1) Is there a separate entity 'self', 'me' 'I', at all, anywhere, in any way, shape or form? Was there ever?
No. Not at all. There never was. It was always an illusion, a thought. There never was, is or could ever be a self.
2) Explain in detail what the illusion of separate self is, when it starts and how it works from your own experience. Describe it fully as you see it now.
If I had to speculate, I’d say the “I” thought is just a tool for the organism to assist its survival. It seems just to be a thought-based ordering mechanism for classifying and ordering experience, which is then reinforced with emotion to motivate the organism to act in particular ways. Of course, none of this guarantees that the organism will actually be adaptive. But it's not some sort of terrible thing that needs to be overcome, just seen through, and then it can function automatically without the illusion of being real.
3) How does it feel to see this? What is the difference from before you started this dialogue? Please report from the past few days.
It feels like a big relief. At the beginning of the dialogue, I thought I was going to have to fight some epic battle. I was afraid and sad for what I’d have to leave behind. But there turned out to be nothing to battle, and nothing to leave behind. There’s just the continued emergence of life with no one in the driver’s seat. This body is unoccupied. Other bodies are unoccupied. There’s no one home.
4) What was the last bit that pushed you over, made you look?
It was finally realizing that there didn’t have to be destruction of the “I”, only see clearly that it never existed. There was this stupid illusion that the whole “I” thought had to be gone somehow, and all these unrealistic scenarios running around in thought. The change came with realizing that nothing really changes, and that I was just trying to see what’s always been there. There was this misconception that to get through the “self” illusion, there would have to be total isolation, resistance to all relationships, love, etc. But that was just the fear talking, trying to keep the illusion together. Now it’s clear that all of those things go on--life goes on. It just goes on without the illusion of self.
5) Do you decide, intend, choose, control events in Life? Do you make anything happen? Give examples from your experience.
Nope. Not at all. There’s no one to choose or intend. Things just happen. And since there’s no real difference between “me” and “not-me,” it’s not even possible to say “things just happen in me and around me,” which is what I almost typed. But immediately that fell away. There is no distinction between “me” and “not-me,” so I can only say, “things happen,” or “life happens.”
A small example is sitting here typing this now. There’s no one here doing it, it’s just happening. “I” didn’t decide to come over here and do this. It just occurred (though thought is more than happy to make up stories about how I decided to come over here and why…)
A “larger” example (though, what is small or large, really?) is the end of a recent love relationship and all the events leading up to it. Thought tells stories about decisions each of us made, or who is to blame for what...but truly, neither of us ever made a choice or could possibly to blame since neither of us were ever there to act.
6) Anything to add?
What comes after this? It's strange because it really does appear that nothing has changed. It seems like such a subtle shift. But as habitual thought patterns adjust to this it seems like there will be a continued shift in the organism's functioning. I suppose that's what the FB groups are meant to assist?
Thank you for your guidance!
Riley
