Hi Pete,
Many apologies for not getting back in touch earlier! My flight back home was delayed by quite a bit, and I just now had a chance to respond thoughtfully.
Is there a separate entity 'self', 'me' 'I', at all, anywhere, in any way, shape or form? Was there ever?
No, there is no separate entity at all. There never was one, but ‘my’ thoughts seemingly pointed to one … sometimes directly (e.g. “I am hungry”), and sometimes indirectly (e.g. feeling angry if someone was impolite to me, as if there was an ‘I’ being subjected to the impoliteness).
Explain in detail what the illusion of separate self is, when it starts and how it works from your own experience. Describe it fully as you see it now.
The word “illusion” is a very apt description for it. Born out of social conditioning and unquestioned experience (for years!), the illusion is
very convincing at first. Thoughts constantly label experience and attribute experience to a local, separate entity … as if everything is bundled up and concentrated in a central ‘thing’ … but this is not what is truly going on. Before the labeling occurs, no such entity exists. What does exist? Everything else! There’s just no ‘I’ animating, experiencing, or reacting to any of it.
How does it feel to see this? What is the difference from before you started this dialogue? Please report from the past few days.
Feelings of extreme relaxation and “looseness” have been arising over the past few days … as if everything is OK (even the flight delay, which would’ve really ticked ‘me’ off normally) and a knot has been untangled. But, these feelings will eventually subside, and other others will surface.
Before starting this dialogue with you, ‘I’ existed as the type-r of these words, as the feeler of feelings, and as the controller of action. But that is so unnecessary! Now, words are typed, feelings are felt, and actions simply occur. The simplicity of all this is beautiful.
It was interesting being at a wedding and all the other parties/celebrations that accompany the ceremony. ‘I’ gently floated from hour to hour, person to person, occasion to occasion … everything was brimming with love. ‘I’ could clearly see self-referential thoughts, and let them pass. When other people talked to this body, words easily flowed out of ‘my’ mouth. ‘My’ “personality” wasn’t all that different … everything simply existed and proceeded the way it was going to anyways.
What was the last bit that pushed you over, made you look?
‘My’ biggest hang-up was visual experience, and the seeming separateness of the body from everything else. With your pointing, ‘I’ was able to see that the body was just another thought-label. When ‘my’ faith in the separateness of the body crumbled, so did the separate entity. Thank you!
Describe decision, intention, free will, choice and control. What makes things happen? How does it work? What are you responsible for? Please give specific examples from your recent experience.
There is no decision, intention, free will, choice, control, etc. What makes things happen is a mystery, but things happen regardless. How does it work? ‘I’ don’t know, but it is all so very beautiful.
‘I’ am not responsible for anything, insofar that responsibility entails the existence of a separate entity. But responsibility is acted out nonetheless. For example, ‘I’ abstained from the drinking at the reception so that I could drive friends home afterwards. The fact that ‘I’ needed to do this was registered by thought, exercised by the body, and affirmed in conversation … but there was no ‘I’ behind it, and neither was an ‘I’ necessary.
Another example: ‘I’ needed to choose a wedding gift last-minute. After looking at a few different items, ‘I’ quickly selected one and made sure that it fit the budget I had in mind. The quickness of it all was surprising, because ‘I’ am typically very indecisive … always thinking through options from a place of anxiety. This time, I just let thoughts, the body, and the cosmos do their thing … and viola, a gift was selected painlessly.
In this sense, an unnecessary component (the ‘I’) has been subtracted, and everything else has stayed the same.
Anything to add?
Nothing, except for a big THANK YOU. Your pointing was kind, encouraging, and incisive.
Then I'll arrange for you to get access to various aftercare and other groups on Facebook and the LU site. Have you got a Facebook name? If so, either let me know here or, if you prefer, PM it to me.
Many thanks for looking out! I don’t have a Facebook account, but I can create one if that is where the LU community lives.
Gratefully, and with love,
Prabh