The Gate

Hi Again Xain!

... there are six questions I can ask you as part of this process which may highlight further areas - Are you ready for them?

Yes

Great!
I'll give you the first three of the six questions. They may bring up further things we can look at.
Have a look at them, and give the answers a go when you have a moment:

1) Is there a separate entity 'self', 'me' 'I', at all, anywhere, in any way, shape or form? Was there ever?

2) How does it feel to see this? What is the difference between 'now' and from before you started this dialogue? Perhaps give a report from the past few days.

3) Was there a last bit that pushed you over? Made you look and realise? Perhaps something I mentioned, or something that you looked into yourself?

Xain ♥

1) Is there a separate entity 'self', 'me' 'I', at all, anywhere, in any way, shape or form? Was there ever?

There is 'sense' of self, as there was before, but it is now seen to be just another thought in awareness. The idea that there is some crazy paradoxical duality of a separate self experiencing and controlling the world is now seen to be a complete illusion. Before this, the idea that there was no separate self was accepted on some intellectual level but this itself is now seen to be yet another 'idea' in consciousness. In bare awareness no separate self can be found. That's it!

2) How does it feel to see this? What is the difference between 'now' and from before you started this dialogue? Perhaps give a report from the past few days.

From one particular point of view nothing has changed. Seeing into the illusion of self is not like gaining anything at all - it's just a moment of pure seeing of WHAT is ACTUALLY here. That's where the difference lies, I think, with what was being searched for before. Before there was a nagging feeling that something was missing - in other words, there was a search for 'something' that would make sense, make a difference. What am 'I' missing here!?! HA HA. Now it is clearly seen that without LOOKING no philosophical system will suffice to fill that existential gap because there is no self and ... therefore no gap! There is just constant unfolding in ..... emptiness (If you'll allow me just one Buddhist cliche! ;) So what has changed? ... pure, raw, bare experience of the world is more accessible and less obscured by obsessive thoughts, thought patterns continue but the proverbial rug has been pulled out from under those obsessive thoughts that revolve around some 'self' doing something. There's less of a feeling of being 'stuck' and more of a sense of plain old curiosity! When sitting in meditation now it's less of a sense of "what must I achieve this time" and more of "let's see what happens!".

3) Was there a last bit that pushed you over? Made you look and realise? Perhaps something I mentioned, or something that you looked into yourself?

I think a clear thread for me was the one where we got into the idea of free will. That examination revealed a strong foothold that my sense of self has in this idea that 'I' am somehow a free agent in the world. Great cultural and religious conditioning here! The 'I' in the sentence - "I raised my right arm" was much stronger than "I heard a dog bark". 'I' at the very least, controls 'this' body!?! Without going deeply into this with you, I don't think that cherished belief would have been loosened and disclosed to be totally false! This perhaps catalysed a change in my usual meditation practice. Going back in our discussion I found this ...

There was at some point what can best be described as an 'opening out' into spacious consciousness ... and wup! ...there it was clear as the sky ... just sitting, occasional thoughts, just breathing, just sounds and a clear seeing that no 'I' is present.

In the light of this it is now clearly seen that any true practice clears the ground for recognition of SEEING when and if it happens. So much 'spiritual' BS is exactly the opposite isn't it? Adding to what is an already confused situation!

Great, David!
Here are the last three of the six questions.

4) Explain in detail what the illusion of separate self is, when it starts and how it works from your own experience. Describe it fully as you see it now. (Feel free to use conventional language here)

5) Describe decision, intention, free will, choice and control. What makes things happen? How does it work? What are you responsible for? Please give examples from experience if possible.

6) Do you have anything else you would like to say or add?

Xain ♥

4) Explain in detail what the illusion of separate self is, when it starts and how it works from your own experience. Describe it fully as you see it now. (Feel free to use conventional language here)

Presently the understanding is ... the 'separate self' illusion is primarily a language and cultural construct. When we take our first baby steps in the language department we learn to label 'objects' in the world. In the young mind 'I', 'me', 'you' quite naturally become objects too. Add to that some strong communal involvement by other 'people' who also share in this intrinsic belief in a 'separate self' and it becomes firmly entrenched. A paradoxical situation where a strong belief in separate self and a general self concept are actually derived from other 'people'. Somewhat akin, I suppose, to the belief in 'God' or the belief the Earth is flat or at the center of the universe. When shown clearly that the Earth revolves around the Sun, the illusion drops away. How can it be otherwise? Thoughts still arise ... "I am writing ... how am I doing? .... do I understand the questions?" ... oh look thinking is happening ... which is a thought .... which is a thought ... no investment required ;)

5) Describe decision, intention, free will, choice and control. What makes things happen? How does it work? What are you responsible for? Please give examples from experience if possible.

" ... decision, intention, free will, choice and control" are words, labels, concepts describing processes that are no more or less useful than the word 'tree' which describes the process of 'treeing'. "What makes things happen? How does it work?" could be useful questions in certain contexts but in the context of personal responsibility they no longer make sense. Responsibility by 'whom' exactly. Actions that cause pain arise as spontaneously as actions that case harm - no one to take ownership of either. There are consequences for actions of course but ... love is felt for my wife and children. No one required with no effort. My wife and I have a disagreement - a disagreement between two people? Nope, just a disagreement about perceptions of what is. Nothing wrong with that ;) ... point being ... NO ONE is required to keep the world going! ... :)

6) Do you have anything else you would like to say or add?

Thank you for listening Xain!

Hi Devindra

Thank you for your replies. Excellent.
The other guides are happy that you have realised 'no separate self' and so am I.
This guidance is at an end, although it does not signify an 'end' of anything really - There could be lots more things to examine.
If you would like, I can add you to our Facebook groups so you can chat with others who have realised this also, or add you to other groups for 'further looking' is that may interest you. If you are on Facebook and you would like this, please send me a private message with your facebook page like or name. I'll get you added.
(Send me a message by clicking the red name 'Xain' and choosing 'Send Private Message').

All the very best to you for the future and thank you for sticking with the process through to the end.
Xain ♥