Assistance wanted

[Ghata]

Dear Tom,

lovely looking :-)

What is the I made of?

Sending love,
Ghata

[Tbarnes]

It's made of stories, concepts, attachments. It isn't really a thing, it is part of a construct, many constructs. Its made of memories and projections. I am doing my best to find words for this non thing!
Last night when I wrote my last text I had a few moments of deep clarity. When I said "I" was past and future not now. Something shifted :)

[Ghata]

Dear Tom,

It's made of stories, concepts, attachments. It isn't really a thing, it is part of a construct, many constructs. Its made of memories and projections. I am doing my best to find words for this non thing!
Last night when I wrote my last text I had a few moments of deep clarity. When I said "I" was past and future not now. Something shifted :)

this sounds lovely :-).

How are things today, did anything change in experience?

Sending love,
Ghata

[Tbarnes]

I had a pretty intense evening with my partner that involved conflict, I found that the anger that arose subsided quickly as I quickly looked for the angry "person", who is angry? I also experienced sadness and just that, the experience and quickly squashed the story. This was not the ideal testing ground! Haha. The joys of life!
The choice to engage with the stories or not was apparent to me. I turned to the app again just to nudge me along.
Today was a good day.
Not sure what to say about change in my experience. It is changing often :)

[Ghata]

Dear Tom,

yes, the partnership is the real testing ground :-)

Is there anybody or anything to which anger, sadness, stories appear?

Is there anybody who is angry, sad, thinking stories?

Sending love,
Ghata

[Tbarnes]

Anger and sadness were just raw experience of these emotions. An inner monologue started when I was angry which was very much an analyses, a self justifying loop. I stopped it by just feeling the sensations of this experience. There were thoughts after this as I didn't sleep well, I wouldn't say that was anybody thinking them, they just streamed along. There wasn't an owner to them. They just appear, not to anyone or anybody.

[Ghata]

Beautiful, Tom. :-)

Yes, there is no one who owns these feelings and no one to whom they appear. And nobody is doing them either.

Today I will send you on a field trip. Enjoy!

Go into nature or in a park.

Watch trees, animals, babies, other people. See how everything moves, wiggles, trees, grass, animals, birds, humans, thoughts, feelings, the body that is here now.
Notice that thoughts are arising dependent of what is being noticed, what is being experienced.

Notice life, aliveness and how everything is happening effortlessly. Turn the focus outside. Notice how everything simply is. Perceiving is happening. It's here, now, alive.

See how seeing just happens. There is no one behind the eyes, no watcher, no observer, only watching, observing happening in the present moment. No agent that switches seeing on and off at will. Mind is doing it's usual business of labeling experience and it is also just happening by itself without an effort.

How would everything look without a doer? What would be different?
Look at nature, what is doing it? What is that does weather? What is that does growing? What is that makes clouds move, wind blow? Is there a master doer of movement of totality?

What is the CEO of your thinking, doing, experiencing? Is there any CEO who plans actions, body movements, feelings, sensations?

I am looking forward to your findings.

Sending love,
Ghata

[Tbarnes]

Luckily I live on a farm :)
I went to the woods. I see that thoughts arise dependent upon what I sense.
I see life is just life-ing away. Animals moving and wind blowing. Things quivering. Gentle movement of life. Leaves falling.
There is no doer. Nature is not being 'done'.
The world is just being. There is movement, life, the wheel turns, it isn't being turned. I am certainly not turning it! This thing I call me is a spoke.
Without me to say that the wind is blowing or labelling it so, it still goes about its business. Invisible, inevitable.it just is.
Nothing is in charge of me. I like all other things are embedded in conditions and habit. Mostly things just occur and later there is reflection.
I find no CEO :)

[Ghata]

Does the "I" exist?

[Tbarnes]

As a passing facet of consciousness. It arises and passes away. Like all thoughts

[Tbarnes]

No it doesn't 'exist' as a separate thing. It's a word in a stream of thoughts.

[Ghata]

Thank you, Tom :-)

No it doesn't 'exist' as a separate thing. It's a word in a stream of thoughts.

How does it feel to see this?

Sending love,
Ghata

[Tbarnes]

Its good. It feels just right I suppose. Like it is as it is.
I have experienced a strong no-self before in my life. It was a darker experience but also most revelatory. It freed me in many ways.

This feels less revelatory and like I said just seeing and being with what is brings contentment. I have tried to see the self and it is not there.

[Ghata]

Thank you, Tom. :)

How are decisions made, how does choice work?

Watch when choosing what to dress with, what to drink, what to eat, which way to take...

Sending love,
Ghata

[Tbarnes]

There is sensation, then perception.then there is a positive/negative/neutral response. On the sensate level - then thoughts occur.

Choice to me isn't really happening most of the time, we are very much habitual creatures, we don't have free will. I always think of our choices more as "free won't", the possibility of breaking our cycles of habits by stepping out of them by becoming more aware.

My stomach rumbles, sensations assocatied with hunger occur. My mind perceives them as hunger. I am making food without much thought really. Making "choices" around what I want by selecting products I already have because I craved them at a shop and now I make food with them to satiate more craving.
When I think of having a drink, there are pleasant sensations, there is craving, there is the momentary satisfaction of choosing.
I'm rambling