Ready for a guide

[tryfailtry]

You certainly understand this intellectually. And seemingly experientially. See if you can find what all these sensations are happening to. What is the protection happening to. Maybe it's just protection doing what it is supposed to do? Does any of this need controlled or a controller to happen? You are doing great. I don't want to fill you will tons of questions we are going to narrow the focus here. Do what comes naturally and see if you can find what's doing it.


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[tryfailtry]

And keep posting as you like. Updates. Whatever comes. It's mutually beneficial to you and outsiders.


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[alexmcca]

This makes no sense, well it does, but I know it misses the entire point ! -- but it is there so strongly... and distracts this process.

The thought that the things in life that I "have to do" (which is a thought again) are the cause of all suffering is SO strong. It is like -- they are so clearly the cause eg: talking to someone that I am very anxious about talking to (this has been a huge belief and not shifted after years of work on myself). It is like I am always checking -- "will this mean I don't have to do that anymore". The thought is accompanied by such strong sensations ..... it is like the only way out of suffering is that this body will never again have to do a) b) or c), with "person" (body) a) b) or c). And keeps looping round ..... and the thought - "no 'self' makes no difference. This body is not safe".

[alexmcca]

Ok... so "who" or what is it that needs the body to be safe....... "who" is it that wants the end to suffering.....

[alexmcca]

Ok.... and next comment!.... clearly the focus here has still been on relieving "Alex's" suffering... trying to make it so that "Alex" now likes the things she didn't like before, or is ok with them. Of course, the point is... Alex isn't real! The story of Alex is exactly the same...she still does not like the same things! it just isn't anything to do with reality ....

It would be like waking up with amnesia and someone Id-ing you as Joe Bloggs who is wanted for murder and has lost all his money. You would probably be upset... you could go to prison.... you can't afford to eat.... etc. Then suddenly they come back and say... that was all true for Joe Bloggs, except they got the spelling wrong and you aren't Joe Bloggs after all.... you are Joe Blog .. and his story is completely different.

[tryfailtry]

There is nothing wrong with stories but try to really see them for what they are. Raise your arm. Put it down. Raise it. Put it down. Are you controlling it? Does the arm not raise when "Alex" isn't there or part of the story. And this suffering. It may or may not go away. Irrelevant at this point. What is suffering? If you could choose your emotions or experiences we'd all probably choose bliss and on the beach or something. See if you can escape this moment. How does one escape?


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[tryfailtry]

You say Ok... so "who" or what is it that needs the body to be safe....... "who" is it that wants the end to suffering..... Excellent. Stay with that. Is it clear?


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[alexmcca]

hello -

no, can't escape this moment. This is all there is. Arm raises with or without 'Alex'.

Yes - I seem to know which questions need to be asked.... hmmm... but it seems still quite intellectual.... I need to look, look.

oh!! wait..... something cleared. This suffering, it was thought of as suffering "then"... "later"... when the "event" would be "happening"... but of course, there is only RIGHT NOW! so of course, all suffering is RIGHT NOW... not LATER!

This is so obvious.... but somehow... seeing it for the first time.

..... back to your questions...

[tryfailtry]

Great! Stay with it. And look at suffering. Does it need the label to be experienced? Is there someone home to be enlightened?


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[alexmcca]

Writing as I go as it may be useful for others as you say.....

Noticed the feeling that was labelled "suffering".... went to "so what is it that wants this suffering to end?".... and got answer... ""I" want it to"... "and what is this "I""... and it was the same feeling .... the "I" and the "suffering" were two labels for the same sensation....

And look at suffering. Does it need the label to be experienced? Is there someone home to be enlightened?

The sensation is there with or without the label. But it is only suffering with the label "suffering"....

Will look more at last question and report in a minute......

[alexmcca]

ok.. I am capturing this right now. I have to admit it is partly as I want to capture it in case it goes away!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! LOL

Fuck. Shit. (sorry!). lol.

Argh - fear this will go away again.

Ok... crap... well... I had been "using" a thought -- "I have to do an appointment tomorrow at 4pm"... in order to trigger the sensation labelled as "suffering". I did that and as I said in the last message.... the same sensation was labelled "suffering" and then also labelled "I" as in - "I want the suffering to end"!

After that, I went back to it again.... that thought.... and the reaction was... "what!? what is tomorrow?....". It was like it couldn't grasp onto anything solid and was just falling away....

Something weird in body too... but keep thinking " what if this is it, and it goes away again...".

Is there someone home to be enlightened?

still can't tell ..... looking

[tryfailtry]

What would do the capturing? :). I have to attend a gathering. But I'll peek in on you. Thinking happens naturally. But there is a noticing that thinking is occurring isn't there? This isn't about adding or taking away it's simply noticing what's going on.


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[tryfailtry]

Laughing is good by the way. :). Quite frankly it's all good isn't it?


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[alexmcca]

Ok... over the last hour things have been shifting more.... in a very good way.

Before I say more about that.... yes, it is like noticing. But "who" or "what" is doing the noticing...
thank you for nudging me again.

And yes, it is all starting to seem good!

[tryfailtry]

Keep looking as you have been. Is there an entity named Alex noticing this stuff or.....?


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