Seeking for a guide

[Sayah]

Hey Vivien,

There is a whole community of others on FB, who have also seen through the ‘self’. Actually, there are several groups to join. Furthermore, if you like, we can continue our conversation in another thread or on FB.

Thank you. :)

Look, this whole process of ‘liberation’ is not a one-time, big event.

Another big expectation of mine. Thank you for reminding. Actually starting to see, that this whole "liberation" -thing isn't anything like I had expected.. actually totally opposite :) It's not about your mind "changing", or living in peace and harmony, nor getting lost in the stories of thoughts EVER again, or not having emotional responses of thoughts.. hah. Actually nothing changes. "my" mind is the same, same selfish, silly and funny thoughts rolling there, or well, just thoughts after thoughts. Still have fears, shame, or whatever emotions arise, responding the thoughts, getting lost in the stories and fantasies.. BUT IT IS OK! Everything is ok, what this Sayah thinks, feels, says or behaves- shit, this is all OK!

Today, had this WONDERFUL moment in forest, just sitting there and realizeing that shit, "I'm" actually perfect just the way "I"am, because every moment is perfect as it is, cos there is NOTHING in between this moment and "I", and if every moment is perfect, then "I"am too!! Well, there is no "I", but had to use it.. It was a "some kinda of state", and it went away, but wanted to tell you.

“Silly, negative, stupid, selfish” – these are labels on previous thoughts. Is this true?
“I should feel guilty because of them” – is another label, right?
Does a thought have any power what so ever on what is?

Yep, labels all.
It is, what it is, with or without a thought.

I suggest ‘you’ to revise all these characteristics and see whether they are really ‘true’ and ‘necessary’. Please, let me know how it goes.

This has been quite rough. Notice, that all these "spiritual courses, books, memories, fantasies and experiences of liberation" had to throw away..to SEE. It wasn't easy. And I quess there still are some leftovers.. BUT can now see through them.. And it's not about, that there are something wrong with those books (fo example E.Tolle, Dalai Lama, Buddha...etc.) but it's the human mind, thoughts ,that are believed that confuses everything; "you should be something else, or develope yourself, or train your mind to "different", "YOU"..... And still all those books says it: There is nothing real than THIS moment, you can be liberated only at THIS moment. And still your mind won't believe it.. or SEE it. There is nothing fancy, or "high -level" thinking in SEEing IT. Quite opposite. :)

Is there an expectation that ‘you’ have to always be able to directly see what is real and what is not, and not being part of the ‘movie’?
Is there a wish to stepping outside of the ‘movie’?
Is it possible to step out of the ‘movie’?
Is there anything outside of the ‘movie’?

"I" would've answer yes to all of those questions few days ago, but not anymore. Those were HUGE expectations and assumption for "me".

Wonderful. :) Then what is the problem? :) What is missing?[/quote

I guess nothing. Only the thoughts suggest, that is NOT it. :)

Yes, ‘you’ THINK it is mostly logical.
This is a thought.
And what is seen in DE?

In DE have experienced absolutely that there is no "I". In DE, well, it's hard to put in words.. there is no separate self.. or separate nothing. No boundaries between "me, or my body and your"... like it's just happening. Everything is just happening as it is. There is no control what so ever in anything! Things JUST happen.

How does it felt like?
How it is experienced?
Can this be felt or is this just another thought?
What needs to happen in order to the thought label being put onto the experiences “The truth is VERY clearly seen”?

Well yeah, think I answered to those already.. Yes, there is no actual "feeling", or I can't describe it.. The thoughts wants to label it, but "it can't". hah. So yes, it's the thoughts that suggests that, seeking is still going on and there is A SEEKER, and "this CANNOT be it".. all those kinda thoughts.. but they are actually not that "loud" anymore. Like, what "i" have experienced in the past few days..it's becomeing more clear. Don't have words for that but feeling like "comeing down" from the clouds of fantasies, dreams and this whole dream -land.. espacially what comes to this "liberation". That had to leave everything behind.. and it's kinda confusing.. that actually being liberated isn't about "being less human", it's totally opposite, it's actually being human in every fucking way! Damn,... this makes me laugh and cry at the same time :)

Love, Sayah

[Vivien]

Dear Sayah,

Actually starting to see, that this whole "liberation" -thing isn't anything like I had expected.. actually totally opposite :)
....Still have fears, shame, or whatever emotions arise, responding the thoughts, getting lost in the stories and fantasies.. BUT IT IS OK! Everything is ok, what this Sayah thinks, feels, says or behaves- shit, this is all OK!

Yes, everything is OK the way it is.

That had to leave everything behind.. and it's kinda confusing.. that actually being liberated isn't about "being less human", it's totally opposite, it's actually being human in every fucking way! Damn,... this makes me laugh and cry at the same time :)

Exactly :) Everything is allowed.

Are there any other areas to examine, or questions that you have?

If you are confident that you have realised that 'I' is always just a thought, then there are further six questions to ask as part of this guiding process if you are ready for them. The response is then shared with other guides. Are you ready?

Love, Vivien

[Sayah]

Hey Vivien!

Yes, hit me with the questions! :)

Love, Sayah

[Vivien]

Dear Sayah,

Take your time with these questions. There is no rush. Please answer as clearly as possible and with as much detail as needed.

1) Is there a separate entity 'self', 'me' 'I', at all, anywhere, in any way, shape or form? Was there ever?

2) Explain in detail what the illusion of separate self is, when it starts and how it works from your own experience. Describe it fully as you see it now.

