The Gate

Dear Bananafish,

After yesterday, somehow lighter and a bit more grounded than ever, a feeling resided and it's like this...

it is weaved with many nice emotions; joy and a bit of humor, acceptance and surrender... there were moments to which "i" could have reacted, but this time it felt like a sheer curtain that could be seen and felt as no nuisance to see what's happening (and actually, through that curtain i saw that things were happening, they were not happening to "me")

it was, before, like a thick cloak, gluing whatever happening on this body&mind...

:)

endless thanks for this...

as per your questions, reflecting from this new feeling i explained above, what may be a question yesterday is not a question anymore, but rather an understanding... it's ok all the same...

Yes, “enough” is an idea, but is it created by another idea called “I?”

The degree of "being enough" or even just the thought of "enough" is a part of a larger idea called "cuci", it is as if the idea of "you should be enough for everything" is installed in this software called cuci :) in line with the upbringing, previous conditionings and so forth...

Does an idea create another idea with its own will,
or do ideas just pop up in the form of thoughts and images,
sometimes randomly and sometimes in relation to each other?

An idea does not create another idea with its own will, of course :) they are all like clouds entering and exiting my vision, random, irrelevant and totally without origin.

Can thoughts themselves think?

No, they may lead to related or unrelated topics of thoughts but they can't think themselves...

Is there anything special in the thought “I,”
or Is it just another thought?


Can the the “I” think?

it is just another thought and can't think... as above, thoughts can't think themselves...

Where exactly in the body is the feeling felt?

What is this "mind" in which that feeling is felt?

:) the feeling of heavy cloak of "i", explained above, it was like acting on its own, and the body&mind was following like a puppet, it was all over, not exactly at a particular place in the body, but rather the cloak assumed the body as a host :) i hope it makes sense... but right now it is like a curtain, there is perception through curtain and nothing is done or seen or heard by a certain cuci...

it is like this bananafish..

thank you

:)

After yesterday, somehow lighter and a bit more grounded than ever, a feeling resided and it's like this...

it is weaved with many nice emotions; joy and a bit of humor, acceptance and surrender... there were moments to which "i" could have reacted, but this time it felt like a sheer curtain that could be seen and felt as no nuisance to see what's happening (and actually, through that curtain i saw that things were happening, they were not happening to "me")

it was, before, like a thick cloak, gluing whatever happening on this body&mind...

:)

endless thanks for this...

Glad to hear that, cuci … :)

The degree of "being enough" or even just the thought of "enough" is a part of a larger idea called "cuci", it is as if the idea of "you should be enough for everything" is installed in this software called cuci :) in line with the upbringing, previous conditionings and so forth...

Did you see that both “enough” and “cuci” are ideas which don’t really have one
concrete thing to point to?

Conditioning happens, but to whom does it happen?
Does it happen to “cuci?”

An idea does not create another idea with its own will, of course :) they are all like clouds entering and exiting my vision, random, irrelevant and totally without origin.

No, they may lead to related or unrelated topics of thoughts but they can't think themselves...

it is just another thought and can't think... as above, thoughts can't think themselves...

Great observations here … :)

the feeling of heavy cloak of "i", explained above, it was like acting on its own, and the body&mind was following like a puppet, it was all over, not exactly at a particular place in the body, but rather the cloak assumed the body as a host :) i hope it makes sense... but right now it is like a curtain, there is perception through curtain and nothing is done or seen or heard by a certain cuci...

it is like this bananafish..

thank you

Thank you so much for your honesty and courage!

Now, do you feel that a certain kind of shift
happened? Are you now sure that you saw through the illusion?

If not, that's totally OK, since I'm here for you to dissolve every
doubt and issues remaining. :)


Peace,

Bananafish

Dear Bananafish,

Conditioning happens, but to whom does it happen?
Does it happen to “cuci?”

it doesn't happen to "cuci", nothing really happens to cuci :)

the wind blows strongly over the bushes at the seaside and in time it alters the shapes of the bushes..

with effect of the strong wind, the bushes look almost flat on the hills instead of growing towards the sky...

does the wind happen to the bushes? no... the wind just blows...

it feels like this...

Now, do you feel that a certain kind of shift
happened? Are you now sure that you saw through the illusion?

If not, that's totally OK, since I'm here for you to dissolve every
doubt and issues remaining. :)

it feels like i had a glimpse of the visceral understanding on this...

it did, smoothly :)

i can only smile now... concentrating on this...

there is a silly smile on my face all the time :)

thank you, thank you, thank you :)

it doesn't happen to "cuci", nothing really happens to cuci :)

the wind blows strongly over the bushes at the seaside and in time it alters the shapes of the bushes..

with effect of the strong wind, the bushes look almost flat on the hills instead of growing towards the sky...

does the wind happen to the bushes? no... the wind just blows...

it feels like this...

