Seeking a Guide

[Sarah7]

Hi Jessica
Internet still not on at home!

I'm not sure yet. I need to look at this more. But they seem to break, bounce around and sometimes repeat themselves. Still, there seems to be something that links them together in a very powerful way. Is it a story? For example, the story always comes up in my mind that I am messy and disorganized but I'm hardworking. Thoughts maybe feed into certain notions? I still don't really understand this so I will take some more time with it.

Again – fabulous looking here. Yes watch thoughts – where they attach, how they attached, how they describe, how they explain, how they chatter on. Whilst doing this look for the one who is affected by them. Look for the one who believes what they say.

Has this repeated thought turned into belief – ‘I am messy and disorganized but I'm hardworking’? Really look at this belief/repeated thought. To what does it refer? Where is the point for this reference?

I spent a lot of time looking at emotions this weekend. I focused on the sensations in the body. First, I looked at anger. It began as a tightening in the chest, and in the throat. It seemed to spread through intensity through my chest and arms, and yes at that time even my elbows felt angry. There were thoughts like screaming in my head. Then, I looked at anxiety. It was also a tightening in the chest and in the throat. But this time my mind labeled it as anxiety. Then I looked at fear. It was also a tightening in the chest and in the throat. Then I looked at disappointment. The same sensations. All of these "different emotions" are all beginning to feel very similar in regards to bodily sensations. i can see how the mind is labeling them differently. The exception is anger because it's the same sensations it seems to have more intensity. Perhaps it's because the thoughts actually seem to be screaming! That's really intriguing. All I know now is that that feeling in the chest and throat doesn't feel good.

Lovely looking and seeing. Really study this interpretation of sensation. Look at story – this may be quick and very subtle – like ‘here we go again’, or even labeling like ‘this is anger’. Also look for forward thinking where emotions are concerned – for instance you say ‘All I know now is that that feeling in the chest and throat doesn't feel good’. Immediately story is resisting what is. Take that away and what are you left with? Please don’t interpret that as you take that away – just look. And again – look for where the reference point is for this anger – where is this you that is angry? Or is it like weather and thoughts – simply coming on its own – moving and passing? Look.
Much Love Sarah xxxxx

[jessica07]

Hi Sarah,

Thanks for your post. I hope it is not too inconvenient for you to use the internet these days.

Yes watch thoughts – where they attach, how they attached, how they describe, how they explain, how they chatter on. Whilst doing this look for the one who is affected by them. Look for the one who believes what they say.

Well, there was a self who believed these thoughts. But when looking for this self I can not find it. The habits and patterns seem to mostly remain. I want to understand how thoughts work, and how stories are created.

Has this repeated thought turned into belief – ‘I am messy and disorganized but I'm hardworking’? Really look at this belief/repeated thought. To what does it refer? Where is the point for this reference?

This repeated thought has most definitely turned into belief. When I couldn't find my car keys this morning, I thought "Of course I can't find my car keys. I'm messy and disorganized. What's wrong with me? I can't find my car keys AGAIN!" When I spilled my coffee last week, I thought, "Of course I spilled my coffee. I'm messy and disorganized! If there is something to spill "I" will spill it." After doing this work, I starting to feel bored with that story. It is boring and inaccurate. But I believed this story my whole life. And there are many other things that I have believed that don't seem so true anymore. Everyone will spill something from time to time. And everyone will misplace something every once in a while.

Really study this interpretation of sensation. Look at story – this may be quick and very subtle – like ‘here we go again’, or even labeling like ‘this is anger’. Also look for forward thinking where emotions are concerned – for instance you say ‘All I know now is that that feeling in the chest and throat doesn't feel good’. Immediately story is resisting what is. Take that away and what are you left with?

There seems to be a lot of resisting going on. I am somewhat aware of how thoughts, stories, and labeling work. But I still want to understand thoughts, stories, and labeling better. I still feel very confused. But I feel like I'm getting closer to something -or Nothing:). During the very short times when there was no resistance prior to now I felt an amazing amount of love.

I will try to take away the resistance and look when anger or another "unpleasant" emotion arises. It might take some time. I can imagine that the mind might try resisting.

Thanks Always and Warm Wishes. Love,

JessicaXXX

[Sarah7]

Hi Jessica

Thanks for your post. I hope it is not too inconvenient for you to use the internet these days.

