Dear Paulo,
Thanks for the questions....gives me something to write about. ;)
Is there a separate entity 'self', 'me' 'I', at all, anywhere, in any way, shape or form? Was there ever?
No. Self is a word, a concept that doesn’t actually point to anything. It’s a label for a concept, not a thing.
Explain in detail what the illusion of separate self is, when it starts and how it works. Describe it fully as you see it now.
It starts with a thought and remains as thoughts. The illusion only exists as a thought. It’s hard to conjure it up right now! A thought arises that takes a position of a “me”, then other thoughts follow using the same premise. And then they’re gone and there’s no illusion. And what I am never changed, never moved.
How does it feel to see this? What is the difference from before you started this dialogue? Please report from the past few days.
It feels calm, free of tension, more alert, interested in life but not grasping. It feels alive, bright, sensual. Before, even though I had realized there was no self at some level, I couldn't see the "I" being created by thought. It was as if the "I" was before thought. Now I see that what I am is truly before thought, but there is no separate self there. Now there is everything, the thoughts and everything else that arises. All of it. Just no one having an experience. I've become a verb and not a noun.
How would you describe it to somebody who has never heard about this illusion but is curious about it.
I don’t know if I would start describing this to anyone right now. It’s hard to describe the most ordinary view of reality. I would instead ask people to look again at what they think they “are”. Look and keep looking, turn over all your assumptions. Forget about concepts and mental processing, and look at your thoughts, look at what you think a self is. Just look. Find what is thinking. Pull back the curtain and find the wizard pulling the levers. Reality is already present. You can’t miss it if you REALLY look.
What was the last bit that pushed you over, made you look?
Confronting the doubt. Since I couldn’t “analyze” the doubt with a mind I had to get up close to it. It felt like facing it in a tangible way, coming face to face with it and just standing there. When I finally had the courage to do that, it was immediately obvious what it was – it was an illusion! There was nothing there. It was as if something flipped and perception changed. I laughed a lot that day….
Do you decide, intend, choose, control events in Life? Do you make anything happen? Give examples from your experience.
No. I engage, play, respond, create, be in Life. I don’t “make” things happen, but I am in the flow of what’s happening. If anything, I have noticed in just the last few days that I can’t plan – planning requires buying into made up ideas about what’s going to happen in the future. I think this is just a newness, but I am curious how this works. Ideas about what to do, what I could do, just arise – I can’t control them and I can’t make them happen. If they’re not there, I can’t pretend. Seems like maybe there’s a new level of awareness that needs to be explored, a kind of intuitive sense that guides.
Do you have anything to add?
There really is a gateless gate. You can’t not know. In fact, it’s not even knowing anymore, it just is. Lovely to have one’s mind blown to smithereens…. 8)
with infinite gratitude,
Cynthia