Looking for Smudge to guide me

[smudge]

So let's look deeper at choice in DE. . Think of a number between 1&10......

How did that number appear?




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[auntieD]

7, its my lucky number...
no idea how it appeared, it was just there...

[auntieD]

think of a number between 1 and 50 - 34.
its just there so quickly, and its not even my lucky 2-digit number (i don't have one)

[auntieD]

before i've even asked the question the number is there, visually, up to the right... 'seen by my mind's eye'.

[auntieD]

i added the bit in about 'the minds eye'!
not DE...

[smudge]

Well done, I was going to ask ;-) but...did YOU add it in and if not what happened?

remember a big decision you have made, could it have been any different given those exact circumstances at that time?

[auntieD]

what happened, and seems to happen a lot, is 'explaining'. there's curiosity, then come some kind of thought that describes what's happened in terms of a 'me'. then a moment later it seems so unnecessary. various 'me' creating thoughts are popping up all the time.

answer - no, not in those exact circumstances.
though, change one condition and maybe.

[smudge]

Say more with a specific example.


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[lucid365]

Hi,how do I start a post?

[auntieD]

so thinking of the decision to move to sweden, the way it seems to work is that the decision just made itself, then following that was a process of 'deciding', thinking it through, weighing up the pros and cons, talking it through, even though the decision was made. maybe in that process i could have made a new decision, or a new decision could have made itself.
i'm not sure what a decision is. it seems like it is how you describe, what's happening, or what you are doing.

sometimes a thought occurs, maybe an image, of doing something. following that i find myself talking about it, maybe i write an email, more thoughts occur, more actions happen.
another time a thought occurs, or an image. then it goes (as it did the first time) this time i don't talk about it, no actions follow.
but i can't find in my experience the 'decision making'.
i don't if there are decisions, there are thoughts and actions, maybe thoughts + actions = decisions?

[auntieD]

thinking about really big decisions, they've often involved other people and discussion and coming to agreement so its hard to see clearly how things 'come about'.

but thinking more simply about a recent decision to just go on Facebook once a day. there was a recurring thought, 'fb takes up too much time, maybe i should just do it once a day'... then at some point i started just looking on fb once a day. a notification comes up, but i don't look. when did i make the decision? i don't know.
if there are 'decisions' I must be making them all the time, like 100 per minute :-)

[smudge]

Keep looking. How do things happen, like turning left rather that right or choosing coffee over tea. Do YOU do anything? Especially as we have seen YOU are a main character in a story, in thoughts, just a thought. Can a fictional thought character DO anything?


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[auntieD]

I keep looking!
stuff just happens. It's not like its predestined, anything could happen, then something happens. but nobody is there doing anything to make anything happen.

even if i say, 'I'm going to lift my arm'
then i lift my arm
its just a thought followed by an action, no body doing anything.

it could go like this -
'I'm going to lift my arm' followed by hopping down the street.

Can a fictional thought character DO anything?

it can say 'I'm going to do blah blah'
it can say 'i decided to do blah blah blah'
it can say 'i did blah'
but it can't do anything

[smudge]

it could go like this

It could, but thats just a story (all be it a correct one)
How actually does it go?

Notice that you can't do anything other than what happens. Try. See how those patterns occur. Try to do something other than what happens. It is preposterous, but when you try it, there are patterns that arise, patterns of illusion, patterns of pretending, patterns that if you start to look at them you will see are ludicrous, laughable, like a kid's fantasies, and yet that is how you believe you are controlling things, so try again and again to do something other than what occurs and watch those patterns of confusion and pretending to be in control that arise.

Look forward to hearing a full report back on choosing in DE x

[auntieD]

okay.
so there's the thought 'do something different from what's happening', then there is a sense something trying to split off, or drawing back, or gathering up... away from what's happening in order to then intervene in what's happening, but then it is futile as there is no space and no gaps to break into what's happening and whatever 'I' do is just what's happening not something different.
with it is a sort of nausea and a sort of vertigo feeling! its not pleasant.

i don't really have a sense of pretending. more the sense of trying to find the break in the flow, and not being able to. as well as trying to get out of the flow, or get part of 'me' out of the flow, in order to come in with something different. i couldn't do that either.
is that a full enough report?