hello kevalino,
Is there a separate entity, "self," "me," or "I" at all, anywhere, in any way, shape or form? Was there ever?
there is no separate "self" to find anywhere. since it isn´t there, it obviously has never been there and is just a conditioned thought pattern.
Explain in detail what the illusion of separate self is, when it starts and how it works from your own experience. Describe it fully as you see it now.
the illusion of separate self is merely created by thought and/ or sensual perception. Thoughts arise, often based on history, experience, habits, preferences aso. in various situations and become personalized by a thought pattern called "I". The illusion of "my" thoughts takes place.
The imaginary "I" tends to like or dislike, followed by bodily sensations, emotions, feelings and arousal of those sensations tend to be personalized as well. It´s like a conditioned reflex, that the imaginary "I" draws the conclusion, that "I" is made of these thoughts and sensations.
The body itself is also personalized by the "I", especially due to the senses of seeing, hearing, smelling, tasting and feeling. The experienced sensations become inhabited by the "I" thought pattern and create a sense of "my" sensations, felt through "my" body, eventhough there´s no "I" to be found, just awareness of what is.
How does it feel to see this? What is the difference from before you started this dialogue? Please report from the past few days.
It doesn´t feel that different i have to say, except that it started a process of seeing through those habitual patterns. Before it was very easy to get drawn into thoughts and sensations on a level of "me" or "mine", resulting in alot of struggle and confusion, seperation from "the outside" and just being "in here".
within the past few days the biggest breakthrough was realising that avoidance of "what is" creates separation. By just seing things the way they are and not trying to change them, it created a feeling of intimacy and closeness.
What was the last bit that pushed you over, made you look?
on a very privat level, the approach of my former partner to get back in touch with me, even though "I" was sure
to avoid a contact, due to emotional pain and anger. by realizing that this only creates separation and supports the "imaginary self" thought, the conclusion of just looking at what is and accepting what i can´t change, was a surprisingly liberating moment.
Describe decision, intention, free will, choice and control. What makes things happen? How does it work? What are you responsible for? Give examples from experience.
Decision, intention, free will, choice and control are thought patterns, creating the illusion of "I" am in charge here.
Everything just happens, driven by a constant flow of energy that is not controlled by an illusion called "I".
I can´t clearly explain how "it" works, but it´s all just happening from moment to moment. there´s a capacity of energy all over that makes things happen in various forms.
As being only awareness, i´m not responsible for what is happening. Engagement with the illusion of a separate self and its habits and conditionings could cause interferences and actions based on habits and conditioning. Responsibility is quiet relative, since there is nothing like an "I", that could be responsible. Merely actions and reactions driven by this illusory identification with the "I" thought might cause damage on others, so that the illusion becomes responsible for such an outcome. Out of anger or jealousy, actions had been taken that used force to change what "was". Force in this sense is always violent, and creates only more struggle, supporting the illusion of "I" and tightening the cage of conditioning and habits.
Anything to add?
there is one question that has been difficult to clarify. If the "I" illusion arises within a child round about the age of two years, so starts the process of conditioning, sticking to that illusion of "self". By experience of various different circumstances and situations, the illusory "self" starts to create a story of itself and so the child develops certain habitual patterns and so on.
what happens, if the child is exposed to circumstances and experiences that might have a negative impact, before the process of "self" identification starts? can this also be understood as just an illusion, or is the "reflex" of memory stored on a different level than just thought, for example in the body?
thank you
Aragorn