Requesting Xian or Ilona

[Xain]

There is a habitual self that claims to have control

Interesting . . . But is there really?
In a similar way to the other exercises we did, can this self be found?
Look right now for this 'I', this self that claims to have control . . . can you find anything other than the current experience?

This may be linked to the thinking process, so let's look at that too.

Exercise:
Right now think a thought - Any thought will do - Or you could imagine an object.
Thinking and imagination can be examined in the same way as remembering smells and tastes.

1) In the thinking or imagining, can anything be found other than 'the current thought' or 'the current imagined image'?
2) Can you find an 'I', a body or an Alexander that it witnessing these things? Is there a separate thinker or imaginer here to be found?
3) Just like the last exercise with choice and control - Is there an 'I' to be found in control of thoughts?

"I am choosing" is a commentary distinct from the arm simply moving.

This is good, So could 'I am thinking' and 'I am choosing thoughts' also be commentary? Or if you like 'a thought about another thought'?

What about 'I am this body'?
What about 'I am Alexander'?

Xain ♥

[Alexander]

Interesting . . . But is there really?
In a similar way to the other exercises we did, can this self be found?
Look right now for this 'I', this self that claims to have control . . . can you find anything other than the current experience?

No I can't find anything other than the current experience. The "habitual self" i was referring to were thoughts.

Exercise:
Right now think a thought - Any thought will do - Or you could imagine an object.
Thinking and imagination can be examined in the same way as remembering smells and tastes.

1) In the thinking or imagining, can anything be found other than 'the current thought' or 'the current imagined image'?
2) Can you find an 'I', a body or an Alexander that it witnessing these things? Is there a separate thinker or imaginer here to be found?
3) Just like the last exercise with choice and control - Is there an 'I' to be found in control of thoughts?

1. No. Nothing can be found other than "the current thought"
2. No, there is just the current thought.
3. No. There is no "i" to be found. I investigated different thoughts that arose. They were often commentaries on what is being seen or felt. I can't find a "source" from which they arise. I can't find the "I" in control of choosing to do this exercise or the one who "investigated".

"I am choosing" is a commentary distinct from the arm simply moving.

This is good, So could 'I am thinking' and 'I am choosing thoughts' also be commentary? Or if you like 'a thought about another thought'?

What about 'I am this body'?
What about 'I am Alexander'?

Yes, "I am thinking" and "i am choosing thoughts" is also a commentary on a thought that simply arises like the arm simply moves. It is a thought about another thought. Thoughts commenting on other thoughts which label and define the current experience.

"I am this body" is a commentary, a definition based on the assumption that since experience is enabled through this shape (the body) than "it", is "me". But there is no "me" to be found, just movement, hearing, seeing, thinking, life-ing.

"I am Alexander" is also a commentary. The thought immediately brings with it a collection of feelings, judgements, and stories about "my" life and a self image. It is a thought about another thought, or "the master" thought that creates a storyline out of a myriad of thoughts and judgements and perceptions. It seems to have solidity/power and then on closer investigation, it is seen that it, like any other thought simply arises. It is just the current thought. There is no one thinking it and It doesn't have to come with a story.

Warmest,

Alexander

[Xain]

Great!

I am away from home at the moment and I will be able to reply fully tomorrow.

Xain *

[Alexander]

Ok great. Thanks Xain!

Alexander

[Xain]

Great answers, Alexander.

Here are some open questions for your to consider - Even if they are more 'open' in style, they are to be addressed in exactly that same way as all the other ones you did - Remember, we are looking for what you can FIND.

1) In this guidance, I have often asked you to examine the senses to see what you could find.
Can you find an 'I' here right now that looks into things that I ask?
Has there ever been an 'I', an Alexander that looked into these things? That examined the senses?

3) We would normally say 'I had a choice to come here for guidance'.
Did you have any choice in starting this guidance with me?
Could it all have 'just happened'?

Other than in commentary from thoughts, has there ever been an 'I', an Alexander AT ALL?
And the commentary from thoughts . . . was that ever under any control, or being experienced by an Alexander?

