I can't quite get "there"

[jeffdilbeck]

Did I get it all?

;)

Thoughts are not me. I don't know who me is. I don't know what does the looking. I understand telling my mind to shut up is like fighting fire with fire cause that's why it answered with, "you shut-up!".

So you see that thoughts are on automatic, but isn't the thought "this thinking right here sucks" also a thought?

Let's look at thoughts:

I have a head, it has an ache.

Which is true?

Where does the I return to when head hurting gets pushed aside for another louder sensation?

In a sense one could say also that telling the mind to shut up, is like fighting dirt with dirt, or cake with cake, or milk with milk, or hair with hair. It is a thought against a thought. Is it true? What is the source of a thought?

These are both thoughts, no?

Look deeply in your experience of being. There are senses happening. There is a real mind, brain, body. Thoughts are arising. Is there an I here? Is there a manager of this experience of *you*.

What in the totality of experience can *you* take credit for? What have *you* ever done?

[cummins55]

"Today is the day the Lord has made and I shall rejoice and be glad in it?" Words that go thru my head every morning. Happy Monday to you Mr. Dilbeck. I just wanted to stop and say thank you. I really look forward to these questions. It really makes me look and see. I feel calmer. AND I'm ok with not having to read or watch spiritual stuff. BUT I have been wanting to read stuff here and the book I got from here.
So on with it.
Any thing that has to do with the body is a happening. Thinking and moving, aching are all happening. Experiencing is happening too. I claim to make decisions and choices, but I is mind claiming victory and blame over all of this.
Something is experiencing all of it. Linda is, I am, me. I feel it, hear it and I'll talk about it. It's like I'm a tree and all 4 seasons are happening. People are happening, they put stuff on me, take stuff off me. But I'm still a tree, standing in the weather. Letting it all be. There's no credit to take for the kind of tree I am. Nature is the manager of all of it.
If I try to fight everything happening. I'm loud and puffed up. Or pride in reverse, I'd be martyr, victim. I'd beat the drum of all of that.
Now where am I in subtler ways? I'm here because I want to wake-up from the dream of thinking I'm more that a tree cause I don't like my fruit. I've been trying and trying to change my fruit and can't. Somewhere I found out I can accept my fruit and I'm not responsible for the fruit I bear. Furthermore the fruits not real and if I can experience all that and really, REALLY know it. I'd be a better tree. That kinda sounds crazy.

[jeffdilbeck]

Are you sure that it is Linda, the that which is experiencing things happening?

What is Linda?

Look into experience, and explain how things happen to *you*.

[cummins55]

There is no Linda. Mind claims dominance over the "I" by perception. Perception of struggle or victory over experiences. Experiences are percieved. Identity of Linda is maintained by experiences the mind interprets to Linda. Who is not there.

[jeffdilbeck]

Wow. Ok. :)

Sounds good. :)

Has a shift occurred? How is direct experience of life? Is there any separation in Life?

[cummins55]

I don't know.
But since these inquiries, I see the futility of working to see something what is already here. Something that never happened, it always was. I feel better. Life is in session and I'm not struggling with it. I believe there is a seperation. Because I don't know what non-duality is to experience. How would that be percieved. How should experiences be percieved if there was a shift?

[jeffdilbeck]

Your last entry made me believe you have seen through the illusion of the separate I.

This most recent entry makes me ask you this:

What is the separation that you believe?

[cummins55]

Stories of feeling one with everything. The seperation I believe is not feeling one with everything. I heard it was a very big feeling.

[jeffdilbeck]

Thanks for the clarification.

:)


There is a HUGE difference between intellectual discernment and actual SEEING.

Try this:

Look at the feeling of I am. Notice how the mind puts all these labels on this experience. Constantly re-establishing connection to body, thoughts of experiences, etc.

Look deeply into the sensation of just being.
Spend some time with that.

Then look for a sense emptiness.

Notice the lack of a perceivable border between inside and out as you Look.

Notice that looking doesn't happen from anywhere in particular.

You may notice something extremely warm or very cold.

Try to see what isn't made out of 'this'.

Let me know what is discovered. :)

[cummins55]

I knew I knew it. But I didn't KNNNNNOOOOOOOOOW it. I mean I can feel what is implied, it's subtle. I feel warmth a hum. I often feel contraction in my solar plexus. I have a very difficult time with not seeing with my eyes. It's all infront of me. When my eyes are closed it's in front of me. What is "this". I'm the body

[cummins55]

I'm IN the body. I feel a sensation on my face. and What is "this"?

[jeffdilbeck]

Please describe in direct experience what leads you to say that *you* are in the body.

[cummins55]

Once in a while I feel like I'm walking around with the body. Sometimes when I meditate I have a sensation of being a little aside from the body.
You asked me to look for the emptiness. I have experienced the sensation of Being. I have never experienced the sensation of emptiness. Looking, for me, come out my eyes, even when they're closed but when I look closer I start to notice dimension.
When I say I'm in the body, I mean, I'm anchored there. Perhaps since the mind labels these experiences I'm percieving it that way.
I took the night from class for son-in-law's birthday. I'm going to spend time in quiet and notice emptiness and, that looking doesn't happen from anywhere in particular.

[jeffdilbeck]

Notice also if there is a true border of experience while looking.

[jeffdilbeck]

When I say I'm in the body, I mean, I'm anchored there. Perhaps since the mind labels these experiences I'm perceiving it that way.

You are right on the money with the mind doing what it is supposed to do with the labels. It is giving you a my cup instead of just a cup. It's like this: This is a my face sense, instead of a this face sense.

Listening to your sentence made me think of those movies where people switch bodies. For clarification, if I knew a Shaman who could, for example, switch you with someone else, what would happen when *you* entered their body? Would you know you were there? Or would any change even be noticed? Is any data stored in a ghost that doesn't exist? In that context, what ARE *YOU*, if anything at all? FEEL into this.

Something to keep in mind is that no one's experience is going to be your experience. No one has the same awakening. There may be similar things in some awakenings, but finding out that the self is just an illusion doesn't guarantee fireworks.