The Gate

Hi Peter

I am sorry for the delay - Let's try to get back on track.

A Zen saying along the lines of "I am the tree" or "I and the tree are the same" that puzzled me for a few months now makes sense in this way: the tree is a thought (label) arising with sensations of seeing/hearing (of the apparent tree), just as "I" is a label arising with sensations/thoughts (of what's taken to be "my body" or "my mind"). "I" and "a tree" are experienced similarly.

Yes. Excellent.
I hadn't heard that one before, but yes, it is a great pointer.
Both 'I' and 'tree' are thoughts.

If asked "*what* am I?" (presuming an I), an answer is "I am awareness, of sensations & thoughts."

Is this an existing thing? Or a thought appearing?
Could any thought content that appears 'be' or 'contain' 'you'?

And the last three of the six questions:

4) Please explain in detail what the illusion of separate self is, when it starts and how it works from your own experience. Describe it fully as you see it now (Feel free to use conventional language here).

5) Please describe decision, intention, free will, choice and control. What makes things happen? How does it work? What are you responsible for? Give examples from your experience if possible.

6) Do you have anything further that you would like to add or ask?

Xain ♥

Thanks, Xain. No worries about the delay. I will respond tomorrow. Peter

Xain,

Thanks for these questions.

"If asked "*what* am I?" (presuming an I), an answer is "I am awareness, of sensations & thoughts."

Is this an existing thing? Or a thought appearing?

It's a thought. There are sensations and thoughts. There is no separate awareness of sensations and thoughts (i.e. no separation of awareness and sensations/thoughts -- there's just sensations and thoughts happening, being experienced).

Could any thought content that appears 'be' or 'contain' 'you'?

No. Thoughts are not me -- in the sense of me as some real entity. From another perspective, yes -- a thought "I" is all there is to "me".

4) Please explain in detail what the illusion of separate self is, when it starts and how it works from your own experience. Describe it fully as you see it now (Feel free to use conventional language here).

The illusion of separate self is the idea that there's a "me" separate from the rest of the world; often associated is the idea that I can do better or worse relative to others. It starts when some thought about self (either explicitly or implied through contrast with someone else) arises -- often in conversation, or reading, or daydreaming -- such as "I should do X" or "Person X should have done Y" or "I am X [eg bad or good, or bad or good at Y]". This is often followed by other thoughts also assuming the existence of a self separate from others, which can be promoted over or defended against others, or can help others --e.g., "This is mine", "I did X because...", "I told you this was a bad idea", "I see what your problem is and I can fix it for you", etc. It ends when these thoughts pass.

It occurs to me that this doesn't really answer what the idea of me *is*, just how it's part of thought... but that's the point, that there is no me except as a thought arising, and there's little more to say about it. I could say it's a thought arising and presumed to be true, believed, but that's just a thought, implying the existing of a believer that's not found. Rather, it's just a thought. One might speculate about why this thought arises -- ideas of past experiences -- but that's just more thought, not seen now.

These "I" thoughts tend to imply that I am, or that I own, my body and mind and that these are permanent with fixed characteristics and under my control. But these aren't verified -- body and mind are just thoughts arising (perhaps following sensations or other thoughts), and comparisons of things before versus now (whether as being the same or different) are just thoughts now, and control is just a thought following an action or other thought.

5) Please describe decision, intention, free will, choice and control. What makes things happen? How does it work? What are you responsible for? Give examples from your experience if possible.

Things just happen (it doesn't seem that anything makes things happen). Apparent choices and decisions happen as sequences of thoughts and actions -- e.g., "I could go left or right"; "which is better?"; <move left>; thought "left" -- and these thoughts and actions are experienced but not controlled. There's no free will in the sense of a "me" controlling thoughts and actions. These things just happen. The only sign of "free will" is a tightness arising in my chest, a thought "I do have free will", a thought that this is resistance to the idea of no free will. But my foot is just moving up and down, and then there's a thought "up" -- that's clearly how it works, action preceding "controlling" thoughts.

Given this lack of control, there's no responsibility of a "me" for doing anything. That illusion arises through thoughts of "I'm responsible for X so I should do Y", which may be followed by doing Y, and the thought "so I will do Y", or not, but this is all just happening.

Likewise intention is sometimes "set" as an I-associated thought arising "I intend to do X"; this may influence subsequent thoughts and actions arising, but that's just a thought about influences -- all that's known is thoughts and actions arising.

6) Do you have anything further that you would like to add or ask?

There's a thought that while I'm exploring things as haphazardly as ever -- for example, earlier today a thought that I've been caught in thought, a thought that turning on music may be running away from some hard thinking I "should" do for work, freshly and keenly experiencing that music for a moment then turning it off, cycling through thoughts, and so on -- there's an underlying ease that's clear in the gaps. It doesn't feel like I've reached some destination -- this moment is always new and unknown and an exploration so a destination feels like such a constrained idea -- but it seems that that the "goal" of seeing that self is an illusion, and that there's nothing missing from this moment (nothing to seek), has happened. I welcome further questions but don't seek them.

Thank you! I hugely appreciate your patient efforts. My laptop battery is dying so this is all for tonight, though these thanks feel entirely inadequate!
Warmly,
Peter

Hello again Peter

Thank you for your praise - I enjoy guiding, and it has been a pleasure to guide you. ♥
There are no more questions - The other guides are happy that you have seen through the illusion, as am I.

If you wish for further guidance or would like to chat with others on Facebook who have 'come through the gate', I can get you added to our groups - Just let me know your Facebook name or page URL in a Private Message if you wish this (click my red name, and then choose 'Send private message').

I wish you all the very best for the future
Xain ♥