Xain ♥

[Alexander]

1) In this guidance, I have often asked you to examine the senses to see what you could find.
Can you find an 'I' here right now that looks into things that I ask?
Has there ever been an 'I', an Alexander that looked into these things? That examined the senses?

I can't find an "I" that looks into these things. It is a focus, a direction of attention without an "I". There has never been an Alexander that looked into these things. The "I" is a concept that is linked to a sense of personal identity. What's actually looking or examining is just the "looking" or "examining". I attaches itself to the looking "I am looking", when there is just looking



There was no choice in starting this guidance. Life is life-ing. There is the movement of life.
The idea of a separate self gives rise to a sense of responsibility or control. The movement is happening and thoughts comment and label as "good" or "bad" based on past thoughts experiences.
It has all "just happened". There is no separate self that has individual control. It is a belief.

It is not that life is happening "without me" or there's "nothing I need to do", it is that there is no me and no "I" to "do" anything. Just life.

ther than in commentary from thoughts, has there ever been an 'I', an Alexander AT ALL?
And the commentary from thoughts . . . was that ever under any control, or being experienced by an Alexander?

Other than commentary from thoughts there has never been an I or an Alexander.
The commentary from thoughts was never controlled. The thoughts just arise. There is only current experience. The labeling and commentary on current experience has been taken to be an actual self who is controlling thoughts and experiencing them.

Warmest,

Alexander

[Xain]

It is a focus, a direction of attention without an "I".

Does 'direction of attention' matter particularly?

What exactly is doing this 'directing attention'? I don't mean what ideas and beliefs you have about such a thing, I mean what can you FIND?

What's actually looking or examining is just the "looking" or "examining".

I am a little lost by your explanation here.
So when we did the exercise on 'seeing', it was clear to you that there was a 'seeing' that was doing the 'seeing'?
Is that what you actually found?
As I recall, all you seemed to establish was there was 'what is seen'. Nothing more than that.
You can try the exercise again if you wish to to try and establish some confidence in what you can find.

I attaches itself to the looking "I am looking", when there is just looking

Again, I am lost by your description.
You found an 'I' attaching itself to something? Is that what you found in our exercises?

Xain ♥

[Alexander]

I'm delivering an event this week but will reply as soon as I have a moment

Warmest,

Alexander

[Alexander]

Hi Xain,

Apologies for the delayed response. I'm back home and available daily. there is total commitment to following this guidance through.

It is a focus, a direction of attention without an "I".

Does 'direction of attention' matter particularly?

What exactly is doing this 'directing attention'? I don't mean what ideas and beliefs you have about such a thing, I mean what can you FIND?

The direction of attention doesn't matter. I created a separation - that there is a direction of attention and something perceived. I can't find something that is directing attention, there is no "I" or "Alexander" doing the direction of attention.

What's actually looking or examining is just the "looking" or "examining".

I am a little lost by your explanation here.
So when we did the exercise on 'seeing', it was clear to you that there was a 'seeing' that was doing the 'seeing'?
Is that what you actually found?
As I recall, all you seemed to establish was there was 'what is seen'. Nothing more than that.
You can try the exercise again if you wish to to try and establish some confidence in what you can find.

It is clear to me that there is only what is seen. Again, I can see how I had fallen back into he perception of perceiver and perceived.

I attaches itself to the looking "I am looking", when there is just looking

Again, I am lost by your description.
You found an 'I' attaching itself to something? Is that what you found in our exercises?

No, I did not find "I" attaching itself to something.

Thanks for your clarity and perceptiveness. I see how I was speaking from concepts/the mind rather than what is found in that last discourse. I'm committed to focussing on what is actually found.

Warmest,

Alexander.

[Xain]

Thanks for your replies, Alexander.
I am sorry if my questions seem pedantic at times. I need to check where you are.
All my questions are aimed at uncovering areas where something 'separate from life' might be lurking and investigate it.

