My Story. Looking for a guide...

[Fabíola]

So, from what you said:

Fear is felt as emotions, anxiety, stress and discomfort, and it serves the purpose of protect your self image. When thought is linked to these body sensations, a story starts to build up telling you that you must control, you must show everybody that you are respected and successful. And when that story is being repeated you feel more stress and discomfort.

So I ask you:

Is that fear being effective in protecting you?

More:

And, if there is nothing there to be protected and your fear is also your torturer?

Can you see it? Can you see all this mechanism behind your fear? So much struggle for nothing, only to keep suffering and being anxious and in discomfort?

[NoKevin]

Yes I see that the fear is not helpful. It is destructive and does keep these negative emotions coming up. I am sorry for the late response but I was at a wedding yesterday. I will respond in detail tomorrow.

Kind Regards...

[Fabíola]

And every time emotions came up, you feel more stuck and with even more necessity to control... And every time you act in order to control, you see that this control isn't controlling nothing, you feel more fear, emotions came up, and... and so, and so, and so! The vicious cycle restarts again and again.

When you are anxious you have less capacity and energy to see things as they are, you feel compelled to act promptly, accurately and effectively, but everything that happens is a frustrated attempt to defend something - your self image - which only exists as a thought in your mind.

Haven't you ever notice that when any solutions for a problem are being found, that is because the problem is being placed the wrong way?

So, what I am showing you is how the unanswerable question that has been consuming your life is not correct. You keep searching how to be a controller, seeing that this controller never existed. You can now see that there is no one to control, you can understand how this all thing works, the illusion of a self, of a self which is in control.

So, is there a self that controls, Kevin?

No problem, I hope you have a nice wedding party! See this quietly. We will continue tomorrow.

[NoKevin]

I am still having problems with this having no self being able to control. If I am visiting my girlfriend she is busy doing things and I end up sitting like a lap dog doing whatever she asks me to. By doing this I am taken advantage of and she starts to view my as weak and needy. This is a problem as I can control this by making myself distant or busy when she seems disinterested. And as soon as I am not the lapdog she is used to she starts looking for attention from me and dedicating more time because she fears losing me. I feel like I am still able to control certain things. I can choose to lift my arm in the air or not to at any moment. I honestly dont see that I have no control. Perhaps I dont control my thoughts or breathing. But I can elect to do certain things.

[NoKevin]

I have been trying to not control things and I seem to be so lethargic and useless lately. I am not fun to be around and people start getting bored and unhappy around me. I honestly dont know whats going on. This is all so confusing and its causing unhappiness for me. I think I am really confused around this whole thing and I dont really feel like im seeing things as I should be.

[Fabíola]

Hi Kevin!

Do not make efforts trying not to control. By doing that, you are trying to control 'the controller', do you see? Just observe when the need to control arises, observed what is happening in that precise moment. E gentle with yourself. If you start to observe the arising of the urge to control, you will be no longer blinded attached to that urge, and you would feel relaxed, not lethargic.

[NoKevin]

That does make things seem a little easier. I have a question. Even though consciousness or experience exists, it is experienced through senses. If there is only one consciousness then is it also experienced through other entities? Like my family? Is it all one consciousness that simply is?

[Fabíola]

Dear Kevin,

Maybe you can get answers to your questions elsewhere, maybe in a psychotherapy. I am not able to work with you anymore.

Wishing you all the best.

[Josephkoudelka]

Hi Kevin. Joseph here. I am available to pick up where Fabiola left off in this thread with you. I do need to advise you that our styles are very different and that I adhere to the guidelines and rules that you kind of acknowledged before. Here at LU, I guide and point, you look. I am not here to answer questions. I do occasionally, if I believe it helpful toward recognizing that there is no self and never has been. For the most part though, I do the driving and you look if you are ready and willing. There are other forums available on the internet where you can go for a Q and A about self vs. no self.

Please review the guidelines and rules that Fabiola provided at the beginning of this thread and acknowledge you have read and understand them if you would like to continue with me as your guide.

Joseph ♥︎

[NoKevin]

Hi Joseph

Thanks. I am sorry if perhaps I upset Fabiola but telling me to get answers from I psychotherapist was a little insulting. Anyway I am really pleased to have you helping me. I had a few problems understanding some of what Fabiola said because of the language barrier. Where do you think we should go from here?

Regards,

[Josephkoudelka]

Please review the guidelines and rules that Fabiola provided at the beginning of this thread and acknowledge you have read and understand them if you would like to continue with me as your guide.

[NoKevin]

I have read and understand them. I will do my best to post once a day. However if I am away from my pc I wont be able to as ive tried responding from my mobile and the posts dont work. Shall I refrain from asking questions going forward? I have read quite a lot about awakening and I'm not certain my understanding is completely accurate. However I am aware that this is about you steering me in the right direction and am happy to find my answers elsewhere if it wont be part of our process.

Thanks.

[Josephkoudelka]

Hi Kevin.

I'd like us to focus on looking for a self. If it is real, it should be findable. Just because a thought says it is so, does not make it real. All it is is a thought. The whole of illusion of a self is held together by thought alone. It is never findable in direct experience of this moment as it is.

If you have a question because you do not understand what I am asking you to do, ask. However, general questions of a philosophical nature should be dropped. Regarding reading other material, as it state in the guidelines, we want you to refrain from reading other "enlightenment" literature for the duration of this investigation. I make an exception for two books only, you may read "Gateless Gatecrashers" available at this link through our website - http://liberationunleashed.com/wp-conte ... ashers.pdf and I also recommend "Presence: The Art of Peace and Happiness" by Rupert Spira. It is available at Amazon.com as either a book or kindle edition.

Outside of these two, anything else could be claiming anything. I don't have time to refute or corroborate the truth of what someone else has said. This isn't a philosophical discussion about the truth. As I stated previously, there are plenty of other online venues for that.

If you resonate with our message here at LU, and want to see what we are pointing to, then you are in the right place.

Are we in agreement?

Joseph ♥︎

[NoKevin]

We are. I will get started on those books tomorrow. I havent been reading anything on enlightenment since I started with Fabiola. The only self I can find is this so called thought of me being the one who experiences sense perception. Touching, seeing, thinking, smelling, tasting and hearing. I am finding it very difficult to see things in a nondual way without an observer and an observed. I understand logically that there is no self. Reality still comes from this thought that is considered me.

[Josephkoudelka]

We are.

Great!

Can you find a candidate for a self anywhere, without it depending on a thought labeling it so?