Wind just blows.
Bushes just move.


Beautiful. :)

it feels like i had a glimpse of the visceral understanding on this...

it did, smoothly :)

i can only smile now... concentrating on this...

there is a silly smile on my face all the time :)

thank you, thank you, thank you :)

So nice to hear that from you, cuci. :)


Do you feel you're ready for the final questions?

Dearest Bananafish...

Do you feel you're ready for the final questions?

i didn't write you for a long time... are the final questions an end to this sharing, because honestly i feel like i don't want this to end, there is a bond now and maybe just this feeling reveals that i'm not ready yet, and this is the reason i didn't want to reply sooner :) i don't know really...


before you wrote:

If not, that's totally OK, since I'm here for you to dissolve every
doubt and issues remaining. :)

no doubts and specific issues, it feels like even with this little understanding everything could be explained... it feels like this is a key that could open every door, and there is no possibility that i could ask you to help me open each door that appears in this life... before your guidance there was a yearning to understand how to experience the state of no "i", right now it is like-i don't know how to explain-... now there is a strong feeling around my heart to see that this feeling cultivates.. there is a feeling that i have a tiny seed in my heart, and it wants to grow a bit more, and dwell in my chest for some time...

the beauty of it wants to expand and cultivate.. i don't know, and it doesn't matter really... there is a lightness about this feeling... and i just want to swim in it :)

:)

that's it...

maybe you can give me some time :)

lots of love

Hi cuci!

i didn't write you for a long time... are the final questions an end to this sharing, because honestly i feel like i don't want this to end, there is a bond now and maybe just this feeling reveals that i'm not ready yet, and this is the reason i didn't want to reply sooner :) i don't know really...

If you feel like continuing the dialogue, that's totally ok;
after the final questions are asked, I and the other guides are going to
read them and post questions for you, if any.


After all the guides are happy with your answers,
you will be given access to pages for further investigation.


We can continue there, or continue via email, which I
did with my guide for a while after gatecrashing.

no doubts and specific issues, it feels like even with this little understanding everything could be explained... it feels like this is a key that could open every door, and there is no possibility that i could ask you to help me open each door that appears in this life... before your guidance there was a yearning to understand how to experience the state of no "i", right now it is like-i don't know how to explain-... now there is a strong feeling around my heart to see that this feeling cultivates.. there is a feeling that i have a tiny seed in my heart, and it wants to grow a bit more, and dwell in my chest for some time...

the beauty of it wants to expand and cultivate.. i don't know, and it doesn't matter really... there is a lightness about this feeling... and i just want to swim in it :)

:)

that's it...

maybe you can give me some time :)

Take your time, and let me know when you're ready for the
questions. :)


Warm regards,

Bananafish

thank you bananafish :)

Dearest Bananafish,

It's been a long time.. I had the chance to observe how the feelings, emotions and thoughts fluctuate, like waves...

There is a lot to write and nothing to write at the same time... everything is just "is" :)

At times there is a feeling that everything just flows and everything will "be" as it is without any "i" involved in it.. it is immense and it is beautiful...

And also there are times when "i" and the multiple thoughts kick in, but it is ok too... everything seems perfectly as it is...

i realize that i keep away from people, my old friends, i don't want to get involved in lengthy talks about anything... solitude and just "doing" things feels so fine :)

so, yes... i'm ready for the questions..

and thank you, thank you again...

so much love

Dear cuci,

Glad to hear from you again. :)
Also very glad that you're ready for the final questions now ...


Please don't think over the questions (never aim at the "right" answers),
and be honest, ask me if there's anything unclear.


So, here are the questions:


1) Is there a separate entity 'self', 'me' 'I', at all, anywhere, in any way, shape or form? Was there ever?

2) Explain in detail what the illusion of separate self is, when it starts and how it works from your own experience. Describe it fully as you see it now.

3) How does it feel to see this? What is the difference from before you started this dialogue? Please report from the past few days.

4) What was the last bit that pushed you over, made you look?

5) Describe decision, intention, free will, choice and control. What makes things happen? How does it work? What are you responsible for? Give examples from experience.

6) Anything to add?


Please take your time, cuci. I'm looking forward to
receiving your reply. :)

Dearest Bananafish,

Here are the answers...

1) Is there a separate entity 'self', 'me' 'I', at all, anywhere, in any way, shape or form? Was there ever?