Shhh – I am doing it at work! Don’t tell anyone!

Well, there was a self who believed these thoughts. But when looking for this self I can not find it. The habits and patterns seem to mostly remain. I want to understand how thoughts work, and how stories are created.

Would that be thoughts that want to understand? Can you see that want and need? Just see if you can see it – there is no need to do anything, just see. Then see what happens to the want and need to understand.

This repeated thought has most definitely turned into belief. When I couldn't find my car keys this morning, I thought "Of course I can't find my car keys. I'm messy and disorganized. What's wrong with me? I can't find my car keys AGAIN!" When I spilled my coffee last week, I thought, "Of course I spilled my coffee. I'm messy and disorganized! If there is something to spill "I" will spill it." After doing this work, I starting to feel bored with that story. It is boring and inaccurate. But I believed this story my whole life. And there are many other things that I have believed that don't seem so true anymore. Everyone will spill something from time to time. And everyone will misplace something every once in a while.

Where is the one who deliberately loses keys and spills coffee? Locate that one. Where does the thought start from? Can you locate that? Or does the thought just pop out or through? Where does the thought go? Is there someone bringing that thought and getting rid of it? Look.

There seems to be a lot of resisting going on. I am somewhat aware of how thoughts, stories, and labeling work. But I still want to understand thoughts, stories, and labeling better. I still feel very confused. But I feel like I'm getting closer to something -or Nothing:). During the very short times when there was no resistance prior to now I felt an amazing amount of love.

With thoughts – try looking at them as clouds passing across the sky. Or different types of weather. Look under or around the thoughts instead of the content – can you see that space around them and under them?

Do ‘you label? Or does labeling just happen?

I will try to take away the resistance and look when anger or another "unpleasant" emotion arises. It might take some time. I can imagine that the mind might try resisting.

Do you remember saying there was no one to move that finger? Well – hunt down the one who can try to not resist! Where is that?
Much Love Sarah xxx

[jessica07]

Hi Sarah,

Shhh – I am doing it at work! Don’t tell anyone!

Don't worry! I won't tell anyone. :) That's okay! Yesterday I took a one hour nap at work!

Would that be thoughts that want to understand? Can you see that want and need? Just see if you can see it – there is no need to do anything, just see. Then see what happens to the want and need to understand.

Yes, thoughts are saying "I need to understand this 'no self' thing. The want and need doesn't really exist except in thoughts. Thoughts also say "I need to understand this no 'separate self' thing before I let you see no separate self. Thoughts are creating resistance and they are doing a good job of it.

Where is the one who deliberately loses keys and spills coffee? Locate that one. Where does the thought start from? Can you locate that? Or does the thought just pop out or through? Where does the thought go? Is there someone bringing that thought and getting rid of it? Look.

There is no one who deliberately loses keys and spills coffee. I don't know where this thought starts from. But, why are these thoughts about being messy and disorganized repeated so often? There must be something that connects them together or has connected them together. Since doing this work with you, random thoughts are less likely to be connected together to form judgments, but this still happens.

With thoughts – try looking at them as clouds passing across the sky. Or different types of weather. Look under or around the thoughts instead of the content – can you see that space around them and under them?

"I" tried to see that, but the sky become very cloudy. Seeing is not happening yet. Right now thoughts are preventing seeing from happening. But, just the tiny glimpses I've seen around and under thoughts are of something very peaceful and wonderful. But the mind says, "That's enough, no more seeing will be happening right now!!!" And the clouds of thoughts roll in. And the mind works overtime -- and doesn't get paid!!

I think I need some more time with this. The notion of 'separate self', is unraveling, but it is unraveling slowly.

Thanks always and warm wishes. Love,

JessicaXXX

[Sarah7]

Hi Jessica

Yes, thoughts are saying "I need to understand this 'no self' thing. The want and need doesn't really exist except in thoughts. Thoughts also say "I need to understand this no 'separate self' thing before I let you see no separate self. Thoughts are creating resistance and they are doing a good job of it.

LOL – reread this! Thoughts going blah blah!!!!! Look for this every time thoughts get attention – see how funny they are! Check the resistance too – if it wasn’t for thoughts – would there be any? So how can a thought create resistance? Look carefully at that process. Watch how it develops and grows and turns to story and belief and repeats etc. Don’t worry if you don’t catch it all at once – just keep looking when attention is there.