Other than commentary from thoughts there has never been an I or an Alexander.
The commentary from thoughts was never controlled. The thoughts just arise. There is only current experience. The labeling and commentary on current experience has been taken to be an actual self who is controlling thoughts and experiencing them.

You seem pretty clear.

How do you feel you are doing in the guidance?
Do you have any issues that need addressing, or questions that you have right now?

Is there a 'real Alexander' here right now? Was there ever?

Xain ♥

[Alexander]

Hi Xain,

I appreciate pedantic - It's why I enrolled :)

You seem pretty clear.

How do you feel you are doing in the guidance?
Do you have any issues that need addressing, or questions that you have right now?

Is there a 'real Alexander' here right now? Was there ever?

I feel clear and like there's nothing else that needs to be seen. There wasn't a "moment" of revelation, just a "sinking into". There hasn't been any "seeking" for the last 2 weeks - for the first time in 20 years -and the reorientation has been beautiful. Easy, simple, ordinary, uneventful.

Is there a "real Alexander" here right now? No. There is no "real Alexander" here. There never was.
There is current experience; what is seen, what is heard, what is felt, thought, all simply here, naturally arising "spontaneously".
There's no separate "controller", no "chooser", no "owner", no "person" this is "happening to". There never was.
There is just current experience; just "life".

Thanks so much Xain,

Warmest,

Alexander.

[Xain]

Is there a "real Alexander" here right now? No. There is no "real Alexander" here. There never was.

Sounds good to me :)
I am genuinely pleased for you ♥

There are a further six questions I can ask you as part of this process.
The questions themselves might bring up areas we can examine together.

Ready for the questions?

Xain ♥

[Alexander]

Absolutely! :)

Thanks,

Alexander

[Xain]

Ok, Alexander, here are the first three of the six:

1) Is there a separate entity 'self', 'me' 'I', at all, anywhere, in any way, shape or form? Was there ever?

2) Explain in detail what the illusion of separate self is, when it starts and how it works from your own experience and understanding. Describe it fully as you see it now.

3) How does it feel to see this? What is the difference (if anything) from before you started this guidance with me?
Please report from the past few days.

Xain ♥

[Alexander]

1) Is there a separate entity 'self', 'me' 'I', at all, anywhere, in any way, shape or form? Was there ever?

No, there is no separate entity "self", "me" or "I", in any shape or form. There never was.

2) Explain in detail what the illusion of separate self is, when it starts and how it works from your own experience and understanding. Describe it fully as you see it now.

The illusion of a separate self is a function of language. It starts when, as children we are taught to refer to things as "me" or "mine"; "my body", "my book", "my thought", "my feeling". Likewise, the use of the word "I" creates the sense of a separate self. "I feel", "I think", "I am Alexander".
This use of language creates the illusion that there is an entity that exists "inside" the body that is the "owner" of the body's words, movement, thoughts and feelings; an entity "separate" from the "outside world" who has control over circumstances and events.
The illusion reinforces itself or "works" through commenting or labelling. The commenting or labelling of thoughts, feelings or events (which always happens after what is just arising) creates an illusion of a separate entity to which whatever is arising "happens to".

3) How does it feel to see this? What is the difference (if anything) from before you started this guidance with me?
Please report from the past few days.

It feels liberating to see that there is no separate entity. There are feelings of simplicity, ease, contentment and calmness. It feels sober, balanced, mature and clear. There's the feeling of softness and openness knowing there's no "me" to protect or defend. There's less judgement/comparison. Listening to others speak, the illusion of an "I" that runs the show is crystal clear and rather endearing; "I need to do this/think differently/try to do better".
Seeking has fallen away. Teachers, teachings and gurus no longer feel relevant. This and the feelings noted above are all the most noticeable differences.
Two days ago I experienced "negative" emotion but there was no judgement or desire for it to be any different. It was there and then it was gone. Before this guidance "I" would've felt it shouldn't have been there and used different tools and practices to try to "shift" it :) This experience is another noticeable difference.

With appreciation,

Alexander