Looking for a Guide

[s-p-a-c-e]

Hi Scott,

The exploration continues. Yesterday I focused on emotions that came up for whatever reasons. I continued today with that in mind. Without mental choice I began to notice touch, taste, sight, etc. the senses. They are just senses, like feelings.. The question of what am I, then sometimes emerges. I don't know. This is the unknowing .

Not-knowing is really a not-needing-to-know in the way mind knows/labels/assigns.
There is inherent knowing, and that knowing is its own reward. :)

The jitters have slowed up considerably, blood pressure still elevated but coming down. This has happened to me before in some spiritual practices. It's is like a "Kundalini" energy within me gets rattled & starts bouncing around. At least that 's how it feels. The energy is settling down quicker than usual which is appreciated. It has crossed my thoughts if I'm not real, how can my body respond this way ?

You are most definitely real!

Are the blood pressure readings real? I'm not doubting . Just wondering. Suddenly over this week a wonderful world has revealed it's self & wonderment fills perceived self.

Good. :) Just enjoy the natural expression of life - of doing and seeing and walking and talking.

Each time "Scott" is felt, look directly at the feeling, and feel the feeling AS a feeling. To make this explicit you might even say, "I've been calling this feeling Scott - isn't it just a feeling?"

Information to help our journey. I can be somewhat ADD " my diagnosis" sometimes. So the explicit part really clarified the first part. It just seems sometimes words are tricky & confusing. The direct explicit usually downloads just fine :). Let's keep me rolling along.

Cool. Nice and easy. Step after step. Life is good, and you are life, basic goodness.

Great stuff.

Catch up tomorrow,
John

[Jivaro]

Thanks a lot John. Looking forward for more. I still have a vibration that I'm aware of but much smoother & easier. BP back down to where it normally is. Ready for some more insights.
Thank You
Scott

[s-p-a-c-e]

Hi Scott,

Thanks a lot John. Looking forward for more. I still have a vibration that I'm aware of but much smoother & easier. BP back down to where it normally is. Ready for some more insights.
Thank You
Scott

Look at the hands. Who's hands are they?

For the next 5/10 minutes, notice them go about their work.

Without a you to your name :), where do you stop and the world begin?

Without a you, who is in control?

Thank you,
John

[Jivaro]

Look at the hands. Who's hands are they?

The hands on the end of the arms are just that hands.

Without a you to your name :), where do you stop and the world begin?

I am just a very small part of the world, if that is even true. So if a part of the world, the cosmos, the universe, there is no separation. Nothing really stops or starts anywhere.

Without a you, who is in control

Control must be an illusion of sorts. There are desires, hopes, etc. that I have tried to satisfy. Sometimes they are fulfilled sometimes not. The energy I used to extend towards them usually had small out come, looking back. A previous teacher explained to me that really everything, including us, are just part of an explosion. An ongoing explosion. Because of our lack of understanding time, we think it happened. But truly it's still happening. I am part of that explosion. So obviously nothing is in control. Nothing at all. No one at all.

Namaste
Scott

[s-p-a-c-e]

Hi Scott,

Could you respond with whatever shows up to the following questions. They are helpful for us both to see if there's anywhere else to explore/clear up.

1) Is there a separate entity 'self', 'me' 'I', at all, anywhere, in any way, shape or form? Was there ever?

2) Explain in detail what the illusion of separate self is, when it starts and how it works from your own experience. Describe it fully as you see it now.

3) How does it feel to see this? What is the difference from before you started this dialogue? Please report from the past few days.

4) What was the last bit that pushed you over, made you look?

5) Describe decision, intention, free will, choice and control. What makes things happen? How does it work? What are you responsible for? Give examples from experience.

6) Anything to add?

With kind thanks,
John

[Jivaro]

This will be this evenings work. Don't know if one night will do it. On reread no way. I'm sure there is awareness on this. #5 could be pretty lengthy. I'll have to absorb it more. If it takes more than a day should I keeping giving you daily posts? It looks that there are 3 to 4 lengthy inquiries for me. Could I reply as they are written over several days or are they needed all at once? Let me know!
Thank You So Much
Scott

[s-p-a-c-e]

Hi Scott,

This will be this evenings work. Don't know if one night will do it. On reread no way. I'm sure there is awareness on this. #5 could be pretty lengthy. I'll have to absorb it more. If it takes more than a day should I keeping giving you daily posts? It looks that there are 3 to 4 lengthy inquiries for me. Could I reply as they are written over several days or are they needed all at once? Let me know!
Thank You So Much
Scott

How about we do one or two at a time, whichever feels right.

