The Gate

There is this goal, and I am trying to reach it.

What is your goal for doing this "investigation" other than seeing that there is no separate you? Is it changing "you" in any way, shape or form? How will the truth change a "you" that you haven't been able to find?

There is confusion about having seen the truth but not dropped the expectations, or not seen the truth yet. There is dissatisfaction, however. (...) So I guess there at least are some expectations. Can’t seem to drop them easily.

Are the confusion, the dissatisfaction, related to something that is happening in reality or in thoughts?

Be curious, Pete! Don't you want to find if they are something that "you" own? Don't leave them unlooked!
What can you see making them appear, when you look directly at these states?
Are they owned by you or made by you?

Is any state permanent?

Kinda tired of looking, losing motivation.

Thank you for your honesty. Are you tired of looking or are you tired of thinking about this,trying to make sense of it? What happens if you just look without an agenda? What can you see happening? Is motivation really needed to see what is always available?

What are you expecting to happen?

hey. just wanna say that im busy 2day and tomorrow.

Hi, thank you for telling me.

Regarding sensations and thoughts - are you sure they are happening in the head, is that your experience?
Well, in direct experience there are just sensations in the area I with thought would call “the head”. Should I look more into this?

I didn't noticed this question when I wrote my post! If there is a belief that there is a you inside the body and/or inside the head, then yes, you should certainly look and see if it's true.

What is your goal for doing this "investigation" other than seeing that there is no separate you? Is it changing "you" in any way, shape or form? How will the truth change a "you" that you haven't been able to find?

It will change experience. Anxiety and self-hatred will be less sticky and disappear over time. Happiness/love will evolve.

There is confusion about having seen the truth but not dropped the expectations, or not seen the truth yet. There is dissatisfaction, however. (...) So I guess there at least are some expectations. Can’t seem to drop them easily.
Are the confusion, the dissatisfaction, related to something that is happening in reality or in thoughts?

it is related to something that hasn't happened in reality yet, but may happen in reality. From DE the dissatisfaction is just thoughts/feelings.

Be curious, Pete! Don't you want to find if they are something that "you" own? Don't leave them unlooked!
What can you see making them appear, when you look directly at these states?
Are they owned by you or made by you?

What I can see making the bad states appear? Interesting- haven’t looked at this. It seems it’s just a result of identification. Bu It is just as much “other” (not me) as other thoughts are. - just thoughts and feelings. Will look more to this.

Is any state permanent?

We all die, so can’t be. And the mood always changes, so no would be my answer.

Kinda tired of looking, losing motivation.
Thank you for your honesty. Are you tired of looking or are you tired of thinking about this, trying to make sense of it? What happens if you just look without an agenda? What can you see happening? Is motivation really needed to see what is always available?

Hmm in my words the problem is not thinking about it and trying to make sense of it – it’s more like trying to force seeing to happen, and identifying as the looker. This may just be a matter of words though.

But I agree with the rest – motivation shouldn’t be needed. If I look without an agenda thoughts and feelings just come. And then looking stops as I am lost in thoughts. Today one good thing with the looking was that the I-rants was viewed as just other’s former words repeated, now thought to stem from “me”, but as “other”.

What are you expecting to happen?

I expect to see that “I” am empty. And that this will be known for sure.

Anxiety and self-hatred will be less sticky and disappear over time. Happiness/love will evolve.

The story of Pete777 will change inevitably, like all stories do over time. There is the story and there is this moment now. When you look, which one is happening in your experience?

Try to find the "anxiety and self-hatred" or the "happiness/love". Does your story about them match the experience of this moment?

Right now, can you see something that could be different than it is - a entity that needs to change, be better or feel better?

What I can see making the bad states appear? Interesting- haven’t looked at this. It seems it’s just a result of identification. Bu It is just as much “other” (not me) as other thoughts are. - just thoughts and feelings. Will look more to this.

Why are some states labeled as good and others states labeled as bad? Is this labeling of experience keeping in place the illusion of an entity with a story, a personality, a past and a future? A story of how Pete777 and his life should be?

The story of Pete777 will change inevitably, like all stories do over time. There is the story and there is this moment now. When you look, which one is happening in your experience?

Seeing, hearing, feeling is happening. The rest is bullshit :D this is nice to see.

Try to find the "anxiety and self-hatred" or the "happiness/love". Does your story about them match the experience of this moment?

Happiness/love: there are just emotions and sensations when looking.
Anxiety and self-hatred: there are just emotions and sensations when looking.
However: when not looking the anxiety and self-hatred is taking more of my attention then other times.

Right now, can you see something that could be different than it is - a entity that needs to change, be better or feel better?

Right now everything is as it is. The “I” that needs to change is just a thought.

Why are some states labeled as good and others states labeled as bad? Is this labeling of experience keeping in place the illusion of an entity with a story, a personality, a past and a future? A story of how Pete777 and his life should be?

Why? Because I’ve believed it to be true. Is it keeping the illusion? Hah, yea probably.

Wow, those are nice answers! Did anything changed since we start talking? You sound much more relaxed than in the beginning of our conversation :D

Let's see if there is something unclear. Can you please answer the questions below looking at your experience? Take your time with them, no need to rush.

Have you been able to find, a ‘you’ that is the ‘experiencer’?

Or a you that is the doer, or can control what happens?

Or a you that ‘makes’ decisions?

Or a you who ‘does the thinking’?

Is the "body" just another thought label for sensations (namely tactile & kinesthetic)?

Are the five body senses made to arise or experienced by this ‘you’?

Is there a you ‘in here’ which is separate from the world and others ‘out there’?

Is there doubt or unclarity that in all these cases the ‘you’ is nothing other than a mental fabrication?

And finally:

Are there any doubts about seeing through the illusion of separate you?

ok, will do these questions. Just wanna say that I'm kinda unsure of the answers, as im still afraid that im deluding myself into believing that the truth is seen. however, when looking right now "me" is only a thought.

Pete, if those feel like to many questions, see if there is one that seems harder to answer with certainty and we can look just at that one.

Is there doubt or unclarity that in all these cases the ‘you’ is nothing other than a mental fabrication?

Yes. Today some things pushed my buttons. For some time I am stuck in that mood. When looking only at the feeling it isn't much to experience, just some sensations in the head-area. They make the thoughts feel very real though. I feel just as I've used to earlier, and there is no certainty that it's all an illusion present.

Yes. Today some things pushed my buttons. For some time I am stuck in that mood. When looking only at the feeling it isn't much to experience, just some sensations in the head-area. They make the thoughts feel very real though. I feel just as I've used to earlier, and there is no certainty that it's all an illusion present.

Thank you for your honesty, Pete!

there is no certainty that it's all an illusion present.

What do you mean when you write all and illusion? Are you expecting life to become like a dream, so that you can wake up from it? When you look to what is happening here-now do you see an illusion? What's present?

They make the thoughts feel very real though.

Thoughts are real. They are experienced. It's the story they tell that isn't real. The story is always about what is not happening. Even when thoughts are about something that took place seconds ago. The thought happens after the fact. See for yourself if what I am saying is what happens in your experience, don't trust me, please :)

Today some things pushed my buttons.

When those kind of things happen, you enter "story mode" and it's all about the "you", isn't it?

If you can't find a you when looking to experience, what makes you think there is a you when thoughts are about the story of Pete?

Hi Pete, how are things going?

hey man. I've gotten some resistance against the obligation of having to write everyday.

It's a little late in the evening now, but will come back to u

can add that im still looking from time to time during the day

What is causing the resistance? Is there some fear here? Perhaps fear of something that could happen, or that wouldn't happen, if you see what I'm pointing to?