Simply no. There was a story that assumed the role of a certain "i" or "me" or "self", but it is a thought. So there wasn't ever a separate entity as an "i", there wasn't, in fact, a subject of any actions...

2) Explain in detail what the illusion of separate self is, when it starts and how it works from your own experience. Describe it fully as you see it now.

I don't know exactly when but at some point in childhood, there must be a moment when separation comes as a concept like "i" and the rest of the universe...

this separate "i" is a heap of stories that have accumulated from that point on... it could have been a completely different story under different circumstances, within a different context of parents, experiences or interactions... it's like a software that assumes an identity, which in fact is just a story..
and the "i" is in illusion that it functions, it thinks or has a certain character or is a doer of things or is the object of others' actions, or simply an object to whatever happens... therefore other millions of ideas and feelings come along... realizing that this "i" is illusory multiplies all these millions of ideas and feelings directly associated with the "i" by zero. there is no doer, and there is no object... everything is just is... everything happens...

the way i see now, "i" is only a linguistic referential necessity, a grammatical item. the feeling of this is immense because seeing this is like losing gravity, once there is no "i" that assumes an identity life is flowing by itself as if in a non-gravity room :)

3) How does it feel to see this? What is the difference from before you started this dialogue? Please report from the past few days.

it feels liberating :)
it feels light :)

the difference is vast. really don't know how to put these into words. there are differences as to how i perceive life and there are differences in everyday routines as well..

it feels like there could be no control over what happens, and once this kicks in there is absolutely nothing that can be done, to be completed or to be achieved by a certain "i". so i just do things... i lose myself in doing things, without any expectation of an outcome and then, for example, dusting the shelves becomes meditation :) everything is random, thoughts, emotions... just watching them come and go, like clouds entering my vision... sometimes there are many, sometimes there are few...

one of the most profound changes is this, everything is ok. many thoughts are ok and no thoughts are ok too :)

there is no labeling as to what needs to be done in terms of work or deadlines, and in fact there is no labeling of anything at all...

all the notion of success, achievement, failure or "i did it" looks void...

and also this feeling surfaces in the most unusual ways; i realize that my tastes have changed, i have developed an appreciation of silly things, the things that used to attract my attention doesn't bother me anymore.

4) What was the last bit that pushed you over, made you look?

That exact moment, i have shared with you Bananafish... "...the wind just blows"

Looking at the bush on the slopes at the seaside. Seeing that they have different shapes than the bushes away from the sea... these ones had different shapes because of the wind.. the wind didn't happen to them, the wind just blew...

i feel, this exactly resonated with the feeling of "being an object to whatever happens" within... before i had an understanding that "everything happened to me" and so "i" had to be this way or that way, "i" had feelings associated with everything that happened to "me"... that's why that moment of realizing "the wind just blows" was so deep... not only "the wind just blows" but also there are trillions of other things happening simultaneously... the leaves fall, the sun rises, the cat meows, the car stops, the glass breaks, everything... and there is nothing in particular that happens "to me", or that happened "for me", or that happened "because of me"... once the subject "i" drops, everything just happens by itself :)

5) Describe decision, intention, free will, choice and control. What makes things happen? How does it work? What are you responsible for? Give examples from experience.

all illusory, decision, intention, free will, choice and control is only possible through an established perspective of "i". once there is no doer there can't be any decisions or intentions...
there is a randomness in the way things happen. we have a tendency to find results, patterns or ways of perception to explain the way things happen in life, "i do this and because of what i did, this happened" and this resides everywhere, it creates multiple emotions...

but in fact, all happens by itself in total randomness, as for example one day the wind blows and the next day rain falls and the next day tidal waves cover the bushes on the seaside...

at no point one particular bush comes out and says "hey, it's because i decided to be here at this slope, i have to go through all these wind, rain and water" :) it just happens without control, decisions or intentions...

we are under the illusion that we control things happening, even the thoughts... they come and go, irrelevant...

as for responsibility... the same as above... we can be only responsible for bringing out our disposition as human beings... even then, it will happen by itself without any efforts attached to it.

6) Anything to add?

so much to add and nothing to add at the same time.. so just love and peace

endless thanks

Greetings, cuci. :)

My fellow guides have kindly taken a look at our dialogue,
and they seem to have no questions regarding your answers to the final questions.


Welcome Home, cuci!
You've crashed the gate ...


I'll send you a private message, so please take a look at it.


Thanks you!


Bananafish

Dearest Bananafish,

Endless thanks for being such a kind guide and companion on this journey...

Also endless thanks for everyone who have contributed in some way to this journey..

Love and peace