The Gate

Hi Sarah,

Well there seems to have been a little bit of a shift since reading your last reply yesterday. There's no looking for something spectacular and a bit more of an acceptance that whatever comes up just comes up. It's not being forced.

The exercises I did a couple of days ago really seemed to spark something and your confirmations that I seemed to be looking in the right places have helped.

The difference has definitely been that from the looking I did Im no longer looking at thoughts differently than the body when it comes to control. The perspective has shifted in that respect. Not a great deal but jut a little bit.

I have a lot more looking to do, but at the moment there doesn't seem to be this huge urge to seek as there has been recently. there's just a kind of more relaxed feeling going on at the moment that tells me that I'll do some more looking when I feel like it. That will probably be in the next day or so but the urgency has dropped off which is nice.

So if you dont mind I'll just sit on your latest batch of questions for a while but I'll still carry on updating you as I go.

Thanks Sarah

Tom

Hi Tom

Well there seems to have been a little bit of a shift since reading your last reply yesterday. There's no looking for something spectacular and a bit more of an acceptance that whatever comes up just comes up. It's not being forced.

Is that possible? To force acceptance? How does one ‘let go’?

I have a lot more looking to do, but at the moment there doesn't seem to be this huge urge to seek as there has been recently. there's just a kind of more relaxed feeling going on at the moment that tells me that I'll do some more looking when I feel like it. That will probably be in the next day or so but the urgency has dropped off which is nice. So if you dont mind I'll just sit on your latest batch of questions for a while but I'll still carry on updating you as I go.

Just let the dust settle. Notice everything move and flow. Notice what is. Come back with what you notice.
Love and Hugs Sarah xxxx

Hi Sarah,

it's been an unplanned mad hectic one today so I've not had any time for this. I'll be back to normal tomorrow. Just checking in.

Tom

Not to worry Tom. Thanks for letting me know. S xxx

Hi Sarah,

I’ve written, re-written and re-re-written entire chunks of senseless gobbledygook today. I have about 3 pages of the stuff but it’s not going to get posted because it won’t make any sense! I’m going to sort it all out and post when the brain is functioning better! Its simply not a good day for explaining my experience of reality!

Best wishes

Tom

Are you OK? S xx

Hi Sarah,

I'm absolutely fine thanks for asking. Its some family stuff that came up over the weekend that has left me drained! its frustrating, I'm really getting somewhere with his but I need a functioning brain to do it LOL. Don't worry I'm eager to get back to it.

Tom xx

Hi Sarah,

Although I've had a difficult couple of days what I'm really seeing now is that difficult or not, whether there is a sense of separation or not, whether Tom seems to be here or not it's just what is. There's no actual separation, there are no actual difficulties. What's been behind the seeming sense of separation and difficulties has also been a sense of this is supposed to happen and it couldn't be any other way but that sense is also just what is as well.

Yes! Keep looking till you have exhausted all possibilities. Leave no stone unturned!

Im still looking at this but there have been some more observations.

Thoughts just appear just as they always have done. There is zero control over their content or timing. There’s more of an acceptance about this – thoughts just pop up. Their timing and what specific thoughts come up just are. It's like the body is on autopilot and as the body goes on doing its thing thoughts randomly appear telling a me the story about its encounters and what it makes of it all. Thoughts are even seen to argue with each other about which one might be right about a particular experience.

I am just the thing witnessing the body do stuff, witnessing throughts come up and witnessing the sensations that arise after a thought comes up. I can definitely understand the analogy of the movie screen ive read about many times. Stuff comes up for a bit then disappears, its never ever exactly the same. A feeling might appear to be the same and memory kicks in and labels it but that's seen and without the label it's just seen as more stuff. Even the really ‘bad’ feelings aren’t bad. Its just stuff without a label. It’s the label that seems to make it bad.

BTW - the word 'stuff' is my new best friend, I'm finding it describes everything that seems to go on pretty well LOL.

I cant say that I always feel like the screen and that thoughts aren’t dragging me in but I do see that they are just thoughts. They are not who I am and I can clearly see that I only suffer whenever a thought gets followed. My god does thought try and trick you over and over!!! Its like the mind is thinking – OK I didn’t get away with that thought try this one, and then this one. And – all this time I absolutely see that what is happening, whether a thought gets followed or not, whether I identify as an individual or not is just what is supposed to be happening anyway. I am supposed to be experiencing whatever I am experiencing. Theres no need to be any different because this is who I am and how could I possibly anyway.