There is no one who deliberately loses keys and spills coffee. I don't know where this thought starts from.But, why are these thoughts about being messy and disorganized repeated so often?

Good question – Habit? Have a look.

There must be something that connects them together or has connected them together.

Why? Because thought says there must be!!!!! LOL. Have a look.

"I" tried to see that, but the sky become very cloudy. Seeing is not happening yet.

Yes it is! You are doing it right now! Does seeing happen without attention to it? Does hearing happen without attention to it? Just because thoughts aren’t involved in the process doesn’t mean it isn’t happening! Have a look!

Right now thoughts are preventing seeing from happening. But, just the tiny glimpses I've seen around and under thoughts are of something very peaceful and wonderful. But the mind says, "That's enough, no more seeing will be happening right now!!!" And the clouds of thoughts roll in. And the mind works overtime -- and doesn't get paid!!

Thoughts aren’t preventing anything! They simply have the attention at that moment. Look yourself. Thoughts don’t always have attention. Can you control this attention – or does it, like everything else, go where it wants when it wants? Have you ever been in a lift with a voice telling you what floor you are on? Thoughts are like that – they explain everything that is going on kind of like an announcer – and yet…..what do they actually control? Does the voice control the lift? Have a good look at how thoughts work, when they come in, what they comment on, what they latch onto….. Have a lovely weekend.
Much Love Sarah xxxxx

[jessica07]

Hi Sarah,

I hope you had a nice weekend. "I" had a nice weekend in the countryside.

Thoughts going blah blah!!!!! Look for this every time thoughts get attention – see how funny they are! Check the resistance too – if it wasn’t for thoughts – would there be any? So how can a thought create resistance? Look carefully at that process. Watch how it develops and grows and turns to story and belief and repeats etc. Don’t worry if you don’t catch it all at once – just keep looking when attention is there.

Yes, thoughts are going blah, blah!! Sometimes what thoughts are saying is interesting, sometimes it's boring, sometimes it's annoying and sometimes it's hurtful or painful. Thoughts can be playful too! For example, a friend of mine had worked at a university called "Dankook University" and now she works at a university called "Donkook University". Thoughts said, "Just change the 'a' to an 'o' and you can remember the new place she works." The body laughed!

Throughout the weekend, thoughts kept repeating themselves. The thought "Jessica you are a mess!" kept repeating itself. Thoughts sometimes turn into story and belief. For example, "Jessica you are a mess because you can't find your car keys!" or "Jessica you are a mess because your thoughts are messy." This weekend the thought "You are a mess" came up repeatedly but it didn't have as much attention or it didn't seem to be followed by a thought to support this belief. Actually, at first when "I" noticed this thought, another thought came up saying, "Rubbish! You don't need to believe every thought!" Then, the thought as it was repeated again and again seemed to get less attention, and was blinking in the background. But this thought might again grab attention. I think I'm starting to understand what you were saying about thoughts about thoughts, but not exactly. I also yet don't fully understand "story" and "belief". Well, what I mean is that thoughts are saying, "I don't really get this 'story' and 'belief' thing yet!"

Does seeing happen without attention to it? Does hearing happen without attention to it? Just because thoughts aren’t involved in the process doesn’t mean it isn’t happening! Have a look!

Yes, seeing does happen without attention to it. Living happens without attention to it. When I was driving my car, there was one time when thoughts didn't have attention. The body made the correct series of turns with the car. When thoughts had the attention again, "I" felt a little shocked. Thoughts said, "How did I get here?" , "Is this correct?" "Did I take a wrong turn?" Nope, no wrong turn. The body did it, without attention to thoughts. When driving the thoughts are sometimes but not usually about driving anyways. Last time I was driving to work the thoughts were about the scenery along the road and other things. Here were some of the thoughts: "That's a pretty pink flower growing in the concrete jungle", "There's my hair shop--gotta get my hair cut soon!", "What material will I use to supplement my lesson today?", "I don't want to go to work!" and so on ---blah, blah, blah. The thoughts seem to be saying "I'm here! I'm here! I'm here. I'm the one driving the car" If "I" was really driving the car, "I" wouldn't be able to think about pretty pink flowers.

