Hi Vivi,
an acquaintance of mine gave me a profound insight that kind of helped me to get a better direct experience of what thoughts, feelings etc. are. The quote in essence is this: "there is no matrix. there is no us. just the consciousness and the things that are happening inside our heads. nothing exists outside our consciousness."
well there is no behind - can a 'behind' be found in direct experience? All there is is experience and there is such a habit of explanations, reasons, causes. None of which can be found in Direct experience - check it ;)
This is what I have been doing daily, whenever it occurs to do so. And I agree, I can't find them in direct experience, they are just headless thoughts. As a matter of fact, the experience is kind of disillusioning.
1) Is there a separate entity 'self', 'me' 'I', at all, anywhere, in any way, shape or form? Was there ever?
I seem to be unable to find any, there is just "beingness" that is one with all there is.
2) Explain in detail what the illusion of separate self is, when it starts and how it works from your own experience. Describe it fully as you see it now.
Like when the baby is born, it has no separate self or I, it simply is, experiences and little by little we are being told you are your body, name, conditions of life, circumstances. We are taught things and alinate from the true beingness. In my own experience, it has worked so that I thought that there is a me who learns things, who either succeeds or fails, this me decides what I will do with my life etc. etc. Earlier also so that I am this body and that consciousness is my thoughts and feelings.
3) How does it feel to see this? What is the difference from before you started this dialogue? Please report from the past few days.
When I embarked on this journey, I had already a some sort of "mental grasp" in literate sense about it.. but this process of direct experiencing / looking has liberated something -- and it is kind of peaceful feeling. Of course, it was a bit of shock that there is no reality to separate I or that choices are not real. I must say I did have a cow with that part...
Actually, I have no special feeling about it - it just is. Feelings come and go, just as thoughts. Problems and life's seeming events are like modules that may come but they don't get identified to any false separate I or me.
4) What was the last bit that pushed you over, made you look?
Actually, the last bit was the quote I included in the beginning. It clicked something and cracked me like "WOW". I don't know why. Doesn't matter. What matters is that it helped.
5) Do you decide, intend, choose, control events in Life? Do you make anything happen? Give examples from your experience.
My experience is that there is a fine line between what is story and what is real. Honest answer to the question is that when I look in DE to intentions, they seem to be a part of the story. What is there to make happen or do or to control? All that I can say is real is the being, something is. But I might need to explore this further, if you can help me to make sure I have got it right, please.
6) Anything to add?
Only the last question in the response to your question #5.
Greetings!
-sami