3) How does it feel to see this? What is the difference from before you started this dialogue? Please report from the past few days.

4) What was the last bit that pushed you over, made you look?

5) Do you decide, intend, choose, control events in Life? Do you make anything happen? Give examples from your experience.

6) Anything to add?

Love, Vivien

[Sayah]

Dear Vivien,

Thank you for the questions.

1) Is there a separate entity 'self', 'me' 'I', at all, anywhere, in any way, shape or form? Was there ever?

No.

2) Explain in detail what the illusion of separate self is, when it starts and how it works from your own experience. Describe it fully as you see it now.

The illusion of separate self starts pretty early age, around 1,5-2.. That appears of kids behaviour and words "this is mine" "Give to me" etc...So this "I-thought" starts to build up really early first by parents, then school, friends, society, culture, media.. these all support this idea of separate "I". And then it becomes a habit. "You" learn this false idea, that there is SOMEBODY controlling the life, that there would be this "me", who is separate of LIFE. "You" take seriously of your thoughts, that are not actually "yours". They are your parents, friends, this culture, school...whatever. And actually there aren't even "separate" thoughts, there are only thinking happening. Thoughts appearing at the moment are real, not the content of them. I see the whole "thought-system" as a computer programme, created by environment, in where "you" have lived. It labels everything, what your five senses sense.

3) How does it feel to see this? What is the difference from before you started this dialogue? Please report from the past few days.

Liberating!!!! :) Also there are feelings of relief, lightness, gratitude, and joy. Also these huge feelings of "freedom". They come few times a day, just suddenly. Feels like "jumping off the cliff" and in that moment, feels that "everything is possible".. I don't know how to describe it in words. It lasts only seconds, but it's daily now. It's like there is just this "emptiness", that is still so full.. It's awesome. Also wonderful acceptance has come, that is totally new.

There are still loosing in the stories and fantasies of thoughts happening, and therefor different kind of sensations arise. Difference is that most of the time, there is this acceptance. That everything is ok, in every moment, no matter what this "Sayah thinks, feels, acts or speaks". That is the biggest difference! There is this compassion.. Like yesterday, lying in my bed, "my" hands just started to pet "my" head. There were so much compassion and love in that moment. Felt strongly, that they were not "my hands".. just petting happening, and crying. Such beautiful moment, that "I" can't describe more in words. And there is this "shift of perspective" happening. That "i see" now clearly, how this Sayah functions. And time to time, it is hilarious! All those weakness and flaws, that "I used to shame" (=content of thoughts), are now mostly touching! But not all the time. Still get lost in the stories a lot.... but it's ok too. :)

4) What was the last bit that pushed you over, made you look?

This is funny, but I guess it was very early, that dream I haved! In that dream, I SAW. There were something different after that.. Or maybe there is where it all started. Then a lot of thoughts "This can't be it", "It should be more BIG"... So when we started to go through the expectations, then it is, when it started to reveal itself really, the truth. It was quite hard, to leave those beliefs of "liberation" behind, or SEE through them. Because they were totally opposite, than what it is! That's why a lot of anger arised... It's funny, now that "I"think of it. The last bit was your line "This whole liberation -thing isn't one time event.." Then it hit me, the last expectation was empty. There were nothing to rely on, nothing to believe, nothing..

5) Do you decide, intend, choose, control events in Life? Do you make anything happen? Give examples from your experience.

No, because there isn't "me", who could choose, decide, intend or control ANYTHING. There is nobody "makeing" decisions, there are only things happening. Life happening. Those things happens only in content of thoughts. In "I -thoughts". But they are not real. Simply because there is no I or Me. Thinking also just happening.

6) Anything to add?

Two things. Fist, I have to tell you my dream last night. I was a interviewer for the TV-show, and this "President" was comeing to be my guest. It was a President of USA, but not Obama. There were also a lot of security guys with him. Then he came, the show was rolling and I completely forgot his name, so I made up his name and started "This is the President Jackson". And then this guy, President, starts to yell at me "I'm not your fucking Jackson, or Smith, or Murrey.." and he was so angry at me, but suddenly I felt like laughing, when watching him yelling at me. First I tried to hold back my laugh, but I just couldn't, even though his security guys were giving me a bad eye. The more I laughed, the smaller the President got. Suddenly I saw, he was a like a size of a mouse, and couldn't hear his voice anymore. I noticed I had these ear plugs in my ears and started to get them off to hear the President, but noticed, I don't have to listen to that crap of him, besides he is not even a REAL human being! He had become this small, cute mouse and I laughed so much in that dream, when realizeing, that President isn't real, that I woke up in my own laughter in the middle of the night.

I guess, I don't have to explain more. :)

Second thing: THANK YOU Dear Vivien!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Such Gratitude towards you right now.

Thank you.
You were so good at guiding!! :)

Love, Sayah

[Vivien]

Dear Sayah,

Thank you for answering the questions.

THANK YOU Dear Vivien!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Very welcome Sayah, it’s my pleasure. But you know, you did the looking :)

I will now pass our dialogue for other guides to read.
There may be more questions to follow.
I will write again shortly.

Love, Vivien

[Vivien]

Dear Sayah,

I'm happy to say that the guides are now satisfied that you have seen through the illusion of a separate self and none of them has any further questions. LU admin will get you 'turned blue' and they will be contact you in a private message with invitations to the various groups. So check your inbox here on the forum!
I think that you have already friended me on FB. :)
It has been a real pleasure and privilege to accompany you in this exploration. Thank you.

Love, Vivien