The Gate

Laughter. How would you expect me to write anything that isn't thoughts? :D

Yes, it's all thoughts. sometimes they make me feel bad. ok, let's say, sometimes they make my body feel bad. :) thoughts suck. at one point i found that there is no truth it thoughts. they change all the time, there is no permanency. i want permanency. ok, i would prefer. but there is no way out. and i dont know the way in. and yes, they all are thoughts too. i dont know how it works. :D

Right!

How can it be your body, when you do not exist?

Directly experienced: in this instant, with as little assumptions as possible. How do you experience body?

greetings Vivi

>How can it be your body, when you do not exist?

that's also a good question. it probably doesnt, but it seems real to me.

>Directly experienced: in this instant, with as little assumptions as possible. How do you experience body?

i dont know. i don't? i feel something in some places, e.g. when i'm sitting in a wrong posture.

Hi Kaspars

Thoughts as a 'label machine' are always very busy naming any experience good, bad, strong, hurt, nice, mine etc.

Sit in a chair, eyes closed. Set those labels aside. Set aside what you assume, believe, have ever heard, learned, read etc. There is only NOW. No past, no future.

Do you experience sitting in a chair?
Do you experience sitting?
Do you experience a body? If yes, how do you experience the borders between body and not body.
Do you experience sensations without locations?

greetings Vivi

>Do you experience sitting in a chair?

no

>Do you experience sitting?

no

>Do you experience a body? If yes, how do you experience the borders between body and not body.

i experience body as a single dot of sensation, one at a time, there is no shape. there seem to be no borders between body and non-body in the experience.

>Do you experience sensations without locations?

i can experience sensations without a location, but only for a bit, then mind seems to kick in and add a location.

Hi Kaspars

How is the answer to the initial question in this thread, from experience:

I do see that "I" doesn't refer to anything that is by itself, yet for me it refers to this body and the mind. the image i see in a mirror. mind or thoughts is somehow designed to protect the body as good as it can. so it is a part of "me" - isn't it?

Greetings Vivi

the thought "i" doesnt refer to anything. but there is a pull into it. into living "the story". the story is begging to be lived, sometimes very strongly.

the image in the mirror is that of the body, it has nothing to do with the "I" to which thoughts refer to, that i doesnt exist, i can feel this. maybe there is some other "i" im not sure about that. :)

the rest can not be said for sure. there is still wondering, how does thoughts im aware of know to label this experience and not someones else's experience - i dont hear it saying "f%#k my finger hurts", when it happens to "someone else". there is still this idea of separation - when my foot is hurt, when my finger is hurt, etc. the fact that looking from inside i cant see the body, doesnt seem to make me able to walk on water, which should be the case if i dont exist and everything is just a game of "believing". i still wonder how believing happens. what is the act of believing? i can describe it, but i dont seem to be able to catch it. not sure if this is even important, just more noise.

there is a strong seeing that there is absolutely no evidence that i actually exist. at all. i cant explain this. it has been getting stronger. i do not understand the ones(famous masters) saying that "i exist is the basic premise", i don't see it to be true, for some weird reason.

Could it be that you do not exist as a personal 'I'

Do not answer from thought.

Check it in direct experience.

Question is: *When there is no personal I, what am I?'

Greetings Vivi

>Could it be that you do not exist as a personal 'I'

no there is no personal "i".
i dont see any evidence - outside of thought and assumptions - that i exist at all.

>Question is: *When there is no personal I, what am I?'

i dont think there is "i" in that what i am.
i dont see it
i think it has to be shown, i cant see it by myself.

Hi Kaspars

Look into experience. Can you find and experiencer? Any borders between what is experienced and what is experiencing?

greetings Vivi

>Look into experience. Can you find and experiencer?

no, there is no experiencer. its illogical but there doesnt seem to be one.

>Any borders between what is experienced and what is experiencing?

there is only experience. but i cant explain it. its burried under thoughts, under even minimalistic labeling. its almost always burried.

Hi Kaspars

Great observations!

i dont think there is "i" in that what i am.

Look into this now, is there an 'I' in that what you are?
What are you?

warm regards
Vivi

>Look into this now, is there an 'I' in that what you are?

no there doesnt seem to be I in that what i am.

>What are you?

i do not know. i think i'm a string instrument :)

FYI. i'll be traveling from 21st-24th and i might not be able to write anything during this time.

It's really good talking to you. I enjoy the questions you ask. Thank you for taking your time! :)

Hi Kaspars

So you think you are a string instrument, yes why not :)

Do you feel anything missing in seeing there is no I?

Greetings Vivi - enjoying too

I would like to find out what is "this". what am i :) I don't know what else. I seem to be on track... that goes absolutely nowhere, because there is no thinking touched...