Looking for a guide

[fallkar1]

Hi Rolly,

Here goes, it's going to be a long post.

1) No, there is no separate entity self in any way, shape or form. This person called "I" was a made-up image-like a mirage. Nothing to feel or touch. There never was.

2) The illusion of a separate self is the idea that a body-human form named "Kari" by two people called her "parents"
owns a set of memories, ideas, fantasies, stories, feelings and thoughts. This non-entity believes she owns things, people, believes she decides, controls actions and outcomes. This sounds so ridiculous as I'm typings this. It sounds downright insane! Oh, it gets even better-"She" believes in other "selves" too! A child self, a mommy self, a wife self, an ambitious self, and a creative self. No suprise there's alot of confusion.

This idea of self starts around two when we start to recognize our environment. We know we are called by a name by our family members. We start to identify our things as property, "my teddy bear" or "my mommy". This is re-enforced by our parents. "Don't touch MY vase!" "You'll break it", not it will get broken. We begin to believe people own things, and we cause things to happen. We don't learn to question these things, most often we're taught NOT to question these things or really anything we're told by adults.

3) As I see it now, I see how I was so caught up in all of "it". There was no questioning all of the ideas of "me" After I did "the Forum" that definitely brought up the idea that there is no "self" we humans are just "meaning making machines" so it introduced the idea intellectually, but more in a confrontational way. It made me start questioning how concepts become "facts", and openned me up to the idea of "trying things on" in an idealogical sort of way. That was 20+ years ago, but direct pointing wasn't involved in a one-on-one experience. You know, I never had this attachment to "things" or places or even sometimes friends. I always thought I was weird, because people I know would get upset if they moved to a new place, or left people behind. I never felt sadness in starting over. I never felt this deep sense of attatchment like I thought other people felt. Probably just another story too!

After I read "I am" it started. I just felt I "knew" there was something I wasn't seeing, but I was afraid to let go and look. Then I read Gateless Gatecrashers and I knew I needed to look deeper, to investigate for myself. I accepted it intellectually, but I didn't see it for real. I was afraid if I just let go my life would fall apart-the opposite happenned!
There was nothing to let go because holding on to "nothing" is impossible in the first place. Whew! No "holder"
Its' like driving. When you are driving down a windy road, full of fear, hands with a death-grip on the steering wheel, terrified to just let your reactions do their thing, at the end you're exhausted. That's how living was for me before-white-knuckling it all the way never realizing there was no steering wheel and no one steering!

4) What put me over was when I was in the kitchen making lunch and I realized there was no "i" doing anything. I felt literally like a robot. Just doing, nobody doing anything. I was like "WHOA"! That felt really strange at first, then amusing- I cracked up- I thought "and I used to think I "did" all of that! Then I realized if there isn't anybody doing anything now, how could there ever have been?

5) Decisions, free will, choice are just concepts, ideas of how humans try to explain things that happen in their experience. Humans need to explain why or how. The "mind" doesn't understand "things just happenning".

How can someone who doesn't exist be responsible for things. It's not about being "responsible for looking" because now I can't NOT look anymore. I've seen that there is no I, no me, no self-I can't un-see it. I can't look at anything the same way EVER! I tried yesterday when watching the news (stories made up called news)-see what I mean. I couldn't help seeing that these were just someone else's story and I couldn't accept it as FACT. Entirely new experience.

I know this is only the beginning. Let me know if you have any questions.

Thank you so much,

Kari

[JimmyG]

Wonderful, Kari!

I will now ask the other guides to read this and see if they have any questions. This may take a while so please be patient.

Warm Regards
Rolly

[JimmyG]

Hey Kari

Three other guides have already read our dialogue and found the summing-up questions very clear.
I will send you a private message about what comes next, check your inbox!

It's been a real pleasure to work with you.

Warm wishes
Rolly