Im going to keep looking because I sense Ive only scratched the surface.

Well if thoughts don’t think – how can a link be made between thought A and thought B? Is thought a lot of single thoughts – like pearls on a necklace? Or clouds in the sky?

I can’t find any meaningful pattern in thoughts at all. They just seem totally random. Thoughts SEEM to make meaningful sense if they are followed and believed in. The only thing that creates a link between thought A and thought B is another thought! And that is another eye opener!! I do need to keep on looking at this though again I sense I've only scratched the surface.

Is that possible? To force acceptance? How does one ‘let go’?

No - I can’t find a way that it would be possible to force acceptance or let go. Whatever is happening is happening and must be what is supposed to be happening. There is zero control over it. There might be a thought about forcing acceptance and although that doesn’t change what’s happening I must admit it still feels like it and I can’t yet see/work out what that means by looking. I can see that its Tom that’s trying to force the acceptance and the further back I stand from Tom the less there seems to feel the need to do anything at all except watch what’s going on. Whatever this thing is I am when Tom isn’t around doesn’t feel the need to change or accept anything.

Just let the dust settle. Notice everything move and flow. Notice what is. Come back with what you notice.

There are no individual controllers anywhere, including here. I admit this does make me think what the hell is the point in anything, but that's only a thought. There are moments when everything that’s being sensed is in me. I look out into the garden and its like the garden is inside me or here. There’s no distance to anything and yet everything goes on forever. Nothing happens in and of itself. Everything is affecting everything else. How could any individual exist in isolation of the effects of everything going on all around. It couldn’t. so in that sense there can’t be lots of separate, distinct things. Everything needs everything else.

Thanks again Sarah

Tom

Hi Tom

I am just the thing witnessing the body do stuff, witnessing throughts come up and witnessing the sensations that arise after a thought comes up.

Are you the watcher then? Or the thing that knows there’s watching going on?

BTW - the word 'stuff' is my new best friend, I'm finding it describes everything that seems to go on pretty well LOL.

:)

I cant say that I always feel like the screen and that thoughts aren’t dragging me in but I do see that they are just thoughts. They are not who I am and I can clearly see that I only suffer whenever a thought gets followed. My god does thought try and trick you over and over!!! Its like the mind is thinking – OK I didn’t get away with that thought try this one, and then this one.

Yup! Turtles all the way down! Concept on top of concept.

I do need to keep on looking at this though again I sense I've only scratched the surface.

Just checking - is there a ‘need’ or ‘want’ in here? Has seeking ended?
What is experienced here is that looking still happens.

There are no individual controllers anywhere, including here. I admit this does make me think what the hell is the point in anything, but that's only a thought. There are moments when everything that’s being sensed is in me. I look out into the garden and its like the garden is inside me or here. There’s no distance to anything and yet everything goes on forever. Nothing happens in and of itself. Everything is affecting everything else. How could any individual exist in isolation of the effects of everything going on all around. It couldn’t. so in that sense there can’t be lots of separate, distinct things. Everything needs everything else.

Lovely!
So then Tom – any more questions? Any uncertainty? Anything you are not sure of?
Ready for some final questions?
Lots of Love Sarah xxx

Hi Sarah,

Are you the watcher then? Or the thing that knows there’s watching going on?

I’m not the watcher because I would have thought a watcher would be something I could find outside of thought. I can only be the ‘thing’ that knows there’s watching going on even though I’m not a ‘thing’.

Just checking - is there a ‘need’ or ‘want’ in here? Has seeking ended?

Again I’m having a bit of difficulty explaining this. There is nothing needed or wanted ‘here’. Wanting and seeking are still strongly in thought. It’s like I know what I am but the mind doesn’t and is constantly trying to tell me so and it’s so convincing that doubt still comes up. I see that the doubt is in thought but it has a strong pull.

What is experienced here is that looking still happens.

That’s good to know. Would you say that’s because the mind continues to think it’s still in control?

So then Tom – any more questions? Any uncertainty? Anything you are not sure of?

I guess the question I have is any suggestions what I ‘do’ next? ‘Do’ being used in the loosest possible terms ;-)

Lots and lots of uncertainty – only in thought - where else could it be – any advice?

Ready for some final questions?

I’ll do my best 

Tom xx

Hi Tom

That’s good to know. Would you say that’s because the mind continues to think it’s still in control?

Are habitual ‘doings’ still happening? Are learnt responses still happening? Did you expect them to just disappear overnight? What happens when they are noticed? Anything?