Thoughts aren’t preventing anything! They simply have the attention at that moment. Look yourself. Thoughts don’t always have attention. Can you control this attention – or does it, like everything else, go where it wants when it wants?

No, I can not control this attention. I will continue to try to see when thoughts grab attention.

Thanks always and warm wishes. Love,

JessicaXXX

[Sarah7]

Hi Jessica
Had a lovely weekend thank you.
Im putting this again for you to keep looking at – in particular the thoughts creating resistance – how can they do that? Or is it simply believed story telling!
Thoughts going blah blah!!!!! Look for this every time thoughts get attention – see how funny they are! Check the resistance too – if it wasn’t for thoughts – would there be any? So how can a thought create resistance? Look carefully at that process. Watch how it develops and grows and turns to story and belief and repeats etc. Don’t worry if you don’t catch it all at once – just keep looking when attention is there.

Throughout the weekend, thoughts kept repeating themselves. The thought "Jessica you are a mess!" kept repeating itself. Thoughts sometimes turn into story and belief. For example, "Jessica you are a mess because you can't find your car keys!" or "Jessica you are a mess because your thoughts are messy." This weekend the thought "You are a mess" came up repeatedly but it didn't have as much attention or it didn't seem to be followed by a thought to support this belief. Actually, at first when "I" noticed this thought, another thought came up saying, "Rubbish! You don't need to believe every thought!" Then, the thought as it was repeated again and again seemed to get less attention, and was blinking in the background. But this thought might again grab attention. I think I'm starting to understand what you were saying about thoughts about thoughts, but not exactly. I also yet don't fully understand "story" and "belief". Well, what I mean is that thoughts are saying, "I don't really get this 'story' and 'belief' thing yet!"

LOL. Nice looking again! Where is this reference point of Jessica you are a mess? What is that sentence pointing too? Look like a cat watches a mouse hole. Find this messy Jessica!
So what if thoughts repeat? Who or what does that effect? Look for the one affected! Look for the one who believes thoughts to be telling the truth!

Yes, seeing does happen without attention to it. Living happens without attention to it. When I was driving my car, there was one time when thoughts didn't have attention. The body made the correct series of turns with the car. When thoughts had the attention again, "I" felt a little shocked. Thoughts said, "How did I get here?" , "Is this correct?" "Did I take a wrong turn?" Nope, no wrong turn. The body did it, without attention to thoughts. When driving the thoughts are sometimes but not usually about driving anyways. Last time I was driving to work the thoughts were about the scenery along the road and other things. Here were some of the thoughts: "That's a pretty pink flower growing in the concrete jungle", "There's my hair shop--gotta get my hair cut soon!", "What material will I use to supplement my lesson today?", "I don't want to go to work!" and so on ---blah, blah, blah. The thoughts seem to be saying "I'm here! I'm here! I'm here. I'm the one driving the car" If "I" was really driving the car, "I" wouldn't be able to think about pretty pink flowers.

Lovely looking. Yes just see – what do you really control?

No, I can not control this attention. I will continue to try to see when thoughts grab attention.

Can thoughts grab attention? Or are thoughts like everything else moving, rising, changing? A part of what is? Look.
Im sorry about this continued no internet thing – Im on it and hopefully it will be resolved asap! Thank you for your patience.
Much Love Sarah xxxxx

[jessica07]

Im putting this again for you to keep looking at – in particular the thoughts creating resistance – how can they do that? Or is it simply believed story telling!
Thoughts going blah blah!!!!! Look for this every time thoughts get attention – see how funny they are! Check the resistance too – if it wasn’t for thoughts – would there be any? So how can a thought create resistance? Look carefully at that process. Watch how it develops and grows and turns to story and belief and repeats etc. Don’t worry if you don’t catch it all at once – just keep looking when attention is there.

If it weren't for thoughts there wouldn't be resistance. I take a computer class every night from Monday-Friday. The teacher is very good but thoughts create or attempt to create resistance. Thoughts had a lot of attention last night during the class, saying things like, "This sucks!", "I'm tired after a long day of work!", "Is Excel going to be useful to me?" "I don't need Excel in my daily life so do I even need to be here", "I want to go home", "Now I understand how my students feel sometimes", "I shouldn't be thinking negative thoughts!!", "Be Positive. Just Be Positive! "The teacher is very good, so what's your problem(Jessica)?"

