The Gate

Hi Ilona,
Sorry I've had to deal with something that has taken time away from this. I will try this exercise later as my thoughts are not in a good place right now. Love Sharon

Hi Ilona,
I'm ready to continue, thanks for your patients.

Close your eyes and imagine you are in the kitchen. Just visualise and look around, notice where things are put.
This is an image, it can trigger feelings and contractions - expansions.

Yes I can see the kitchen in my minds eye.

]Open eyes and see how a image can be created and explored in the mind.

Go to the kitchen and look at same things that you saw in the image, how does imagining and experiencing same things differ?

What I noticed is imagining, just as in the fruit exercise, though vivid only engages perceptual images from memory, the details are not as clear. Like seeing objects in two d rather than three d. if that makes sense?.

What is the main difference between what is in actuality and mind images?

The actual seeing seemed to have a different perspective, richer in colour and larger or clearer than the mind/memory images. The actual was alive and vibrant.

Is I, me, the separate self something that can be observed in actuality or only in images?
What does that mean?

It seems that the separate self is only an image. Though if I look at my hand I see a hand be it just a name for this thing that I’ve learned is called a hand. But this is just the physical me. The me I Sharon etc. is just an image, a thought by imagination, a thought construct, this is clear to me.

I Hope these answers are what your meaning to point to Ilona.

Again, Blessings and Love.

Sharon.

Hi Ilona,
There has been a lot of breakthroughs in thought for me this past day or so. I'm eager to continue and be challenged to see through this veil though in all honesty it seems to be happening all on its own. I've been feeling elated and don't know why. Like the fog of uncertainty and doubt is clearing from my vision (the thought vision..my actual vision is deteriorating ..old age LOL). Sensations in the abdominals now I can observe without eversion which is interesting. Interesting to what ?? Awareness being aware is the only way to explain. No observer just observation. This is fantastic to me. I've had problems getting past this egoic (if there is such a word Ha ha now there is!! If you understand my meaning of it anyhow!!!) sense of self. Another thought construct which I knew in theory but am fully aware of now. Please feel free to ply me with more exercises I would like to know if it is just imagination that this clarity is presenting itself like if you wish for it badly enough. However that doesn't seem to stand up to inquiry so why question?? Yes feels like I'm going through this but not sure if I'm doing it right..which makes no sense as why care if it feels right. Oh Oh here comes doubt again. LOL...

Please help.


Love and Light,

Sharon.

thank you for reply. it's great to hear that fog is lifting :)
there is only one way that things can happen, is the way that things are happening! there is no right nor wrong, but what is happening.

here is another exercise for you. you can investigate how language creates a doer and see it for yourself. here is a link to an article, that has the exercise, you can do it here or on paper.
http://markedeternal.blogspot.co.uk/2012/05/labels.html

After you done that, answer this, is sense of self happening to an i? is i needed for sensations to happen?

sending love.

Thank you so much for this Ilona. I'll do this later today. Namaste


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Hi Ilona,

This is my second attempt at this which is fine as the first was too lengthy anyhow LOL Totally unnecessary!! . Loved that Blog by the way totally resonated with how things are seen for me.

Until I looked. It really was just one look, it took a few seconds and all the search was over. The search for clarity, the quest of 'who am I?' was seen as cosmic joke.

Yep ha ha ha My big AHA moment..so obvious right??

Kind of forgot somewhere in the answering of these questions though at times. Trying happened that why LOL

There is no who.
There is nothing here in direct experience that is separate from experienced. Just this. Always now.

Yes Yes And Yes...

After you done that, answer this, is sense of self happening to an i? is i needed for sensations to happen?

Well No and No.. Awesome, clarity is awesome thank you Ilona.

So what is the next step?? Feels good peaceful. Thanks you again Ilona.

In Metta,
Namaste,

Sharon.<3

sweet. well, the next step is this-
is it clear, that separate self, aka i, is mind created illusion?
is there any doubt?
are you ready to answer our "final questions"?

much love

YES Ilona..Thank you.

Namaste,

Sweet! Here they are :)

1) Is there a separate entity 'self', 'me' 'I', at all, anywhere, in any way, shape or form? Was there ever?

2) Explain in detail what the illusion of separate self is, when it starts and how it works from your own experience. Describe it fully as you see it now.

3) How does it feel to see this? What is the difference from before you started this dialogue? Please report from the past few days.

4) What was the last bit that pushed you over, made you look?

5) Can you talk about decision, intention, free will, choice and control? What makes things happen? How does it work? What are you responsible for? Give examples from experience.

6) Anything to add?

Please answer in full, when ready.

Much love.

Thanks Ilona. I'll reply tomorrow after reflecting on these .. Great . Could answer most right now but want to test them first to see to feel I've answered to the full extent possible without rambling lol
Namaste️


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Hi Ilona,


Deep breath, keeping centered.

1) Is there a separate entity 'self', 'me' 'I', at all, anywhere, in any way, shape or form? Was there ever?

No separate self no- I - me. Clearly seen as thought construct. Never was but learned to help in navigating through this world of ours. Experiencing life in awareness as it is is all there is.

2) Explain in detail what the illusion of separate self is, when it starts and how it works from your own experience. Describe it fully as you see it now.

