1) Is there a separate entity 'self', 'me' 'I', at all, anywhere, in any way, shape or form? Was there ever?
There is no such entity, nor has there ever been. The idea of a separate self is just that, an idea, a thought.
2) Explain in detail what the illusion of separate self is, when it starts and how it works from your own experience. Describe it fully as you see it now.
The illusion comes from thought. Thoughts arise which attach an "I" to experience. For example breathing happens, and the thought "I breathe" may arise. The same with thinking. a thought may arise, then a second thought taking ownership of the first thought may follow (hope this is clear).
Thoughts identifying particular aspects of experience as distinct entities also create the illusion of a separate self. So a thought naming an object implies an "I" as a subject observing the object. The dissecting of experience into separate parts ("I" included as one of these parts) is an illusion arising from thought.
[3) How does it feel to see this? What is the difference from before you started this dialogue? Please report from the past few days./quote]
It's exciting, fascinating, yes liberating, and yet completely natural. There is true understanding of reality, and many of the teachings which were read on the "search" up until now make perfect sense. It is an insight so basic and obvious, but for many reasons one that can be difficult to see.
The self-referential thoughts continue, but are often short lived. There is greater ease in being with experience as it unfolds, less resistance and fighting what comes. The full range of emotions and sensations still come up, but there is more often a sense of light-heartedness with all that unfolds.
4) What was the last bit that pushed you over, made you look?
The real breakthrough was the realization that the idea of a separate "witness" or experiencer was also just a thought. Then to realize that the body was also just a thought.
5) Do you decide, intend, choose, control events in Life? Do you make anything happen? Give examples from your experience.
There is no "me" to make anything happen. All of these events arise, an inseparable aspect of experience as a whole. Deciding happens, then thoughts arise taking ownership of the decisions. Thought assigns a "cause" to an aspect of experience, but it's all experience, indivisible.
Like typing. Fingers move on the keyboard. Thoughts may arise before, after or during to take ownership of the action, but these are thoughts about the action.
Or when you had asked about your questioning eliciting irritability. That brought about the realization that irritability just arises, it is thought which assigns a cause to that arising.
6) Anything to add?
Simply to express deep and heartfelt gratitude for your guidance and support. What a great ride!
If there is any work that I can do here to help others, p,ease let me know if and when the time is right.
So many thanks and much love,
Adam