I don't really know what creates a story yet. But the story related to these thoughts is that MS Excel is boring, difficult and not useful. MS Excel is actually only one component of the computer course. But I came into the class already with some kind of negative attitude towards Excel. Thoughts were saying things like "You are not going to like MS Excel", "You don't need to study hard during the week we study Excel", "Just daydream yourself through the MS Excel classes".

But the teacher is really good, and explained it in a way that "I" could understand. Not only that, but he showed us what to do on a screen is front of the classroom. The body followed along with the teacher's actions as he clicked on certain buttons. Excel became interesting! Through direct experience, the story about MS Excel being difficult, boring, and not useful is no longer believed.

Where is this reference point of Jessica you are a mess? What is that sentence pointing too? Look like a cat watches a mouse hole. Find this messy Jessica!
So what if thoughts repeat? Who or what does that effect? Look for the one affected! Look for the one who believes thoughts to be telling the truth!

I am looking like a cat watches a mouse hole!
Not every thought repeats or is believed. But why are some thoughts believed and others not? This repeated thought of there being a “messy Jessica” has been believed for many years. The thoughts don’t really point to an actual person. This “messy Jessica” arises when coffee is spilled, the desk is cluttered with papers, dishes need to be done, etc. But sometimes this idea of there being “a messy Jessica” comes up even when there is no mess, with thoughts saying, “Well because your thoughts are messy, you are a mess”. That’s really weird.
So what if thoughts repeat? Who or what does that effect? Look for the one affected! Look for the one who believes thoughts to be telling the truth!

Yes just see – what do you really control?

Nothing really, thoughts and movement all seem to be part of the experience of life. The belief in a separate self is fading, but it is still there.

Im sorry about this continued no internet thing – Im on it and hopefully it will be resolved asap! Thank you for your patience.

That's okay! :)

Thanks always and warm wishes. Love,

JessicaXXX

[jessica07]

Hi Sarah,

There was a mistake in the previous post. I forgot to quote a part that you had written. I also forgot to say hello to you in the previous post.

Love,

Jessica

[Sarah7]

Good morning Messy Jessica :)

But the teacher is really good, and explained it in a way that "I" could understand. Not only that, but he showed us what to do on a screen is front of the classroom. The body followed along with the teacher's actions as he clicked on certain buttons. Excel became interesting! Through direct experience, the story about MS Excel being difficult, boring, and not useful is no longer believed.

So here do you see body movement with thought rumbling on in the background? Do you question the body movement? Is there resistance with the body movement? No because you say above the body followed. So why do thoughts attract so much attention? They only affect when what they say is believed to point to someone. Thoughts are not the enemy – in fact they can be (as Im sure you know) very useful. Go back to the lift analogy – this time thoughts are the lift music. Do you pay much attention to the life music? Or is it simply part of what is?

Not every thought repeats or is believed. But why are some thoughts believed and others not? This repeated thought of there being a “messy Jessica” has been believed for many years. The thoughts don’t really point to an actual person. This “messy Jessica” arises when coffee is spilled, the desk is cluttered with papers, dishes need to be done, etc. But sometimes this idea of there being “a messy Jessica” comes up even when there is no mess, with thoughts saying, “Well because your thoughts are messy, you are a mess”. That’s really weird.

So we can stick with the ones brought up so far OK. You say this thought doesn’t point to anything or anyone – you say the thought relates to body movement mostly but occasionally comes for no reason. Don’t know how old you are Jessica – but conditioning is not quick! Its like trying to break a habit – one layer at a time – OK. Every time it comes up (and again there maybe forgetting – don’t worry just pick up again when remembering happens) – forget the content of the sentence and look for who and what it points to. Where is messy Jessica – who is hurt by this sentence – who believes it – where is that reference point?
Is this thought owned - I am messy? What makes it true? Did you bring it? Can you send it away? Can you stop it? Are you in control of it? Or is it just background lift music?
Much Love and best wishes Sarah xxxxx

[jessica07]

Good Morning Sarah :)

So here do you see body movement with thought rumbling on in the background? Do you question the body movement? Is there resistance with the body movement? No because you say above the body followed. So why do thoughts attract so much attention? They only affect when what they say is believed to point to someone. Thoughts are not the enemy – in fact they can be (as Im sure you know) very useful. Go back to the lift analogy – this time thoughts are the lift music. Do you pay much attention to the life music? Or is it simply part of what is?

