Finding Neo, losing Neo

[Ilona]

We continue this conversation until all is clear.
Right, you say you want direct experience? Of what? Of ego? Of absense of ego?
What is your direct experience of knowing that Santa is fiction? One day a belief drops, does that mean that Santa disappears? Can you have a direct experience of no-Santa?

What are you expecting to happen?

Sending love

[LostNeo]

We continue this conversation until all is clear.

Sure.

Right, you say you want direct experience? Of what? Of ego? Of absense of ego?

I said, where? :)

What is your direct experience of knowing that Santa is fiction? One day a belief drops, does that mean that Santa disappears?

Santa is a story told mostly by parents. Direct experience is this: Santa is label, a fairytale object, a part of a mystic story, a character that points to nothing real. I is an imaginary yet funny figure in stories :) But, the story or an image of santa does not disappear. It is still being told to kids, it is still very much present in various books and stories.

Experience is of course a wrong word, because it is not an experience. Just a thought upon a though pattern or belief. A change of belief or a drop of it. -> a realisation that there is no santa.

Can you have a direct experience of no-Santa?

No.

For me there was a belief of an existing ego, but now it has been dropped off. No direct experience of an ego. Also, I is nowhere to be found anymore. At this moment there is just life and experiences happening.

What are you expecting to happen?

Perhaps a some kind of closure to this dialogue and looking. But I really don't know how this goes - just following from now on what is arising. Nothing at this moment is unclear to me regarding the looking, or Santa, or Batman, or whatever.

[Ilona]

Wonderful! Yes, a drop of belief, suddenly the old paradigm makes no sense. Puff..

Tell me what has changed since the start of this conversation in normal everyday life? What hasn't changed? Are you waiting for something to change?
Explore this a bit and wrtie to me :)
Much love

[LostNeo]

Wonderful! Yes, a drop of belief, suddenly the old paradigm makes no sense. Puff..

Yes! Today had a big another "puff". There was this realization that there are no experiences, since there is no one to experience anything! Just life happening 😍
No need to collect experiences, because it is impossible and doesn't mean anything anymore. No expectations, not collecting anything, again just this. Well not "just" this, THIS! 💪

Tell me what has changed since the start of this conversation in normal everyday life? What hasn't changed? Are you waiting for something to change?
Explore this a bit and wrtie to me :)
Much love

Nothing really has changed but at the same time everything. But in normal life, just more room to everything. No identification to "me", more space for every moment to arise as it is. No one to do anything.

What hasn't changed? Nothing really has changed, everything the same 😅 This his so hars to descrbe in words. Feels just that something has been dropped off from the shoulders and now it is just life and movement.

At this moment nobody to wait anything anymore. But, there are still thoughts that are waiting something, thoughts that are not present this moment. But those come and go. Also thoughts that tell some stories from the past come and go. No-one to attach to those or believe those.

Love ❤️

[Ilona]

Thanks for reply! It's good to notice that something dropped off the shoulders :). Nice to see that stories lost the grip!

There was this realization that there are no experiences, since there is no one to experience anything! Just life happening 😍

Can you expand on that? No experiences, what do you mean?
How about perceiving, is there perceiving? Is there knowing? Is here being aware?

Sending love

[LostNeo]

Can you expand on that? No experiences, what do you mean?
How about perceiving, is there perceiving? Is there knowing? Is here being aware?

Sending love

Yes :)

Simply there are no experiences, because there is no me to experience anything. All that there is, is this moment.
Hmmm.... this seems to be a bit hard to put on words. The mind always tells stories and gives labels to this and this incident or happening as either a "good experience" or "bad experience", or something in-between. But now, things just happen. Things are just arising. An experience is a labeled illusion that has been created at some point in the development of humanity. I'm pretty sure when there was no speech, there were no experiences either. Just this.

Is there perceiving? I thought that consciousness perceives things, but is it really so? When I dig that thought deeper, there was nothing to be perceived. Consciousness just is. It seems that all the verbs that describe someone doing or perceiving, or knowing or being aware, or whatever, are dropping off :O

There is no being aware, there is just awareness (if you wanna label that), but in a sense, that is also in vain. Why would a man "need" an awareness because everything is or is not, either way whether there is awareness or not :D

At this point there seems to be nothing. No-thing. Just nothing. All the labels are dropping off!

"I" didn't realize that this process could go into this...

But there are senses, emotions, feelings, thoughts etc., those are not going anywhere.

[Ilona]

Good work!
Now is there i that can awaken?
Is there a gate to cross?

[LostNeo]

Good work!
Now is there i that can awaken?
Is there a gate to cross?

No I to wake up.
And there is definitely no gate! 😅
It seems that when all these beliefs are dropping the "gate" is this process, this looking. Therefore not really a gate; "I" now understand the gateless gate -description.

When reading others' processes "you" kind of get it (previously, the book etc.; but during this, no reading, just this), but oh boy is it totally different to go through it, actually look it. Destroy the illusion. 🖖

[Ilona]

Beautiful.
What is that gets destroyed?

[LostNeo]

Beautiful.
What is that gets destroyed?

The story of the I/self. Or rather the belief on the story.
And at the same time nothing real is being destroyed, because me/I/self never were real

[Ilona]

Yes, belief in the story. Simple as that.

How is it going? Anything interesting to report?
Is there any doubt about the nature of I?
How is seeking going, still strong or diminished?

Hugs

[LostNeo]

Yes, belief in the story. Simple as that.

How is it going? Anything interesting to report?
Is there any doubt about the nature of I?
How is seeking going, still strong or diminished?

Hugs

Hi, it's going well :)

No doubts anymore. No seeking either. Nothing to seek.
"I" have actually really nothing to say. Just being 🙏

[Ilona]

Whoa! :)
We have here some 'final questions' here. Can you say with a big fat yes, that you are clear on what this illusion of separate self is and ready for the questions?

[LostNeo]

Whoa! :)
We have here some 'final questions' here. Can you say with a big fat yes, that you are clear on what this illusion of separate self is and ready for the questions?

YES! :) Now '"I" can say that. Previously you asked, no.
Ready as a rock. Bring them on :)

[Ilona]

Sweet! Here they are :)

1) Is there a separate entity 'self', 'me' 'I', at all, anywhere, in any way, shape or form? Was there ever?

2) Explain in detail what the illusion of separate self is, when it starts and how it works from your own experience. Describe it fully as you see it now.

3) How does it feel to see this? What is the difference from before you started this dialogue? Please report from the past few days.

4) What was the last bit that pushed you over, made you look?

5) Can you talk about decision, intention, free will, choice and control? What makes things happen? How does it work? What are you responsible for? Give examples from experience.

6) Anything to add?

Please answer in full, when ready.

Much love.