And again for Ilona

[Alexey Manukhov]

Well, when this is seen, there are no feelings, no subject, who can feel, just the reality. But then thoughts come back and try to take me back to the dream. Some worry appears and thought "Is that it? Its's not enough" takes place.

[Ilona]

Hm. You say thoughts come and try to take me back into dream. Let's look closer here. Without thoughts there is no dream, it's raw experiencing. Then thoughts come and what happens? Is it not part of experiencing? Is there a me outside thoughts? If no, then how can thoughts take this me anywhere?

Look at thought me. Is it a special thought? Is it a centre thought around all thoughts spin? Can you see that thoughts come One after another one at a time? Me is part of this stream. The thought me is not a me, but only a thought. Can you see that? You don't need to get rid of thought, just see that me points to nothing perceivable, only other thoughts about character alexey- it is part of labelling process. It is practical to use this word in conversation. Instead of saying alexey, we use the pronouns, I , me. Is alexey an entity that can be sucked up in a dream or is it a dream that it can?

Write what comes up.

[Alexey Manukhov]

When thoughts come, some customary patterns of identification take place. This is what I call a dream. This effect becomes weaker gradually, but it still happens. But after that awakening takes place and I see that there is no me, just thoughts about it. They are just common thoughts, like any other, they come and go. It becomes easier not to step after some obsessions. But this new state is rather strange - it's like a prostration or a dead end. Some strong emotional states come from time to time, but I don't care and they go away rather fast. It's seen that "I" can't be sucked up anywhere. But there is a feeling that something is missed, something isn't complete. And I don't believe in this feeling. I try to overview all strong beliefs and put them in doubt.

[Ilona]

Sounds that you are right at the gate, one leg crossed, but still hesitating with another.

What is missing?- nothing. Perhaps there is fear or some uninspected expectation. Take a look and write what you see. Keep digging till its all clear.

[Alexey Manukhov]

Yes, there is an expectation of some special effects and some new state... I understand that it's a mistake, but these thoughts come back from time to time.

[Ilona]

There is no new state and no sonic boom or super shiny bleep. No lights are gonna flash in your eyes.
So don't wait for it. It is a process that has been happening for a while. Notice that.

And these thoughts about the special state- are they not just passing by just like other thoughts?
The answer is not in the thoughts. It's in seeing. In recognition that there is nothing to understand. It's already all as it always is and will be. Simple.

Is there anything that is missing right now? thoughts that something need to happen in the future are only thoughts about fictional future. See what is here that is incomplete.

What do you you find?

[Alexey Manukhov]

Yes these beliefs about incompleteness of me and my life, thoughts about my non-enlightened reactions are just thoughts and beliefs. They are like any other thoughts. As for this moment and its characteristics, it can't be discribed because there is no external witness, who could do it.

[Alexey Manukhov]

Yes these beliefs about incompleteness of me and my life, thoughts about my non-enlightened reactions are just thoughts and beliefs. They are like any other thoughts. As for this moment and its characteristics, it can't be discribed because there is no external witness, who could do it.

[Ilona]

nice. so all the beliefs and problems are only thoughts about stuff. not reality.
how does it feel to see this?

[Alexey Manukhov]

Well... It's absolutely natural feeling, but without endless critical thoughts and fears about future and people's opinions. Nothing changed in the picture that is seen. Any thought come and go without staying on and being in special focus of attention.

[Ilona]

sounds good. can you say that shift has happened?

[Alexey Manukhov]

Something shifts in any moment - it's a natural attribute of the reality, so it's hard to say anything about shift that is known only theoretically - there is no more confidence to such kind of knowledge. It's seen that something has changed radically, but there is no knowledge about it.

[Ilona]

That is exactly what I'm asking- the feeling that something changed radically. Can you go into more detail. What happened, how, what is different. Was there a turning point?

[Alexey Manukhov]

The main thing was a termination of a powerful efforts to keep the "correct" state and way of thinking. Then there was a dive into your question about completeness of this moment. When I tried to do it, thoughts stopped and completeness itself came. Then I noticed an advertisement with the text: "Catch the outgoing summer" and started laughing loudly, because it seemed so absurdly. Who could catch it and what should be caught?..
And other moment was an oprise of an inner permission for any thought to come without any criticism. It's like an appearance of clouds on the sky - why don't they fly?

[Ilona]

Brilliant, thank you. Tell me, are you ready for final questions? If not, what is still in the way?