My imagined thread

[Florisness]

In the morning there was a small anger freaking laughing moment going on, it created more space. Right now there is some kind of lazy/sad emotion. That same emotion showed up 2 times earlier today, behind it seems to be maybe a sadness and soft fear of something unknown, it's hard to tell.

I am trying to see the no-I clearer, but that's hard to do because I'm not sure what I means to me. The lazy emotion that is present seems to keep me from focusing on the I, it's subtle.

The I probably means something that controls right? That makes choices. This typing seems just to happen, there is a desire that seems to make this typing occur, not a control or choice to do so. The desire is also not controllable, blah blah blah. I'm going for a walk

Thank you once again for your selflessness

[Canfora]

In the morning there was a small anger freaking laughing moment going on, it created more space. Right now there is some kind of lazy/sad emotion. That same emotion showed up 2 times earlier today, behind it seems to be maybe a sadness and soft fear of something unknown, it's hard to tell.

Fear of something unknown... Hmm, let's poke a little and see if there is fear in the way of seeing.

What emotional reaction do you have to the following statement?

There is no separate self at all in reality. No agent that is in charge, no manager, no watcher, no owner of life - no doer of actions, no maker of decisions, no "entity" there at all - nothing, nada, zip; all there is is life flowing freely as one movement.

Please tell me everything that comes up for you.

I am trying to see the no-I clearer

Holy cow, how can you see something that doesn't exist? That's impossible. Look to what you can see. Can you see a you?

[Florisness]

There is no separate self at all in reality. No agent that is in charge, no manager, no watcher, no owner of life - no doer of actions, no maker of decisions, no "entity" there at all - nothing, nada, zip; all there is is life flowing freely as one movement.

Okay first I started laughing, than I waited until that was gone to reread it.
'There is no separate self at all in reality.' A sigh. Some tensions come. Anxious, fear.
'no "entity" there at all - nothing, nada, zip' that creates almost a crying emotion. Sadness, meaninglessness, loss?
'all there is is life flowing freely as one movement' that creates some longing for peace. A bit of letting go.
The overal emotion to cry is the strongest. I just tried to look what was behind that, and there was a glimpse of a feeling of emptiness (I think). That created more cryinglike emotion.

Holy cow, how can you see something that doesn't exist? That's impossible. Look to what you can see. Can you see a you?

Thank you. Indeed that is a bit silly.
No can't be found..

[Canfora]

If there is no you, what are those emotions trying to protect?
Do you have any control in what shows up?

[Florisness]

If there is no you, what are those emotions trying to protect?

Just an idea, or a belief in a me.

Do you have any control in what shows up?

No it just shows up.

[Canfora]

Are you saying there is no you in what shows up? How does it feel to see this?
Do you think there is something missing, something that isn't quite right, do you feel that "this can't be it"?

I'm trying to guess what is going on, because you aren't telling me! :)

[Florisness]

Are you saying there is no you in what shows up? How does it feel to see this?

Haha first of all, great appreciation for your mind tricks in your words, they work great.
No, no me in all that shows up. How that feels; hard to tell, not much feeling involved. There is a tiny unsettling feeling and a little questioning-openness feeling.

Do you think there is something missing, something that isn't quite right, do you feel that "this can't be it"?

Yes there is a sense that something is missing, although 'this is not it' is closer to it.

Feeling a bit empty for the last hours, not in a negative sense. There is also some boredom present. My world view feeling for today is 'do only thing to do in life is messing around'. Also I feel that uhh this liberation thing is close, there is a little distraction sense to not look, but I've nothing else to do so the distraction drive has to put up with that. I've the feeling that if this liberation thing (or aha moment) will just arise that I can than just take it easy and go uhh messing around.

[Canfora]

Feeling a bit empty for the last hours, not in a negative sense.

Did you lost a center? :)
When you look to what you used to think you were, to where do you look? What is there?
Don't think, look. And describe what you see.

