denise is ready

[DianaM]

Good morning Denise,

wow. no, ego/i cannot direct this life if it comes and goes.

YES!! Exactly, that’s the point!!!

life does not need a me to control/direct/choose/do. i kind of know this, though i still don't really get it.
i will LOOK for me today.

Today’s post will help you to look at this.

What did you think about the video about free will? Any comments?

"usually i decide to stand up and walk and then it happens."

Keep observing this during the day and tell me what you notice.

In "my" case i'm guessing the universe thought my job sucked and wanted me to quit but because of all the above mentioned conditioning i didn't.

A complex decision is perfect for looking. Look even closer at the experience of choosing. Not what you think about it or suppose it is, but what is actually there. Break it down, step by step and look what is this decision made of.

To do this take an specific example, it could be to quit or not to quit or any other complex situation. What happened there? You have observed walking in another exercise, describe in detail the process that happened between considering two alternatives and finally staying with one, just as you did with the walking exercise.

I seem to be this resistance and it also seems that 'me' is a conglomeration of habits. I will look at this again today.

I SEEM to be this resistance
it also SEEMS that 'me' is a conglomeration of habits...

Look at this picture:
http://nice-cool-pics.com/data/media/22 ... icture.jpg

Find the black dot :)

[DianaM]

Hi Denise, good afternoon!

How are you doing?
everything ok? :)

Diana

[denise]

hi diana,
got covered up today with paperwork :). i will follow up with you tomorrow.
thanks, denise

[denise]

diana, looks like it may be sunday before i have time to reply.
d

[denise]

Hi diana,
“What did you think about the video about free will? Any comments?”
O yes, the video. It was interesting. I watched the whole show that it was from.

“Keep observing this during the day and tell me what you notice.”
I think I’m going to have waffles and I get up and cook waffles.

“A complex decision is perfect for looking. Look even closer at the experience of choosing. Not what you think about it or suppose it is, but what is actually there. Break it down, step by step and look what is this decision made of. “

“To do this take an specific example, it could be to quit or not to quit or any other complex situation. What happened there? You have observed walking in another exercise, describe in detail the process that happened between considering two alternatives and finally staying with one, just as you did with the walking exercise.”
This is the exercise I’m having trouble with. And oops, company is up. Gotta go for now.
Thanks!

[DianaM]

Hi Denise, glad to read you again!

Looks like you are having a busy week. Take the time you need to answer, but also keep the questions in mind and try the exercises when possible, even when there is no chance to reply.

Did you see the optical illusion i sent in my previous post? did it SEEMED that there were black dots in there? What happened when you looked at them? Could you actually find any black dot in there? How do illusions work?

“A complex decision is perfect for looking. Look even closer at the experience of choosing. Not what you think about it or suppose it is, but what is actually there. Break it down, step by step and look what is this decision made of. “
”This is the exercise I’m having trouble with. And oops, company is up. Gotta go for now.
Thanks!

I will try to explain it in detail, It will be a narration about how this decision happens.

For example:
First I get an uncomfortable emotion about my current job
A thought says that…
Then I see two possibilities…

Look for the thoughts, emotions, physical sensations (if any) and so on until the decision is taken.

See if you can find the exact moment when one option is taken and the other discarded. Look if you can find any decider? Could you locate it? Where? When?

You can look at a few different situations as i described it above before writing about one here, this may bring more clarity.

If you still have doubts just tell me, so i can clear it up for you. Anytime a question is not clear, feel free to ask.

[denise]

Hi Diana,
the optical illusion- yes, i saw the black dots that were not there when i looked directly for them. nice metaphor for ego/i.

denise said: "usually i decide to stand up and walk and then it happens."
diana said: Keep observing this during the day and tell me what you notice.
interesting. when there are more people in the house and more going on "i" seem to be more on automatic pilot, that is less thinking, more action without decision-making obviously happening.

the complex decision process will have to wait until a decision needs to be made about something. i'm no good at re-creating.

thanks diana,
denise

[DianaM]

Hi Denise,

the optical illusion- yes, i saw the black dots that were not there when i looked directly for them. nice metaphor for ego/i.

Exactly, well observed!! What does it mean to see through any illusion? How does it happen?

denise said: "usually i decide to stand up and walk and then it happens."
diana said: Keep observing this during the day and tell me what you notice.
interesting. when there are more people in the house and more going on "i" seem to be more on automatic pilot, that is less thinking, more action without decision-making obviously happening.

Interesting indeed, why is it that sometimes it looks like things are happening automatically and at other moments it seems like there is an "i" doing things? Observe both situations, what is different?

the complex decision process will have to wait until a decision needs to be made about something. i'm no good at re-creating.

