Not that I can find or have found at all in our time together. Was there ever - well no...only the illusion of a separate self in the form of narratives and stories.1) Is there a separate entity 'self', 'me' 'I', at all, anywhere, in any way, shape or form? Was there ever?
The illusion is in believing the thoughts and stories that arise in my awareness are me. A thought arises and I believe there is an independently existing entity that generated or owns the thought...it is me. There is a sense of there being a Joel that exists somewhere in my body - in my brain that is the locus of the self. That sense of Joel has been around for as long as I can remember.2) Explain in detail what the illusion of separate self is, when it starts and how it works from your own experience. Describe it fully as you see it now.
I'm kind of amazed by how obvious it is once it is seen to be an illusion. There is now a confidence in the experience of seeing the self as an illusion, something seems unshakable about it. Yesterday I was in a class all day and the experience of no-self didn't leave me all day. It is here today too. I feel a relief and a certain tightness and grasping has fallen away. The tightness feels connected to trying to get something or maintain something. I'm curious to see what will come over the following days.3) How does it feel to see this? What is the difference from before you started this dialogue? Please report from the past few days.
Your message where you challenged some of my beliefs around what it would be like to see through the illusion of the self. Challenging the belief that seeing it means that it must be seen all the time and a thought can never be identified with again. Hearing that, something relaxed inside of me and confidence grew.4) What was the last bit that pushed you over, made you look?
I can't find anything independently existing that is responsible for generating decisions. Preferences and choices are still made but they seem to arise and happen. Seeing this I've been more relaxed and in more of a state of flow. That doesn't mean I won't work hard or have goals - but that there isn't an 'I' that I can see that owns or generates them. Like right now 'I' want to head out into town with my girlfriend. That desire is there but there is ease around it. Something seems much more organic about this, like it's just happening, and it's humbling too. So I would say it's somewhat of a mystery to me. I could say it's god or the divine that moves me - but I don't really know.5) Describe decision, intention, free will, choice and control. What makes things happen? How does it work? What are you responsible for? Give examples from experience.
No - other than I'm really curious about the coming days ahead. And excited too....especially around the sense that life is living me rather then the other way around.6) Anything to add?
warm wishes!
