An invitation to Beginner

[Ilona]

Great. Now look at the mind. Is there such thing as mind, or is it a label for the stream of thoughts?
What do you see?

[Beginner]

Great. Now look at the mind. Is there such thing as mind, or is it a label for the stream of thoughts?
What do you see?

Hm, when I do not think... there's no mind. There's no thoughts. I don't anything.

Yes, it is a label.

[Ilona]

so is there a you? is there a gate? how does this work?

[Beginner]

so is there a you? is there a gate? how does this work?

Hm, this is difficult.

Is there a you?

Logically - there is not. Me exist as a thought in mind.
Experience - I do not what to do. I never went so far before. I really do not know what to do in my mind right now.

Is there a gate?

What gate?


________________________________
I have additional question - I will have busy day in office. Is it better to continue - next day, with stress-less mind?

[Ilona]

it takes courage to venture further than you ever been before, so keep moving, do not stop here. you say logicaly there is no you, now it's time to see it.

what is your direct experience right now while you typing the answer? notice how thought appears and fingers type, take a look, if there is a thinker, if there is a typer, if there is an experiencer to which this is happening.

take your time and answer this in detail.

[Beginner]

it takes courage to venture further than you ever been before, so keep moving, do not stop here. you say logicaly there is no you, now it's time to see it.

what is your direct experience right now while you typing the answer? notice how thought appears and fingers type, take a look, if there is a thinker, if there is a typer, if there is an experiencer to which this is happening.

take your time and answer this in detail.

Ouu
I'd tried repeatedly to see. Watch myself. And I don't know, maybe I did it wrong.

Is there some article what could help me right now? For this step?

Or, have I write down here, what I'd tried?

[Ilona]

Dear beginner.
It is simpler than you think. Much much much simpler.

What I'm asking you to do is write about your direct experience as it is while you are writing.

What you do instead is go away and think about what you do right or wrong, stop it.

Start typing now, don't over think it, it's really that simple. This waking up is already happening. You just need to notice that which is already obvious. You don't need to read anything more, just dive into your experience and notice what and how it's happening. Right now.

[Beginner]

My hand clicked on the mouse button, for activation "writing column".
My hands are pushing keys on keyboard.
My body is sitting on a chair.

My eyes watch a monitor.

My body moves.

"I'm waiting for something to happened". I don't know what exactly It is. Some breakthrough. But I don't know what exactly.

Is there a watcher? Who can see?
No answer.

Is there a thinker?
No answer.

Is there a judge?
No answer.

Is there a doer?
No answer. But I noticed, that my body act automatically.



Hmmm
What now?

[Ilona]

Examine the ownership:
Is it your body?
Is it your hands,
Are these your eyes?
Is it your keyboard,
Is it your house?

How about a cat or dog? Is there something inside an animal that owns body?

How about a little baby? Is there an owner of life inside it?
When the body was given to you?
What was before you had a body?

Is there an owner at all?

[Beginner]

Examine the ownership:
Is it your body?
Is it your hands,
Are these your eyes?
Is it your keyboard,
Is it your house?

Hmmm yes. It is mine. Until I the day I die, it belongs to me.

How about a cat or dog? Is there something inside an animal that owns body?

Hmmm, can or dog. An animal. I think they are not aware of concept of me. I don't know how to explain. But they just haven't problem with identity at all.

How about a little baby? Is there an owner of life inside it?

A little baby? There is not a concept of "me" installed yet.
An owner of life? Hm, baby is not aware yet. A capacity of intelligence and thinking is not developed yet.

When the body was given to you?

Before birth.

What was before you had a body?

I don't really know. Some energy maybe. This is just guessing.

Is there an owner at all?

Probably is in mind. A developed thoughts about owning = and this is an owner.
I canť tell there's not an owner at all. I don't see that way :(

[Ilona]

very interesting. so you say your body is given to you before birth? and you own it. hmmm...
are you sure? how does this ownership works? can you look right into it and describe how you see it. check, perhaps it's just a story about ownership with no owner to be found...

tell me, what do you know for sure, as in 100 % true.

[Beginner]

very interesting. so you say your body is given to you before birth? and you own it. hmmm...
are you sure? how does this ownership works? can you look right into it and describe how you see it. check, perhaps it's just a story about ownership with no owner to be found...

That's good point.
Okay, I do not "own" my body. BUT I live in my body. Body is like a vehicle. Body belongs to world. And I am something like a driver, or user.
Body was guaranteed. It was given. I am using this body.

tell me, what do you know for sure, as in 100 % true.

Honestly? I am in a bad mental condition. I am not sure by anything. All my success, career, work, money... didn't brought me happiness. This was only one thing, in which I was sure. In other aspects of my life, I had failed. And I wasn't sure at all, I was scared.
And today I am just scared and afraid, about bad future.

[Beginner]

I have a new discover.
I'd read old email correspondence with one liberated friend of mine.
And I wrote to she:
"If I count all my life experiences and my actual situation. There's a lot of problems, I'm stucked. There's no good future for me."

And she answered:
"This tells your ego. Ego have no future because this spiritual way. (ego less state) Ego see no change for survive. This is a good news."

_____________

What if I talk and think from perspective of ego? (I'm asking myself)
What if this is not me, but ego:

"If I count all my life experiences and my actual situation. There's a lot of problems, I'm stuck. There's no good future for me."

But i strongly feel that way. Like this is me. This is my life actual status.

[Ilona]

Ok, so you are the driver of the body. how do you drive it? And more importantly where in the body can you be found? What way do you communicate to the body?

Let's say body gets hungry, how do you know that and how do you control the body to get food? And when yo eat, is there a driver in that action too?


And about ego. Ego is just another word for patterns of thought and behaviour. You can call it a character, like a movie character, that has likes and dislikes.
Is that driver of body is the same driver of ego?
How does it work?

You are going well, just keep digging.

[Beginner]

These are very difficult questions.

Ok, so you are the driver of the body. how do you drive it? And more importantly where in the body can you be found? What way do you communicate to the body?

Yes I'm something like a driver.
How do I drive it? Do you remember the movie "The Terminator"? A body of terminator was made like human's body.
A skeleton was made of metal. And there was a lot of mechanical components. Whole machine was driven by central computer build inside of terminator.
A central computer in human body is in mind. All "wires" go here. What I am is in mind. In brain. It is like an operation system.
What way do I communicate to the body?
It is integrated. An "operation system" is almost "integrated" in body. Body is controlled via nerve system = "wires".

Let's say body gets hungry, how do you know that and how do you control the body to get food? And when yo eat, is there a driver in that action too?

How I know that? I feel that. My body hurts. It is hungry. (And my mind say "I am hungry" because - "I believe I am also body")
Then I go and I get something to eat.
When you eat, is there a driver in that action too?
Hmmmm, it is automatic. I can watch something on laptop and eat. But I am focused on video.

And about ego. Ego is just another word for patterns of thought and behaviour. You can call it a character, like a movie character, that has likes and dislikes.

And Am I this character?

Is that driver of body is the same driver of ego? How does it work?

Hmmmm.
No. Hmmm.
Em it is difficult... The Ego = ME = character = is the driver. And this drives body.