The Gate

Ps the thing i should have said, is in amongst all the drama, i did get a feeling/sense that my 'self' is somehow located for me a sense behind the chest somehwere, maybe a field just behind the body. I think thats the very place i have rested in when i've been doing ahem all the surrendering. I am questioning it when i go back there. or i should say recognising it for what is a perception i guess.

Anyway!

Hi Damon.

I think something's changed for me over the last 24hours or so. Something feels like its gone. I first had a sustained intensity of looking where it felt like there was a lot of pressure in my head and thoughts were not landing at all, felt a bit like a cold actually. Then today I wrote down everything I felt I knew/learnt from the whole spiritual journey up to now. I think i was ready to completely give it up.

Then a couple of hours after this, I re-read one of your posts and you had said "forget awakening there would be no-one to wake-up.....we are looking at the mechanism of direct experience" I looked at my hands and body and felt a real strange kind of emptiness, like something wasn't there. It feels like something impersonal and almost scary is living itself out in me! To be honest I've just felt like an animal all day. I keep getting a really strong feeling I'm watching the talons of a bird when I see my hands move. That there's something just unfathomable about it all. It feels like everything is moving from such deeper and darker depths but at the same time it doesn't feel that different. I recognise everything but things seem simpler and each perception clearer. I looked at the sky earlier and it felt like i was watching the Simpsons, you can picture that? And walking around it all felt a bit like a massive playground. Like its all mine and like the surface has just been scratched away.

Really tired so heading off to bed.
Take care
Richard

Hi Richard,

I think something's changed for me over the last 24hours or so. Something feels like its gone.

:-)

Looking now, what would you say is gone?

I looked at the sky earlier and it felt like i was watching the Simpsons, you can picture that?

Haha, yes! I know what you mean.

And walking around it all felt a bit like a massive playground. Like its all mine and like the surface has just been scratched away.

That is what freedom feels like!

I'd like to point your attention to these questions, take some time to answer them as clearly as you can! Thanks!

1) Is there a 'me', at all, anywhere, in any way, shape or form? Was there ever?
2) Explain in detail what the illusion of separate self is, when it starts and how it works.
3) How does it feel to see this?
4) How would you describe it to somebody who is very interested, but has never heard about this illusion?

Hey Damon

Looking now, what would you say is gone?

The belief that there is anything like a me or an I which exists outside of thought. In experience of reality it is not there, and even the experience of a thought, it can be seen that a thought itself can't be thinking. It is not a thought that stops thinking for example, it just stops when its ready to stop and disappears into something else. But if alert what it disappears into is just another experience, illumination with different content. What felt like discontinuity before has given way to a greater feeling of seamlessness and flow. Thoughts still happen and there is still an idea of me and mine and past and future but they are seen to be causeless, just phenomena.

I'd like to point your attention to these questions, take some time to answer them as clearly as you can! Thanks!

OK

1) Is there a 'me', at all, anywhere, in any way, shape or form? Was there ever?

There is a me but its the content of a thought, consisting of images, memories and but that content itself is never experienced. Its like asking the question, does the Taj Mahal exist in the holiday photo which you have of it? It can only be a representation, and it certainly can't cause anything. The photo exists, but so do lots of other photos of it, and they're all different. Was the me ever there? No.

2) Explain in detail what the illusion of separate self is, when it starts and how it works.

Its the assumption that there is some separate agent operating in the universe. That has its own autonomy, and control over events and outcomes. It comes about because of the human beings faculty of a self-reflexive brain and the socialisation process of children...a chicken and egg thing. It is a mistake, but also just consciousness expressing-itself.

3)

How does it feel to see this?

Erm this is changing. This morning it felt quite like elation, i felt so locked in to the moment it was like i was being encircled by myself and it seemed impossible that anything could ever be a mistake. It felt HYPERreal and like i was living as a laser beam - wherever attention went it is was there lighting something up. But, its a wave i guess, now a little less intense. While the understanding feels crystal the experience It still feels a bit shaky! Like i'm on new ground a bit.

4)

How would you describe it to somebody who is very interested, but has never heard about this illusion?

[/quote] Describe what? The illusion or the experience? I'd say the illusion is like every other illusion, but this one's at the core of who you think you are and how your world is. Its a biggy. That all the concepts you use in language everyday and take for granted are seen in a new light. That there really isn't any other place but now. I don't know i think i'd need alot more time for things to settle to attempt to explain it to anyone!! As for the experience - simply that its lighter, more intense, freer, and just different.

Richard

Thanks a lot for that. Really clear and to-the-point.
Any questions, anything that needs clarification?

Erm this is changing. This morning it felt quite like elation, i felt so locked in to the moment it was like i was being encircled by myself and it seemed impossible that anything could ever be a mistake. It felt HYPERreal and like i was living as a laser beam - wherever attention went it is was there lighting something up. But, its a wave i guess, now a little less intense. While the understanding feels crystal the experience It still feels a bit shaky! Like i'm on new ground a bit.

Yes, it's a wave. The clarity comes and goes.

I've asked other guides to take a look at this thread so we can get you confirmed. Then I'll invite you to a group that's dedicated to epxloring all of this.

Thanks alot Damon. :-)

It feels like a beginning and just funny to think you across the way were there to help.

Yeah group would be good. Lot so questions coming and going. Its ok to message as and when something arises?

Richard

It feels like a beginning and just funny to think you across the way were there to help.

Yeah group would be good. Lot so questions coming and going. Its ok to message as and when something arises?

It is a beginning yes.
Check your messages here- I've forwarded a link to the group I mentioned. You can either apply or friend me on facebook so I can add you to the group.

And of course it's ok to message me whenever you want.