YES, i agree. That is the best way to observe: looking at how things happen in the moment and get fresh recent information. No need to re-create.

When i say complex decision there is no need for it to be a life changing situation, only a situation from everyday life that has more elements than observing how walking happens. For example observing how the choice happens between going out on the weekend or staying home.

[denise]

hi Diana,

What does it mean to see through any illusion? How does it happen?

when i looked directly at the black dots they were not there. direct looking revealed the illusion. when an illusion is seen through, then truth is apparent.

why is it that sometimes it looks like things are happening automatically and at other moments it seems like there is an "i" doing things? Observe both situations, what is different?

i saw this morning before i got out of bed that the action happens and THEN the thoughts come. for some reason the thoughts were a little slower this morning and i saw the sequence: action, then thought.
i'm still waiting to have to make a decision-i live a very quiet life mostly, LOL.
but, if i see that i am not the decision maker, then that means all-that-is makes decisions for everyone. why would all-that-is make decisions that are "morally incorrect"?
thanks, denise

[DianaM]

Hi Denise, you've got some very interesting observations here!

when i looked directly at the black dots they were not there. direct looking revealed the illusion. when an illusion is seen through, then truth is apparent.

EXACTLY!! well observed!!! And can you see that the illusion didn't have to fade at all for truth to be revealed? You already saw that the dots are not there when looking directly at them. You only had to see through it. It is the same with any kind of illusion (including the one we're pointing to in this forum).

why is it that sometimes it looks like things are happening automatically and at other moments it seems like there is an "i" doing things? Observe both situations, what is different?

i saw this morning before i got out of bed that the action happens and THEN the thoughts come. for some reason the thoughts were a little slower this morning and i saw the sequence: action, then thought.

Awesome!! The action happens and then the thought start labelling it! that's why the morning is good for looking, everything is slower and you can notice what comes first. Accurate looking!

About the house full of people and many things happening you said that things look like automatically happening. Please look at the two situations again, 1 you are alone with few things happening around 2 many things happen and it's full of people. Where is your attention focused in each situation? When do you notice more thoughts?

i'm still waiting to have to make a decision-i live a very quiet life mostly, LOL.
but, if i see that i am not the decision maker, then that means all-that-is makes decisions for everyone. why would all-that-is make decisions that are "morally incorrect"?

No problem, take your time with the exercise about the decision.

Let's look at these words...
ALL THAT IS

What is all-that-is? ALL, isn't it??

Wouldn't ALL THAT IS include everything? including both "morally incorrect" and the "morally correct", the ying, the yang, the "good", the "bad", "you" and "others" ?
What could be separated from all that is/life/oneness if it is one, if it is all? [/quote]

This is going great!!

[denise]

hi diana,

Please look at the two situations again, 1 you are alone with few things happening around 2 many things happen and it's full of people. Where is your attention focused in each situation? When do you notice more thoughts?

when i am alone i am more aware of what's going on in my head. when others are about and stuff is happening i am in motion more and in thought less.

about the decision making process. today i had to decide while i was out running errands whether to go visit someone. i didn't really want to but i needed to. i was aware of my resistance and the reasons for it...they are not happy to see me, they are not helpful, sometimes they are unpleasant. during a short time i felt ok about going by and reminded myself that it's not always outright unpleasant but i did another errand first and then after that i realized the timing was bad for the visit so i did not go; i thought that i will go tomorrow when i am feeling more neutral about it and i drove past. not sure if this is what u r looking for, lemme know.

Wouldn't ALL THAT IS include everything? including both "morally incorrect" and the "morally correct"

i don't know what to think about this and i don't want to get distracted from our process so i will drop it for now unless you find this useful. thanks for ur answer.
thanks, denise

[DianaM]

Hi Denise!! This is getting more interesting with each post.

when i am alone i am more aware of what's going on in my head. when others are about and stuff is happening i am in motion more and in thought less.

Yes!! Do you see the relation here between the quantity of thoughts and feeling that there is or isn't a "decider" or "doer" character???

More thoughts and more focus in them- An "i" that decides and do things
Less thoughts and less focus in thoughts- things happening automatically.
What's going on here?

Next one:

about the decision making process. today i had to decide while i was out running errands whether to go visit someone. i didn't really want to but i needed to. i was aware of my resistance and the reasons for it...they are not happy to see me, they are not helpful, sometimes they are unpleasant. during a short time i felt ok about going by and reminded myself that it's not always outright unpleasant but i did another errand first and then after that i realized the timing was bad for the visit so i did not go; i thought that i will go tomorrow when i am feeling more neutral about it and i drove past. not sure if this is what u r looking for, lemme know.