Yes, thoughts are not the enemy but they can seem to be the enemy at times. Other times thoughts seem very useful. That’s when thoughts aren’t about this “I”. Thoughts comment and make observations. For example, when teaching thoughts come up like, “The students don’t seem to understand. How about explaining it in a different way?” These are on-the-spot observations and decisions. The thought “Messy Jessica you are a bad teacher because the students don’t understand”, doesn’t help anyone. Or even the thought, “You are a good teacher” is not helpful either. Sometimes that is an excuse to limit future growth.

Thoughts that relate to this “I” or this “messy Jessica” have often caused pain. Not only is she believed to be messy, but also she’s believed to be socially awkward, and not measure up to others in so many different ways. But as this body goes throughout the day, people smile at her, they greet her, they laugh at her jokes, they ask her for advice.

As the body goes throughout the day, thoughts of “messy Jessica” come up a lot. Thoughts have not been like lift music but more like a bunch of angry musicians who don’t know how to play their musical instruments competing with each other to be the loudest. Until now, thoughts about this fictional person have been believed. The experience of the body has not been believed or trusted as much as the thoughts.

So we can stick with the ones brought up so far OK. You say this thought doesn’t point to anything or anyone – you say the thought relates to body movement mostly but occasionally comes for no reason. Don’t know how old you are Jessica – but conditioning is not quick! Its like trying to break a habit – one layer at a time – OK. Every time it comes up (and again there maybe forgetting – don’t worry just pick up again when remembering happens) – forget the content of the sentence and look for who and what it points to. Where is messy Jessica – who is hurt by this sentence – who believes it – where is that reference point?

I am 36 years old but I’m not mature! Old enough to be very well-conditioned!! There are so many conditioned and unpleasant thoughts related to “messy Jessica”.
Messy Jessica doesn’t exist? Thank goodness!! But she still believes that she exists. Thoughts come up which reinforce her existence. How can these thoughts be turned down or turned off?
Thoughts are sometimes very helpful when observing the world, growing, and when they work in harmony with the body to learn something new. Like with that computer class that “I” take. Thoughts and the body are working in harmony to learn a new skill.
Is a lot of the pain and suffering in this world related to these ideas about “I”? The world seems to be becoming more beautiful these days, more beautiful without the "I". But what about all the bad stuff that happens?

Getting closer to seeing through the illusion of self, but not yet there.

Thanks always and warm wishes. Love,

JessicaXXX

[Sarah7]

Hi Jessica

Yes, thoughts are not the enemy but they can seem to be the enemy at times.

To whom or what, other thoughts? Look carefully for this.

These are on-the-spot observations and decisions.

Do you decide or do decisions get made? Is there a you making these decisions? Like any other thought that comes and goes – did you bring it, did you control it, and did you send it away? Or did all that happen with thoughts trundling along beside the decisions being made?

As the body goes throughout the day, thoughts of “messy Jessica” come up a lot. Thoughts have not been like lift music but more like a bunch of angry musicians who don’t know how to play their musical instruments competing with each other to be the loudest. Until now, thoughts about this fictional person have been believed. The experience of the body has not been believed or trusted as much as the thoughts.

LOL. What is trust? Is it a feeling or an emotion? Does it have thoughts attached to it, building a story around it? So again – what believes a thought? Can a thought believe a thought? How is that possible? Do you experience that? Really? Or do you experience one thought following another thought and those thoughts commenting on that process? This may take a bit of serious digging!

I am 36 years old but I’m not mature! Old enough to be very well-conditioned!! There are so many conditioned and unpleasant thoughts related to “messy Jessica”.

STORY!!!!! One thought followed by another thought with another commenting thought – do you see it?

Messy Jessica doesn’t exist? Thank goodness!! But she still believes that she exists. Thoughts come up which reinforce her existence. How can these thoughts be turned down or turned off?

Ah now. That is turning thoughts into the enemy! Each time the thought messy Jessica pops into your head – look for messy Jessica, look for the power of that thought, pin point exactly where that reference point is. Look for the thought that wants to stop the other thoughts – lol! How can that happen? You said that thoughts come and go with no one to control them – so which thoughts have power? And over what? If they come and go and are unbidden, uncontrolled, where is there substance to do anything other than come and go?

