Hi Nina,
Here are some responses.
1) Is there a separate entity 'self', 'me' 'I', at all, anywhere, in any way, shape or form? Was there ever?
No such entity exists in actual experience. It only ever existed as an illusion.
2) Explain in detail what the illusion of separate self is, when it starts and how it works from your own experience. Describe it fully as you see it now.
The separate self:
- isn’t a ’thing’ but a concept, built of thoughts;
- gives the illusion of an ‘experiencer’, ‘controller’, and an 'identity’ which is ‘persistent through time’;
- ‘personalises’ experience and appears to need protection from some ‘external world’;
- leads to a continuous cascade of ‘self-referencing’ thoughts, all helping to sustain each other;
- is difficult to see though until the over-emphasis of thought is recognised and dropped;
- appears to keep returning, but is easily dropped again and again.
When the separate self started is unknown, even in ‘memory', though presumably around 2-3 years old, from watching children!
3) How does it feel to see this? What is the difference from before you started this dialogue? Please report from the past few days.
In most ways things are the same, but some key differences are:
- when thoughts are recognised they can be instantly released and may ‘float away’ at some point;
- actual experience gets more attention as 'self’ gets less;
- a sense of not really knowing how life works, but being comfortable with it;
- more genuine acceptance of what arises;
- taking things less personally;
- there have been 'proud' thoughts, which then get recognised as thoughts, and drop away.
4) What was the last bit that pushed you over, made you look?
Without being fully conscious of it, there was frustration and resistance to looking. Trying to resolve this with more thought became stressful. Finally, with a sulky attitude, there was resignation to "just look and draw any old dumb conclusions". A moment later stress turned into a smile, as looking seemed ‘enough’.
5) Describe decision, intention, free will, choice and control. What makes things happen? How does it work? What are you responsible for? Give examples from experience.
Free will, and related terms, imply some separate self which makes decisions and “might have done otherwise”. But when the separate self is dropped there is just 'what is’, and topics of authorship are recognised as just thoughts and can be let go.
For example, on some level it appears that ‘I’ am choosing what to write this, but it's also recognised that 'I’ is just a thought like any other. Both viewpoints are visible, but it can be seen that there is no ‘entity' to assume responsibility for this text.
So all that is left is direct experience, and the unimaginably complex interactions between 'things'. Well, that last bit is just a story to help answer the question ’what makes things happen', but it's hard to answer the question without reverting to concepts.
As for responsibility, there is no ‘I’ to be responsible for anything. However, if I were to go around hitting people then it would still make sense to stop me on the basis that I caused pain!
6) Anything to add?
It’s clear that this isn’t and end point, and that looking needs to be applied in many other aspect of life, as thoughts still take hold easily and gain momentum... until recognised.
Thank you so much for your guidance, it’s been a great experience.
James
