The Gate

Dear Ruby,

Thank you for your answers... Really wonderful to read! Well done, such good looking even in the midst of being so unwell!

I feel there has been a shift – during sleeping and waking, when awake I have Looked, when I have remembered. I fell into a brief dream – there was a part bench, in the park, a sense of aliveness, presence, even focus, but no-one was sitting there, the bench was empty – nor did it feel that the bench was an entity/self either. Expectations have dropped away and I feel freer.

Great to hear you feel a shift... And your dream speaks clearly!

So...

So, can you say, that yes, it is clear that I is imagined, that there is no separation and separate self is an illusion? If no, what is it that still needs to be looked at?

With love, Carrie x

Dear Carrie. I have continued to feel that freedom today. I am going to let that experience be, unfold, and see, over the next day, if any questions arise, or areas of unclarity.

My present experience is that the I is imagined, illusory, and any notion of a separate is a thought, is an illusion.

Will write more tomorrow. Thank you for your encouragement, and keeping me 'on track'. It is so interesting to have a conversation like this, which only points to experience and doesn't get into the why's and wherefores.

Much love, Ruby

Hello Ruby,

Good to hear the feeling of freedom is still there....

"My present experience is that the I is imagined, illusory, and any notion of a separate is a thought, is an illusion."

Wonderful!!

I look forward to hearing more from you.

C xx


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Hi, Carrie, sorry have had a rough day. Managed to get to the doctor, nothing serious, bad virus, rest and fluids etc.
Sorry not to have kept up our agreement. I am hoping to write tomorrow, best wishes, Ruby

Dear Ruby,

That's really ok. Most important is you get well. Thanks for letting me know. Rest up and recover. I look forward to hearing from you when you're ready.

Love, Carrie xx

Hi Carrie, feeling a bit better today. Just a bad virus, according to Doc.

I can say that yes, it is clear that 'I' is imagined, that there is no separation and that a separate self is an illusion. So YES, it feels very clear. A shift happened around the time of the dream. I was trying too hard in some way, and experienced the tsunami of thought and expectation which I looked into. Then I got ill and relaxed. The shift felt subtle but clear, more like waking up to a Lumie light, one of those that enacts a natural dawn, rather than to a loud alarm clock. Very gentle and subtle but completely clear! And accompanied with feelings of freedom, joy and lightness.

I hope that you are very well. I so appreciate your support and encouragement and the focus on experience and the pointed questions. Thank you,

Hello Ruby,

That's wonderful that this is clear!

I'm afraid the work's not over yet though! :-)

There are a series of questions to clarify and integrate the process... Please take your time and answer from your here and now experience...

1) Is there a separate entity 'self', 'me' 'I', at all, anywhere, in any way, shape or form? Was there ever?

2) Explain in detail what the illusion of separate self is, when it starts and how it works from your own experience.
Describe it fully as you seeit now.

3) How does it feel to see this? What is the difference from before you started this dialogue? Please report from the past few days.

4) What was the last bit that pushed you over, made you look?

5) Describe decision, intention, free will, choice and control. What makes things happen? How
does it work? What are you responsible for? Give examples from experience.

6) Anything to add?

Much love, C xx

Hi, Carrie, Ok thanks will consider the questions and get back to you tomorrow. Take care, Ruby

Hi, Carrie, i hope all is well with you. I am feeling a bit better day by day. Here are my answers to your questions.

1) Is there a separate entity 'self', 'me' 'I', at all, anywhere, in any way, shape or form? Was there ever?

No, that is very, very clear,

2) Explain in detail what the illusion of separate self is, when it starts and how it works from your own experience.
Describe it fully as you see it now.

Direct experience is sensations, hearing, seeing, touching, tasting, smelling, feeling and thinking. Thoughts arise all the time. Labelling happens very, very quickly, - things, feelings, sensations, experiences are labelled and then separated from the flow. Habit and language support this. From direct experience to – 'I' have a pain, for example, happens very quickly. 'I' and 'me'. 'mine', go together – while labelling is useful in daily life, if 'I' take it as real, then 'I' believe in an 'I' who has, owns, chooses, experience, and the illusory self arises in that moment.

3) How does it feel to see this? What is the difference from before you started this dialogue? Please report from the past few days.

I began the dialogue with my response to the first question one of excitement and fear. I Also experienced, a few days in, what I called a tsunami of thought, made up of fixation, expectation, doubt, fear, and frustration. With help from my guide I looked into these thoughts, and saw them as only thoughts. I was also a bit ill, so surrendering to that, I relaxed. Seeing through the illusion of a separate self, I feel relaxed, open, joyful, a sense of freedom, in a gentle way.


4) What was the last bit that pushed you over, made you look?

Being guided to Look into those expectations above. Then everything relaxed, and I had an expressive dream. In my expectations, I was looking for something dramatic to happen. In experience, there was a gentle shift, more like waking up with one of those Lumie lights that re-enact the dawn, rather than by a big alarm clock!

5) Describe decision, intention, free will, choice and control. What makes things happen? How does it work? What are you responsible for? Give examples from experience.

The common factor will all these, which are similar, is that we habitually think, from the viewpoint of a separate 'I' arising from habit, language, thought, labelling etc, that 'I' choose, decide, control, intend, something, some action. I say, all the time, 'I' decided to do X. 'I' prefer Y. 'I' am going to do so and so. All this is predicated upon this sense of a separate 'I'/'me'/'mine'/'self' which thinks it owns and controls experience, choosing etc. But in experience, things happen, there is a continuous flow of sensations, feelings, thoughts, including thoughts of 'I must go and post that letter.' And at some point I do, though not necessarily immediately the thought arises, which is kind of mysterious. Someone asked me to post a letter. I agreed. It sits on my desk, the thought 'I must post that letter' arises, later, next day, I pick up the letter and post it. There is no 'I' entity making this decision. Actions happen, and very quickly I say to myself, I decided to post that letter.

In my experience, especially having been ill for a few days, and looking into actions and how they happen, I can see that although it seems that 'I' decided to get out of bed at some point – actually I just find myself out of bed, and then infer that 'I' consciously decided to do it. Seeing clearly that there is no 'I' entity, anywhere, and never has been, no-one makes decisions or chooses. So 'I' am not responsible for anything, since 'I' as a separate entity is illusory. Responsiveness happens.

6) Anything to add? -

Can't think of anything, except to say how helpful this has been – being guided and pointed back to direct experience, with very apposite and direct questions. Thanks.

Dear Ruby,

Thank you for your wonderful clear answers! I am so pleased for you!

I will now ask the other guides to look at our dialogue and see if there are any further questions for anything that might need clarifying.

With love, Carrie x x

Hello Ruby,

Well done! There are no further questions for you... So, this is the end of our dialogue here...

It has been such a pleasure to have this conversation with you... And I wish you all the very best with whatever comes next.

You will be invited to join LU Facebook forums; if you would be happy to give me your Facebook ID I can pass that on for you?

So, good bye for now dear Ruby...

With very much love, Carrie x x x

Hi, oh great, thanks for all your help. I hope that you are and continue to be well. I am not on facebook, and will be fine. Again thank you so much. Much love, Ruby xxxx

Hi Ruby,

Ok, no problem about Facebook. If you ever want to be in touch you can always send me a personal message through this forum.

It's been a pleasure..

C x x x