1) Is there a separate entity 'self', 'me' 'I', at all, anywhere, in any way, shape or form?
Was there ever?
No, none that is discernible..no where... no shape... no form... can't see/find any.
There isn't now and never was and never will be.. there is no where for it to come from...
The self or 'I' is a label that is applied to the perception of 'reality'.. the label is given to us as children. It 'sticks', and thoughts and stories stick to it, building up a story of 'self' over a lifetime. A story full of labelled good and bad and indifferent thoughts.2) Explain in detail what the illusion of separate self is, when it starts and how it
works from your own experience. Describe it fully as you see it now.
It works as a way of making life personal - or having a perception of somehow having some control or owning it. This layering of 'personal thoughts' from experience leads to scenarios where experiences can cause hurt to this built up 'self'. This sense of control is exiting when life is going 'well' and frustrating when 'things' don't go, as 'expected'.
How I see it now is that we can have thoughts and plans and ideas and these may manifest .. and they may not - much like having the idea to choose a pen.. one may be chosen or the other .. or neither.... anything is possible..
But there is no 'I' coming up with these thoughts, plans and ideas... perception is just along for the ride! The idea of this realisation initially seemed like a restriction and a lack of control but now it is feeling more and more like a big relief, freedom and ... permission to just enjoy living.
Life feels somehow easy and simple. : )3) How does it feel to see this? What is the difference from before you started this
dialogue? Please report from the past few days.
There is no difference in any aspect of life and living, perception doesn't feel any different. The same thoughts are arising... random silly thoughts, comments on people on the street, still uncertainties, judgements all still arising like before but ... with just less 'stickiness' in them. They don't 'stick' to the 'I' with the same urgency. The feeling is the same as watching the swans and cygnets in the park. The feeling is the same as seeing life unfolding in living forms all around.
There is a doubt that this feeling today is temporary - but at the same time there hasn't been a change at all... its just feels like having slightly upgraded glasses ; ) and even if I go back to my old glasses what's been seen can't be unseen.
A few things: watching the swans, looking at nature and 'trying to choose between two pens: sitting in work staring at two pens laughing at how hilarious it was to see that the chosen pen was a big surprise... a magic trick! Still feeling like there are many more layers .. that this is just the beginning of a new way of seeing life.4) What was the last bit that pushed you over, made you look?
No... there is the impression, the illusion that 'we are in control' and we must even work hard to maintain it! This illusion of control is like trying to trap shadows or the wind: it is images, sensations but is not based in reality.5) Do you decide, intend, choose, control events in Life? Do you make anything
happen? Give examples from your experience.
It feels like 'I' make things happen: like cycling, making dinner, painting.. e.g. when cycling through the city, the twist and turns and nuances of cycling and balancing are all just happening.. All decisions, intentions, choices and ideas about control originate as thoughts... popping up from nowhere.
6) Anything to add
Life is a trip! Its really fun and quite hilarious.. and so precious and rich. Its such an incredible gift: the smells, the sounds..music, dancing... tastes, sensations ... all being presented in consciousness... like a grand performance, and we have front row seats.
Feeling like there are more questions to answer...
Thank you Nina for your gentle guidance.
Love