[Florisness]

Did you lost a center? :)

Hmm no not so much, although I can't point to a center. I do feel less as a something.

When you look to what you used to think you were, to where do you look? What is there?
Don't think, look. And describe what you see.

That's hard, not sure how to start this. I'm looking at images and feelings of "me" that used to be (more) present and I'm uhh well.. just looking at them, nothing special about those.
Looking at the body, I still get a sense that it is my body, 'of who is this body?' I ask 'me', 'who's that? and than mind goes blank. Yes there is still a feeling that this body has something to do with me.

I can say that there is no a me in experience with confidence, but hmm can't than say that there is no me at all without doubt. The question 'anyone living life?' seems to point to this block, I did work with the question a bit and it did free up a little more peaceful/simple perspective on life so to say, but there is still more to gain from the question. hmm this hole attitude towards life has changed a lot, I'm definitely not a materialist anymore hahaha

[Canfora]

Would you say the body is a form of life that isn't separated from life (as much as anything else)?
Where in the body would a you be?

[Florisness]

Where in the body would a you be?

Question dissolved

I think it all needs a last click or something. There is no me in experience, that's clear. 'Is there a me living life?' hmm there is a doubt here, a small one. 'Is there a me at all?' a 'nnnnn' forms but it doesn't turn into a 'no'.

Can't pinpoint the "obstacle" any clearer than this..

Fingers type on the keyboard, words form, there is a noticing. It's all a gentle happening. Mind is fairly quiet.

[Canfora]

A last click is needed? Do you believe this thought?
Are you expecting to reach a permanent state of seeing, without fluctuations?
A "this is it" and now I can rest?
Hmm.... not my experience. After the gate what we call falling may happen - other beliefs may need to be addressed, doubts and sh"tty situations may appear to be dealt with (life goes on, like it did before).

Have a look. Do you see this experience?
Is it possible to find a you separated from this?
Maybe it would be easier to see this, if you would sit somewhere and look at other people. Or animals. Or trees. Or clouds. Are these apparent entities/things separated from life or are they life, aliveness?

And if after doing this ^ you shift your attention "inside", is this "inside" separated from the "outside" you've been looking at, or there is no "inside" to be found? Only aliveness as a all?

It's difficult to find the words to express this, I hope you understand what I'm trying to point at.

[Florisness]

A last click is needed? Do you believe this thought?
Are you expecting to reach a permanent state of seeing, without fluctuations?
A "this is it" and now I can rest?

Yes it seems a bit silly, doesn't it?
No I knew it would be more of a beginning thing.


You're tickling a spot with these last questions, it makes me tired (feels like a slight resistance) and fuzzy.

Maybe it would be easier to see this, if you would sit somewhere and look at other people. Or animals. Or trees. Or clouds. Are these apparent entities/things separated from life or are they life, aliveness?

Not separate from life, it is all life.

And if after doing this ^ you shift your attention "inside", is this "inside" separated from the "outside" you've been looking at, or there is no "inside" to be found? Only aliveness as a all?

All these different senses only seem to be a different expression of life. I stayed with it for a while, the senses seem to be fairly similar but it still feels that the center is more towards the body.

2 hours past since I wrote this above, I walked with the dogs and became very frustrated. It turned into a bit of background anger now.

[Canfora]

2 hours past since I wrote this above, I walked with the dogs and became very frustrated. It turned into a bit of background anger now.

Do you feel a pull to change what is going on right now? If you do, can you see how wanting things to be different creates the illusion that there is a you that needs something or isn't okay as it is?

If you look to these emotions with curiosity, would you say they are personal, personal as stuck to /belonging to a you?

You're doing really well. Hope I'm not hitting you too hard with all these pointers!

[Florisness]

The frustration/anger turned into crying when I read that.

yes the frustration is very much like a 'It's not going my way' thing, but that's just based on thoughts of course.

If you look to these emotions with curiosity, would you say they are personal, personal as stuck to /belonging to a you?

Well yes personal in relation to the "me"-fantasies/desires.