I can see that most of my choices are automatic and need no "self" or "I" to function or occur. They just happen, maybe as the result of pre-conscious "automatic" mental processes. I can accept this intellecually and it appears to be true within my experience.
Question: Is there doubt or unclarity that in all these cases the ‘self’ is nothing other than a mental fabrication?
No. I am very clear that the “self” is mental fabrication, a fiction in most of these cases. I still struggle with the notion of choice and find it hard to completely let go the notion of a “self” that makes decisions. For example, my wife and I had to decide upon our daughter’s school. This was not an easy process, fraught with anxiety and tension as we both held strong views about what we considered important in education. Why if there is no self do I feel so strongly about such things???
In the first quote above you say that you accept that choices (and presumably decisions, as they are essentially no different) just happen, to use your excellent phrase, as the result of pre-conscious "automatic" mental processes and they appear to be true within my experience. However, in the second quote you indicate that, although you can see that there is no self in any other areas of you life at all, you still have some doubts when it comes to choices/decisions that are emotionally charged. In the third you are far more general saying, I feel there is still an ability to choose or discriminateI still feel there is an ability to choose between this or that. Many of my choices are automatic, I can see that, but I feel there is still an ability to choose or discriminate.
First, can I ask you to have a look at the following short video clip from BBC Horizon - The Secret You on Neuroscience and Freewill: http://www.liberationunleashed.com/LU_R ... ading.html . It demonstrates scientifically that our decisions and choices are made a full 6 seconds before we think we make them, i.e. before a thought arises saying, "I decided to do this." There is no substitute for looking in direct experience, but this is excellent scientific corroboration for what is to be found, or rather not found, in direct experience. Moreover, this is fundamental and I don't think it can only apply to certain decisions and choices but not others, say, those that are more complex or emotionally charged!
Correct me if I'm wrong, but it seems to be in situations where emotionally charged decisions are in point that some difficulty arises. This is much the same as other situations where anger, fear or other difficult emotions are involved, when you, I and probably most other people pre or post gate tend towards selfing. It's just "being able" to see the afterthought such as, "I hate you" or "I'm really worried this will go wrong" as just that, with no reality or truth in direct experience. It seems that in your memory of the decision that you had to make for your daughter's schooling, and I can't know how long ago that was or any details, you are conflating the difficult decision with the understandable anxiety and tension, possibly anger and confusion, that you felt at the time. Also, having reached the decision, you then had to discuss this with your wife who you say had made a different choice. The point is selfing, a proliferation of I-thoughts after emotion is felt in the body, producing a strengthened, but false sense of "I", occurs in such tense situations. The decisions just happen, as do the emotions.
You talk about struggling with the notion of choice, that you feel there in an ability to choose, but these are just more thoughts, arising without a thinker, as you well know. It's as if the mind is throwing all of this up in a last gasp to stop you from fully seeing. All you can do, all you need to do, is to look again when choices and decisions are made and see if at the moment of choice any separate entity, the self, steps up to do the deed; or is there merely a thought that fraudulently claims the credit? What can thoughts do? Anything? Try this particularly when there's some feeling or emotion involved and look for a self there as well. Is there an "I" anywhere?
To finish, I'll repeat the paragraph from my previous post, because the point I'm making is so crucial.
I just need to strongly stress to you that seeing clearly that there is no self and accepting that, in the same way that you accept that Santa doesn't exist, is completely independent of, and unconnected to, whether or not you still experience anger, doubt etc. Such feelings and thoughts are only relevant in this context if you give them credence as real and true, believing that they are created by/part of "you", and so allowing them to function as a distraction from actually seeing.
Any comments?
Once these outstanding doubts are seen through, we can move towards the final questions.
Lots of love,
Pete