The Gate

But now if it's seen to be just a thought conditioning can start to fall away.

That's happening somehow already. But it is oviously not really seen yet. If it was, there would be a deep sense of relief coming with it, would'nt it?. And Although it totaly makes sense and is ever present in my mind, it did'nt realy sink in yet. Sorta frustrating to be quite honest. The weird thing is, that it sometimes feels very close and the next moment it doesn't at all.

You tell me, can the "someone" who is causing the thoughts be found? Or does it more seem like they just arise on their own and fall away.

The question still doesn' really make sense to me. What does "someone" mean? Can anything be experienced without "someone" who experiences it? And if yes, what's the difference? To me it seems, that the "self" is a constructions made of many different parts within the boudries of my physical body that is in constant flux. The "I" of today is different from the "I" ten years ago. And if the reality and my knowledge of it changes, the "I" changes to. It adapts. But it still is there most of the time.

There is a strong desire to see it. that much i can tell you. (Funny, how i always try to avoid the "One-Letter-word" "I")

The question still doesn' really make sense to me. What does "someone" mean? Can anything be experienced without "someone" who experiences it? And if yes, what's the difference? To me it seems, that the "self" is a constructions made of many different parts within the boudries of my physical body that is in constant flux. The "I" of today is different from the "I" ten years ago. And if the reality and my knowledge of it changes, the "I" changes to. It adapts. But it still is there most of the time.

You see though, this entire statement depends on thought.

Close your eyes and try to find the boundary of 'you'. Where do you end and begin?


And I will say again. This is NOT an attainment. "You" don't get anything. It is seeing the absence of you. Saying "I haven't seen it, or I am so close is based on the illusion of an "I" who has that. Where exactly is that in experience?

Today it seemed like the constant stream of thought had gaps. in those gaps there is nothing. I had this feeling a couple of times before. One weird experience always was, that those gaps are accompanied by a fear that i have to give up stuff. give up everything to be precise. Its like a combination of being afraid of missing out and losing control.
And also i can't hold on to it. I can't keep it and come back to it, when i want to. It's like the total surrender to my own powerlessness. Everything i know is worth nothing. It's slippery.

in those gaps there is nothing.

If there is nothing, then where is the 'you' in that experience. It's gone, is it not?

If there is nothing, then where is the 'you' in that experience. It's gone, is it not?

yep, its not there. Of course it kinda sneeks back in after three seconds just because it's so used to. but when i directly stare at what's going on, there is no "I". It's kind of a fragile state though and i don't really trust it yet.

Don't ask me "Who is not trusting it yet" now :D

Don't ask me "Who is not trusting it yet" now :D

hahah :D

yep, its not there. Of course it kinda sneeks back in after three seconds just because it's so used to. but when i directly stare at what's going on, there is no "I". It's kind of a fragile state though and i don't really trust it yet.

YES :) Awesome. That's it. haha.

The thought sneaks back in, but it's ALWAYS just a thought. Nothing more. A thought doesn't all of a sudden self real, it's just a thought rising and falling away.


If you have any more comments/questions. Let me know. If not we can move on to the final questions.

Bring it on.

The thought sneaks back in, but it's ALWAYS just a thought. Nothing more. A thought doesn't all of a sudden self real, it's just a thought rising and falling away.

It's a concious effort though to see the absense of self. When i'm cought up in every day activity i forget most of the time. It feels kind of slippery like learning to stay in balance on a thin rope or like adjusting the eyes to focus. Im just telling you, so that you can evaluate, if this it really it.

When it works it is like everything gets transparent. kinda weird and definatly new.

sorry, accidently hit code instead of quote.

Here they are:

1) Is there a separate entity 'self', 'me' 'I', at all, anywhere, in any way, shape or form? Was there ever?

2) Explain in detail what the illusion of separate self is, when it starts and how it works from your own experience. Describe it fully as you see it now.

3) How does it feel to see this? What is the difference from before you started this dialogue? Please report from the past few days.

4) What was the last bit that pushed you over, made you look?

5) Describe decision, intention, free will, choice and control. What makes things happen? How does it work? What are you responsible for? Give examples from experience.

6) Anything to add?

Hi,

I have lots of work today and will be heading to Spain tomorrow. I might need one or two days to answer those questions. I don't know yet how the internet situation is going to be for the next week, but i let you know.

Best
Ben

Ok. Thank you for letting me know

Will try to wright something tomorrow. Only habe smartphone and slow connection right now
Best
Ben

Same situation as yesterday. Will post something every day till i have some time and a real keyboard.

Thanks for checking in. You can just respond to the final questions whenever you get a chance.

Could take a few days. Spend my days reading the "gateless gatecrashers".