But what about all the bad stuff that happens?

Without labeling – where is the bad stuff? Without thought – where is the bad stuff?
Much Love Sarah xxx

[jessica07]

Hi Sarah,

Do you decide or do decisions get made? Is there a you making these decisions? Like any other thought that comes and goes – did you bring it, did you control it, and did you send it away? Or did all that happen with thoughts trundling along beside the decisions being made?

Decisions get made with thoughts trundling along side. Thoughts don’t seem to control anything! That’s pretty weird, and that’s a thought saying “Thoughts are pretty weird”.

LOL. What is trust? Is it a feeling or an emotion? Does it have thoughts attached to it, building a story around it? So again – what believes a thought? Can a thought believe a thought? How is that possible? Do you experience that? Really? Or do you experience one thought following another thought and those thoughts commenting on that process? This may take a bit of serious digging!

I’d like to take the weekend to work on these questions. I’m ready to do some serious digging. Gonna get out two big shovels – mental shovels!!

STORY!!!!! One thought followed by another thought with another commenting thought – do you see it?

I can see thoughts running along body movement. Right now, it often seems like thoughts doing their own thing and the body doing it’s own thing, with thoughts sometimes related to what the body is experiencing and sometimes not. I can not see story exactly yet but will be working on this.

Each time the thought messy Jessica pops into your head – look for messy Jessica, look for the power of that thought, pin point exactly where that reference point is.

"Messy Jessica" popped into my head while at work. Tried to look for her, didn't find her, but thoughts started going wild and shouting! This is something that I’d like to work on over the weekend, while lying down in a dark quiet room. I know that I'm not supposed to find her, but what is going on with these shouting thoughts? Need to take some time with this.

Look for the thought that wants to stop the other thoughts – lol! How can that happen? You said that thoughts come and go with no one to control them – so which thoughts have power? And over what? If they come and go and are unbidden, uncontrolled, where is there substance to do anything other than come and go?

Thoughts say, “That’s enough bad thoughts”, “Stop thinking these negative thoughts”, “No more angry thoughts” and so on, blah blah blah! A thought has never been able to stop another thought!

Thank you for all your help. I hope you have a great weekend. Love,

JessicaXXX

[Sarah7]

Hi Jessica - Ill post again after the weekend when you have had a chance to look and comment on the rest of the questions. OK. Have a lovely weekend!
S xxx

[jessica07]

Hi Sarah,
Hope you had a great weekend.

STORY!!!!! One thought followed by another thought with another commenting thought – do you see it?

Would this be an example of story?:
One thought said, "How can those people expect me to DO THAT?", The next said, "They are asking too much of me!" and the next said, "They are asking me to do something that is beyond my capability!!" A commenting thought said, "I am angry!!"

Or are all of those commenting thoughts?

But then other thoughts said, "Who is this "I" that is angry?" "Where is she?" Had a good long look while at home, and didn't find her. And the anger, the fire inside, began to dissolve.

The stuff I wrote earlier about the movements of the body not being believed or trusted as much as thoughts seems like nonsense now. That was a suggestion by a thought saying, "Well, maybe this is what has been going on". Body movements have not been questioned, nor do they need to be questioned.

The mind seems to love to compare, and label. "I" really enjoyed thinking, and still enjoy thinking. "I" became stuck thinking that something like "This stuff about seeing how thoughts work and what they are doing is very useful. Now, I want to keep only the good thoughts and get rid of the bad thoughts"

But, it doesn't seem to work that way. Thoughts arise as they like. You asked me to look at trust, what is it? But it seems like a cloud of nothingness. Anger and fear seem like they have more substance. Whether they do or not is a matter of seeing. Right now, they feel like they have more substance. As, in the example above thoughts led to the labeling of anger and sensations in the body. Seeing that there is no "I" that is angry dissolved that feeling, the fierce desire to defend myself. I was not in any physical danger. If in physical danger, the body knows how to defend itself.

Everything that I am writing to you here is a thought. Still confused but doing the best that "I" can, or that the thoughts arising can.

Thanks always and warm wishes. Love,

JessicaXXX