:)

Thank you,
John

[Jivaro]

Is there a separate entity 'self', 'me' 'I', at all, anywhere, in any way, shape or form? Was there ever?

No there is not. There is no "I, no self at all. As writing I'm 80% sure. I know it's the logical truth. This has been less than a two week enquiry. It's not true doubt but a lingering feeling that appears when challenged with the fact. Accepting it in daily life with out much thought happens easily. It does feel great but when asked to say 100%. There's a feeling in me that wants to not accept but only when confronted with the fact. Interesting. It's as if I can believe & follow but certainly not ready to be a missionary.

Explain in detail what the illusion of separate self is, when it starts and how it works from your own experience. Describe it fully as you see it now.

The illusion of separate thought. Is the " knowledge" placed upon us as to what a person is supposed to be. It starts at an early age usually 3 or so. I've read this that's why it is stated. It's interesting though once years ago in therapy they asked how far back can I remember. We moved homes when I was 3.5 years old I remember moving most definitely with some minor memories prior. Interesting to me How people should be in this world. The illusion is cast by ones self as well as others. Their wants, desires, etc. for themselves. It's their attachment to non existent things. Money, pleasure, Holiness, being right & righteous on & on are things a person can attach themselves to & start to identify themselves as. I'm good or bad are just self judgments. One could call it the ego. Separate thought has separated me from my true self. It is obvious to me now. I'm not nearly all the things I thought I was. Now, I know my actions are me. Not in the past but now.
I'll finish 3 & 4 tomorrow. Always open guidance along the way.
Thank You
Scott

[s-p-a-c-e]

Hi Scott,

Is there a separate entity 'self', 'me' 'I', at all, anywhere, in any way, shape or form? Was there ever?

No there is not. There is no "I, no self at all. As writing I'm 80% sure. I know it's the logical truth. This has been less than a two week enquiry. It's not true doubt but a lingering feeling that appears when challenged with the fact. Accepting it in daily life with out much thought happens easily. It does feel great but when asked to say 100%. There's a feeling in me that wants to not accept but only when confronted with the fact. Interesting. It's as if I can believe & follow but certainly not ready to be a missionary.

Thanks for the honest responses. Made me laugh your point about being a missionary. :D

Have a good look at who is holding on to that last 20%. :)

Also, this is not a question of belief. When there is any pocket of sense of self, we go and see directly, feel the sensation AS a sensation - and question the calling of the sensation "me".

Who you are is something that cannot be put into words. What we're pointing to here is who you are not :) - which is an idea of a person called "Scott".

Let's work with this first, before the other questions.

Thank you,
John

[Jivaro]

Also, this is not a question of belief. When there is any pocket of sense of self, we go and see directly, feel the sensation AS a sensation - and question the calling of the sensation "me".

Went to yoga this morning w/ all this on mind. Stretching, feeling the body, looking around. It was not "Scott" doing any of this. It was a body stretching & relaxing. A thought came to me & it's in your quote. Last night I was talking about what I believe. Beliefs are that. Beliefs. I "know" this is not "Scott" any more. Never has been. It was areal realization for me. The differences of the words believe & know. To me I believe is a theory. Knowing is much better than believing. Face it there are very many people in this world that believe something, few know. I've known all along & today I truly accepted it. I know one truth about this body, mind of mine. it is not "Scott"

Who you are is something that cannot be put into words. What we're pointing to here is who you are not :) - which is an idea of a person called "Scott".

On the drive back from yoga, I had truly accepted the fact I'm not "Scott" but of course the next question that came into my mind was " Who am I then. Just a curious thought. I was at a traffic signal waiting for the light to turn green. I look at the car license plate ahead of me, it's a personalized plate, that says " IAMNOW"
I like synchronicities like that. Doesn't matter who I am. I am now that 's all. All I've ever been all I'll ever be. Very Peaceful Experience. To day I'm full of compassion for all humans. All that have stumbled me. Those that create wars, poverty, etc. I have compassion for them. Truly. Just now, be compassionate to those who are struggling.
Very nice experience.

