The Gate

Hi Milan"

I am away for a couple of days and didn't realize I left all of my computer cords at home. How exciting to put away most technology for a bit! Im back to 2 finger ipad typing so Sorry for the delay and In advance for any odd typing.


Here goes my answers:

is there a separate entity I, me , anywhere in any form, and was there ever one? any

No. No me now, no me from the very start. Julie is as real as Mickey Mouse.

describe in detail what is the illusion of the separate self

The self is a claiming of the mind that starts around age 2 or3. As experience moves itself as the body functions,, emotions , thought, sensory input, the mind claims it as its originator, and bundles / repackages them to reflect meaning, feeling and a full simulation of experience. Like a pharmaceutical, it can mimic but never be real. It maintains survival by distraction, keeping focus on anything that is not direct experience. My experience was that I was completely full of self, and bypassed the awareness of much of life in this immersion. I see through this self now, and incredibly, still experience that mine point of view often. It's as though each minuscule part of the illusion must be looked at, 'there is no self' isn't enough , at least right now.

how does it feel to see, describe

It feels like freedom, air where there wasn't any, richness. Feelings of joy and love are now in technicolor. Speaking of color, that seems more intense too, like life went into hd. I also feel overwhelmed easily in places with lots of sensory stimulation or people talking, it's hard to have a passing glance at some things as I will get caught up in the smallest flowers or in the scenery; its nearly impossible to do multitasking,my massage work is so much easier just being in experience, and clock time is either passing quickly or not at all. I find i want to just sit and watch things, listen to music or read by myself.

what was the last bit that pushed me over, made me look

Actually it seemed really gradual, subtle. I think I knew it was 'real' when I was answering the round of questions after you said I was looking straight at it and I said I wasn't.

do you decide, intend control or choose events in your life?

No, holy sh*t! This is still stunning. Experience happens and I go with it, am part of it. Amazing. This morning I thought i wanted to stay in bed, and found myself moving, brushing teeth, getting dressed etc, with no thought of I decided, or I'll just do this now. My (used to be hectic) scheduling fills in itself, I am just the receptionist. No more consternation over that! I heard Ilona say thought always follows experience and I've been noticing how doing is happening and then my brilliant mind will say yes that was smart because blah blah blah, claiming why 'I' chose to take 295 instead of 38 and therefore pass the store on the way home, or whatever it is. The
Story fills in after the fact. Choosing is happening, but not by 'me'.

anything to add?

I feel so mixed, alternating between freedom, then ' I ' over the last 2 days. When investigated there is never anything real at the end of the 'I', or the fear, concern, whatever, but the 'I' ness floats in regularly sometimes and almost never at others. The free is natural, no question. I is familiar & compressing, and that feeling moves me into exploring, which generally brings me back to experience and out of thought. What a trip this is!
I am incredibly grateful for your guidance, thank you so much!
Giant hugs,
Julie

Hi Julie,

Thank you for your answers. It all sounds great and I know it is all most likely just the way you use language but I would just like to clarify following:

'there is no self' isn't enough , at least right now.

I know it is most likely just a matter of language but what exactly did you mean by that?

I also feel overwhelmed easily in places with lots of sensory stimulation or people talking, it's hard to have a passing glance at some things as I will get caught up in the smallest flowers or in the scenery; its nearly impossible to do multitasking…

Is this causing any problems? Does that need to be addressed?

Experience happens and I go with it, am part of it.
and
My (used to be hectic) scheduling fills in itself, I am just the receptionist.

What is that “I” that is part of…, what is that “I” that is receptionist? What do you mean when you use words »me«, »myself« and »I« now?

I feel so mixed, alternating between freedom, then ' I ' over the last 2 days.

Again, is that something that causes problems and/or needs to be addressed?

Thank you and kind regards
Milan

Hi Milan!

Sorry for the un clarity!

there is no self' is not enough

That was a part of trying to describe how many aspects of thought/illusion has had to get examined, piece by piece , (this fear, that expectation, that claiming)rather than a general all encompassing (such as THERE IS NO SELF)knowing of its all illusion.

the overwhelmed easily, hard to multi task part

Not causing problems, just very different perspective. Some is quite amusing.

experience happens and I go with it, am part of it...... schedule fills itself in, i am the receptionist
what is the I part, how am I using I, me, my now....

I , me, my now means what is coming through/from the view of what is typing, looking,breathing, moving. used to be separate self. I don't know of another way to communicate. The receptionist just meant to exemplify that experience was doing the scheduling & making things happen, 'I' just take note of it (like typing about it now) Probably not a great analogy. Hope it's coming through anyhow.

i feel so mixed, alternating between freedom and 'I'

not a problem, it's just what was happening then.

I hope this covered everything you were checking on.
It's generally been an amazing experience, what a great feeling to have so much freedom, today was spectacular. Such gratitude for your guiding this process!
Thanks,
Julie

Hi Julie,

Thanks for your clarifications. I will invite some guides to look at our thread and get back to you soon.

Kind regards
Milan

Hi Julie,

There were two questions by other guides. If you could please provide further clarification, that would be great.

"the 'I' ness floats in regularly sometimes".

Is this floating 'I' ness ever a REAL self? When it floats in or out is it an entity in reality?

"there is no self' is not enough".

Not enough for what? Do you feel you need to keep looking at every aspect of Julie-ness? Are there any doubts that the illusion has been seen? What expectations do you have that have not been met?

Thank you so much and kind regards
Milan

Hi Milan!

These two questions run together. The me-ness that floats in isn't an entity of reality. I definitely see that. sometimes i notice there is a feeling to prove 'my ' point, or burdened by the responsibility placed on 'I', or the thought loop that 'I' would know everything all the time if there really was a true seeing.

These thoughts do not stay away because 'I' saw through the illusion of self. there is no worry about them when reality is experienced, but sometimes I do find that feel chatting,poking, challenging going on.

Sometimes it dissolves into nowhere, other times' I "look deeper into that exact thread to see what the reality is. Is the latter a process that happens for you?

Thank you Milan & guides!
Julie

Hi Julie,

Sorry for the delay. I'm still waiting for feedback from one of the guides who asked a question. He is travelling at the moment and has only access to Internet from time to time. I'll get back to you soon.

Kind regards
Milan