looking deeper to see more clearly....the thought comes up "now Dan is going to ask me to describe that how can I do that?" ...the frustration is gone..going on...