Thank You
Scott

[s-p-a-c-e]

Hi Scott,

Really enjoyed reading your post, thank you. Also loved the car license plate! :)

Can you see what shows up with the next two questions:

3) How does it feel to see this? What is the difference from before you started this dialogue? Please report from the past few days.

4) What was the last bit that pushed you over, made you look?

With kind thanks,
John

[Jivaro]

How does it feel to see this? What is the difference from before you started this dialogue? Please report from the past few days

It feels lighter, everything born anew around me. I see things that are not new yet another look is enjoyed. It seems different yet I know it's me who has changed. I'm more attuned to all my senses. With so much of the mind chatter gone I can appreciate so much better what is around me. I went grocery shopping this morning. It was crowded, not the store I'm most used to, what once aggravated " Scott" did not in the store. To many people, can't seem to find the items, back in forth in the store. No problem, no worry. It was actually enjoyable. Pushing my cart. Observing. Being, just being. In & out with no grumbling in the mind like there could be in the past. Driving home I was enjoying the "new" view but I could tell something was different. Suddenly a realization. My body is driving a car, without thought. Doing everything right and I was there to. Just observing, enjoying. There have been incredible changes in my perspective of this world. Much happier, compassionate, aware. The list could go on & on & does . Yesterday I had an interview with a person at a coffee shop. I'm able to articulate what I mean when talking. I could listen & retain much better. No monkey mind or over analysis. When a negative emotion comes up I'm able to notice it as a emotion that is staring to affect me. I stop, notice, let it pass by/through then return to my new natural state. I'm very impressed.

What was the last bit that pushed you over, made you look?

Not for sure for me. It does seem like each day adds to the next very naturally. If I had to pick. I'm very visual & experiential in learning. The tree to observe, let the light come to me, pass through me, become the light & disappear with the tree over & over. That experience was a real hit to the mind. I knew right then there was no doubt I was onto something. This also, I think, what startled me so. What rose up my anxiety, blood pressure, caused the vibration. All is settled down for now. A great sense of at peace is growing within.

Live in the Light
Scott

[s-p-a-c-e]

Hi Scott,

A real joy to read :) Thank you.

Last couple to share about:

5) Describe decision, intention, free will, choice and control. What makes things happen? How does it work? What are you responsible for? Give examples from experience.

6) Anything to add?

With kind thanks,
John

[Jivaro]

Describe decision, intention, free will, choice and control.

I've struggled with this. Thinking of how to describe each. I'd start to get lost into the intellect. I thought thru the evening doing house chores, painting when a thought came. Perhaps there is to much effort here. Looking at the common factors here. they are all illusions. the only decision I can make is to allow life to happen. The only intention I have is to allow the unfolding of life as it comes. My only free will is to allow. My only choice is to allow & observe. Obviously there is no control. That's is one of the beauties of this practice. There is no control. To allow life to unfold before me & observe. referring back to license plate story. I asked in thought who am I then? I look up and a license plate told me. There was not a decision or a quick intention to pursue the thought. I looked up & observed. Very simple.

What makes things happen? How does it work?

Happening makes things happen. The flow of energy that runs through all things. Some call it the river. A mix of known science & mysticism makes things happen. The sun comes up & goes down because it does. The atoms/ molecules vibrating away may make things happen. What is truly going on. What seems to be apparent to me are things are happening on their own. Looking back on my life it seems really amusing. The control of my life has not been mine. I used to tell people that my life seems like a book. A series of chapters. Stories with in a story. Now the realization it's not chapters but nearly short images before me that I create a story around to make it seem real.

What are you responsible for?

I am responsible for myself by allowing life to appear before me. My only responsibility is to stay in this state of awareness.

Anything to add?

There is so much to add yet there are few words to really clarify what is happening to me. My life has had it's most spiritual experience in two weeks. A paradigm shift of great magnitude. I'm not what I thought I was. My thoughts have been my main stumbling blocks in life. My judgments on how things are supposed to be. All an illusion. Such peace!!!!!

Thank You
Scott

[s-p-a-c-e]

Thank you Scott! Going to let the other guides have a look - they may find new areas to explore. WIll be back shortly. :)

WIth kind thanks,
John