What I know separate self to be is just a bunch of conceptual labels that have been adopted in thoughts as to identify who “this” that is experiencing happenings to be. Sounds like a crazy person when put down on paper but it has to be explained somehow and this is the closest I can get without going into total nonsense..lol. I have no idea of when it all happened but my earliest memory is of being in a crib and hearing a lullaby.There was no understanding of it as I was too young to have learned to put labels words and object together, but remembered it when I was about 2 or 3 and it was no longer just sounds but words that I still didn’t understand but after some time did and it had to do with “my bonnie lies over the ocean”. to me at the time “my bonnie” was my little bear and the ocean I associated with what seems to be an island for some reason. This used to amuse me as I grew older as the story of the lullaby became clearer to me just by understanding the words. In the Awareness of just sound there was no me, Sharon, I ,whatever. I don’t even recall the feeling of my body or where exactly I was but it must have been the crib in my parents room. All I recall was a place in space. Interesting. When I got my first glimpse of the truth this was one of the first images that I recalled. Ha ha ha the joke was on “me” the construct the thought. How absurd and amusing. So simple and yet so illusive. I see it as a tool used to navigate and understand this physical world that we are a part of. Just wish there was some other way that we could raise our children without putting all this baggage on them but it is how we have evolved. Perhaps some never question so the seeking and thus the suffering isn’t so apparent.

It feels great like the so called “mystery” that has caused so much questioning has been revealed only to realize that it was really very obvious all along. “ Liberating “ would be an apt way to explain it. There is more clarity for me now Ilona from the beginning of this conversation with you. It was so clear to me then at first glimpse, but still doubt made me keep thinking ( should have guessed at that point when “thinking “ was employed so much, and thoughts were causing confusion and frustration. Damn egoic thoughts, lol.) that it was too simple and obvious and really what was all the fuss about if this was it??. Going through this exercise though and confirming the truth in awareness has cleared all that foggy negativity. I feel confident and alive. there is sadness happening but it is because of some attachment issues that have to be seen for what they are, Its all a process. Life is a “process”, one glorious experience that has to be lived come bad good or indifferent happenings. I was at an interview for my son the other day as he is going through some anxiety issues and I needed to get him some professional help. As the counselor was asking me about my son I realized that I was able to articulate my points of view and understanding of my sons experiences as he had related them to me and I had witnessed, in clarity. In the past I would have become defensive and emotional. This didn’t occur and there was a real sense of joy knowing that the negative attachment to his problems were no longer in my control. A surrendering of sorts. Yes there has been a lot of “Surrendering” in the past couple of days. Or perhaps the shedding of old believes would be a more accurate description.

4) What was the last bit that pushed you over, made you look?

For me the last bit that pushed me over was was not wanting to be in pain anymore. It was too much and I felt like I was at the end. Couldn’t face this suffering anymore. Been through it too many times and for what?? I knew I had had a glimpse of the truth but being unsure not confident (negative thinking) doubted it. When I let it be, it was clear as day sort of speak lol.

5) Can you talk about decision, intention, free will, choice and control? What makes things happen? How does it work? What are you responsible for? Give examples from experience.

Ahh Decision..Intention and free will. Just thoughts. Things happen .. they just do. But the “I” leaps in and claims it as “I did that ..I thought that...I made that happen” what a joke. That there is the cosmic joke. What is control and how can it be if it can’t be done by or to. My answer to that one is “shit happens..deal with it”. No attachments as there is no I me Sharon to claim it. Love this one. When shit happens though old habits still kick in initially. It takes a nono second for awareness to set in and the AHA to be felt. I hope this gets to be automatic in time but if not Oh well. Intentions are all well and good..or bad lol ..but are just thoughts also until acted upon, and there comes in free will. Which in truth is not free at all but conditioned thoughts. Through thoughts and self identifications we believe we are responsible for the world around us. That without me the world would somehow not be , that if I choose “a” instead of “b” the outcome will somehow be better or worse, but it will just be. No attachments to right or wrong no judgement. This one I had the hardest time accepting but as It went through the acid testing of inquiry I got it. Yet another AHA moment. I do tend to lose it from time to time but when I take a moment to be with it “the situation arising” in awareness it is seen as “choicelessness” again another word that may not be a word but I think you understand ha ha. My experience of this one could be seen in a revelation about what I first experienced in denial, that I was experiencing a reaction to alcohol. At first when it was pointed out to me I saw it as a label..which in essence it is but the fact remained that there was an issue here that needed to be dealt with. It didn’t nor doesn’t define who I am which is nothing anyhow so where did this fit into this new realization?? At first I “thought” this is just a label I have no attachment to it so it is not real. (smart ass) Wrong !! Thoughts of control set in but there is no such thing as control so now what?? Ego was desperate to be right lol. This issue was causing things to happen without my control. Yet another example of lack of control, and intention had been present as in “not to drink”. Great but not drinking didn’t change the fact that there was and is an issue to be dealt with. I had no “free will” this just was happening. It just was is and remains so in awareness. This can be applied to eating disorders and other so called human “conditions”. Things just happen it’s when we attach value to these happenings that the illusion of control free will and choice come into the play.

Is there anything else?? feeling content that I've answered as truthfully as possible ... so no thing left to add. If You have anything for me though fire away.

Thank you for your questions and pointing Ilona. And your patients too of course . This is so amazing.

Blessings and love,

Namaste.

Sharon.

Ilona I will be away for the weekend as I'm going to a Metta retreat. So if I don't reply during that time it's because I'm unable to. Namaste️


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Hi Ilona. Ready to continue when u are.

Love... Sharon

Hi Ilona,

Not sure when you are going to continue, I'm sure you're busy. However I would like to continue. There has been some settling in my life after my retreat. This was to be expected. Please let me know when you have the time.

In Metta,

Sharon <3

Hi Sharon,

Thank you for he answers, they sound clear ! :)
What is coming up after retreat? Let's talk about this here before I invite you to join the groups on Facebook.

Much love.