Does thinking still happen? The difference now is what? Do these thoughts have power? Do these thoughts refer to someone? Are thoughts part of what is? Again was it expected that something should ‘happen’ to thoughts? Perhaps they were supposed to vanish or shut up!!!!! LOL. The mind can thinks what it likes – what or who would mind the mind doing that!!!!! LOL.

I guess the question I have is any suggestions what I ‘do’ next? ‘Do’ being used in the loosest possible terms ;-) Lots and lots of uncertainty – only in thought - where else could it be – any advice?

Yes. An interesting question. How would you answer it now?
Also does doing just happen? Do you still get up? Do chores? Get water and chop water (so to speak)? Is ‘anyone’ doing anything? Or is there simply doing?
There can be some pretty ingrained beliefs attached to doing and becoming – have a look and see if they are still there.
Lots of Love Sarah xxx

Hi Sarah,

Are habitual ‘doings’ still happening? Are learnt responses still happening? Did you expect them to just disappear overnight? What happens when they are noticed? Anything?

You mean they don’t disappear overnight?? LOL no there is no reason at all to think these things would disappear overnight. I admit there was an expectation that something would change. But thinking about it now that’s just plain silly. Though there is an expectation and assumption that the witnessing of Toms habits may bring about change over time when its seen which habits don’t seem to be so…..useful.

Does thinking still happen? The difference now is what? Do these thoughts have power? Do these thoughts refer to someone? Are thoughts part of what is? Again was it expected that something should ‘happen’ to thoughts? Perhaps they were supposed to vanish or shut up!!!!! LOL. The mind can thinks what it likes – what or who would mind the mind doing that!!!!! LOL.

Yes thinking still carries on exactly as before. I can’t see why the content of those thoughts would change either. Thoughts only appear to have power if they are followed but have no power in themselves.

I guess the question I have is any suggestions what I ‘do’ next? ‘Do’ being used in the loosest possible terms ;-) Lots and lots of uncertainty – only in thought - where else could it be – any advice?

Yes. An interesting question. How would you answer it now?

I see there is nothing to do. I get this. But in normal everyday language in the same way that one learns a new skill and might want to get better at it by practising or reading someone might ask someone that has more experience what might be the best course of action.

Also does doing just happen? Do you still get up? Do chores? Get water and chop water (so to speak)? Is ‘anyone’ doing anything? Or is there simply doing?

I’ve never been particularly good at chopping water and I suspect this will continue to be the case LOL but yes everything carries on as before it couldn’t really be otherwise. There’s no one doing anything, the doing of stuff continues to be done.

There can be some pretty ingrained beliefs attached to doing and becoming – have a look and see if they are still there.

I think this is the crux of it.

Thanks Sarah

Tom

Hi Tom

Though there is an expectation and assumption that the witnessing of Toms habits may bring about change over time when its seen which habits don’t seem to be so…..useful.

Maybe! – Maybe not! LOL. What has been experienced here is that un-useful habits, thoughts etc have dropped off – but no one is doing that – it is just seen.

I see there is nothing to do. I get this. But in normal everyday language in the same way that one learns a new skill and might want to get better at it by practising or reading someone might ask someone that has more experience what might be the best course of action.

I think this is the crux of it.

Yes – there is nothing to do – doing just happens - I can explain from what is experienced here – but funnily enough it is something that is being looked at here. Some leave what they do (job wise – is this what you meant?), others don’t. We can look at this later if you wish? Ive pm’d you.

OK – some questions. Take your time – there is no rush. Just answer as thoroughly as needed. I’ll have a look and see if there is anything I have missed. I’ll then ask other guides to also check and see if there is anything I have missed. OK?
1) Is there a separate entity 'self', 'me' 'I', at all, anywhere, in any way, shape or form? Was there ever?
2) Explain in detail what the illusion of separate self is, when it starts and how it works from your own experience. Describe it fully as you see it now.
3) How does it feel to see this? What is the difference from before you started this dialogue? Please report from the past few days.
4) What was the last bit that pushed you over, made you look?
5) Do you decide, intend, choose, control events in Life? Do you make anything happen? Give examples from your experience.
6) Anything to add?
Lots of Love Sarah xxx

Hi Sarah,

As you say I'll take my time with this and post over the weekend.

Have a good weekend.

Tom

Thanks for letting me know Tom. Have a lovely weekend too! Have pm'd you again!
Lots of Love Sarah xxx