Yes, this is exactly what i was looking for, let's take a look...
"today i had to decide" What had to decide? Can you locate the decider in all this that happened? Where and when? Can you find here the exact moment of deciding?

Let's look at these words...
ALL THAT IS

What is all-that-is? ALL, isn't it??

Wouldn't ALL THAT IS include everything? including both "morally incorrect" and the "morally correct", the ying, the yang, the "good", the "bad", "you" and "others" ?
What could be separated from all that is/life/oneness if it is one, if it is all?

i don't know what to think about this and i don't want to get distracted from our process so i will drop it for now unless you find this useful.

Actually i find it useful and relevant at this point of the investigation. Take your time, no rush about it, no need to try to break it down intellectually, sit with those questions and let them sink in, then just wait and observe what comes up and tell me.

[denise]

hi diana,

Yes!! Do you see the relation here between the quantity of thoughts and feeling that there is or isn't a "decider" or "doer" character???

More thoughts and more focus in them- An "i" that decides and do things
Less thoughts and less focus in thoughts- things happening automatically.
What's going on here?

diana, please tell me from your personal experience how choices that are important to you get done in your post-Seeing life. i am having a difficult time understanding (believing?) how your life is generally the way you want it to be if YOU are not making decisions. thanks.
as to your question to me i'm guessing that the decision WAS and then thoughts came that said 'i decided'. and the fewer thoughts there are the less it even seems that "i" decided.

Yes, this is exactly what i was looking for, let's take a look...
"today i had to decide" What had to decide? Can you locate the decider in all this that happened? Where and when? Can you find here the exact moment of deciding?

where and when - i was about to turn the corner when i realized it was a bad time to visit.
it did seem right then as if i decided/realized that as now was a bad time i would not go.

sit with those questions and let them sink in, then just wait and observe what comes up and tell me.

emotion, tears, gratitude in the idea that all is one. but not KNOWING that with all of me.
thanks, denise

[DianaM]

Hey Denise! this was a busy day, finally got some time to answer, i had to divide my answer in two, it got too long, i will address 2 more things from this post tomorrow.

i am having a difficult time understanding (believing?) how your life is generally the way you want it to be if YOU are not making decisions. thanks.

What is this YOU that has a life? What is this ME that has a "post-Seeing life"? Is life separated into little boxes? Are there lives or just life?

"about the decision making process. today i had to decide while i was out running errands whether to go visit someone."

Now you'll see why i asked for a complex decision, you did really well in looking at it!! Let's deconstruct it to see what a decision is made of.

"i didn't really want to but i needed to." ... Resistance and thought
"i was aware of my resistance and the reasons for it" ... Resistance and thought
"they are not happy to see me"
they are not helpful
sometimes they are unpleasant" ... More thoughts, maybe some emotions

"during a short time i felt ok about going by" ... Emotion or feeling
"and reminded myself that it's not always outright unpleasant" ... Thought
"but i did another errand first " ... Action
"and then after that i realized the timing was bad for the visit" ... Thought
"so i did not go" ... Action
"i thought that i will go tomorrow" ... Thought
"when i am feeling more neutral about it" ... Emotion or feeling
"and i drove past." ... Action

Emotions, feelings, resistance, thoughts, actions happening.
we have seen these before, remember? Do you have control over emotions, thoughts or resistance? could you stop this resistance at will, change your thoughts or modify any of the experienced emotions? How do actions happen?

"where and when - i was about to turn the corner when i realized it was a bad time to visit.
it did seem right then as if i decided/realized that as now was a bad time i would not go."

WHAT is this you that decided? Can you find an "i" anywhere in this description? Where?
Is a decider/doer requiered for all these to happen?

[denise]

What is this YOU that has a life? What is this ME that has a "post-Seeing life"? Is life separated into little boxes? Are there lives or just life?

i can't answer these questions yet.

Emotions, feelings, resistance, thoughts, actions happening.
we have seen these before, remember? Do you have control over emotions, thoughts or resistance? could you stop this resistance at will, change your thoughts or modify any of the experienced emotions? How do actions happen?

ah. this was very helpful. thank you. i do not have control over emotion, thought or resistance. today i was doing the deep looking exercise from Ilona's blog and when i notice resistance thoughts and feelings change. action just happens - i have managed to See this once recently.

WHAT is this you that decided? Can you find an "i" anywhere in this description? Where?
Is a decider/doer requiered for all these to happen?

i will get back to you on this, i am looking.
thanks so much - d