The Gate

Nothing changes, but everything is different.

What are your expectations for a shift?

Look at that thought (that there should be one) with the same scrutiny you’ve applied to every other “I” thought.
What is it comparing this moment to?

For some it is a big bang, for others seeing feels rather obvious on the other side.
And life goes on…

As you say

Just the:
Seeing
Hearing
Feeling
Without the “I”

If an illusion falls in the forest does it make a sound? :D

Let me also ask: Is seeking present?

Nothing changes, but everything is different.

That’s the thing, while I have moments of insight- I don’t think everything is different. Small steps? I feel less clinging to that I and more aware of just experiencing, but not completely not always.

What are your expectations for a shift?

I don’t know, more consistent feelings of whatever experience? I can’t say I’m constantly labeling now. I guess I’m still thinking there should be some kind of ahh moment…
That things should seem/feel different? I’ve heard it described as losing your equilibrium, having the rug puout, no center, etc. I don’t have any thing like that…

Look at that thought (that there should be one) with the same scrutiny you’ve applied to every other “I” thought.
What is it comparing this moment to?

Does the I completely drop away? Isn’t that moment different than the one after? Wouldn’t it appear different than the moment before, no I ? It seems like it would. Is it so subtle or slow it is unnoticeable until one day you wake up and the I is just gone? How is that seen? I feel like it should be very obvious and not confusing or questionable. Am I wrong?

For some it is a big bang, for others seeing feels rather obvious on the other side.

But there should be at least a shift in perspective? I guess I still feel like I’m missing something.

I thoughts will continue to arise, but they are seen through and have no center of gravity. Santa Claus is not believed in any more.

That is the shift in perspective.

You’ve already reported many times that when you investigate, the thought “I” does not point to anything you can actually find.

What happens when you look right now?

I feel like it should be very obvious and not confusing or questionable

What tells you that?
Is that coming from direct experience?
Or is it another thought about what awakening is supposed to look like?

What exactly is it that still says, “I’m missing something”?

Get a sheet of paper and draw a line that divides that sheet in half. Label one half 'self' and the other side 'other'. Sit down and start a timer for 5 minutes. Every time you have a thought make a mark on the sheet. If that thought is about the self put a mark on the self side, if it’s about something else, mark the other side. If a thought about food occurs due to feeling hungry, mark that on the self side. Any thought that refers back to a self should go on the self side. (I'm bored, I'm tired, is the door locked (my safety) that video was funny (I was amused), my back hurts, I am frightened) get it?

Let me know how you go and what you notice.

What happens when you look right now?

There are thoughts, sensations and feelings, but I don't find a separate entity.

What tells you that?
Is that coming from direct experience?
Or is it another thought about what awakening is supposed to look like?

t is just anecdotes and books that I've read that indicated to me that it would be more obvious to me. It is not direct experience. As direct experience, I don't find an I, nor do I even feel the same type of attachment to this idea of an I that I had when we started this process.
Yes, it is just another thought about how awakening should look. That question made me laugh.

What exactly is it that still says, “I’m missing something”?

It is just thoughts that arise telling me that there is something missing that there must be something more.

Let me know how you go and what you notice.

It started out with number of tic marks on the self side, but by the end kind of evened out. When I thought about it, I still refer to "I" for example "I'm tired, or I want to go to bed, etc." But when I look for that I, I don't find it. I'm guessing this is habit?

Take care,
Erin

There are thoughts, sensations and feelings, but I don't find a separate entity.

Notice that this isn’t something you arrived at once. It has been your answer over and over, from many different directions.

When I thought about it, I still refer to "I" for example "I'm tired, or I want to go to bed, etc." But when I look for that I, I don't find it. I'm guessing this is habit?

Let’s not guess. Let’s look!

A thought appears: “I’m tired.”

Without changing the sentence, where is the “I” it refers to?

Is there anything besides:
* tiredness,
* perhaps heaviness in the body,
* the thought itself?

Can you find the owner of the tiredness? Or is there simply tiredness?

The language still works perfectly well. We all say “I’m hungry” or “I’m going to bed.” The question has never been whether the language disappears. The question is whether the word “I” ever points to a separate entity.

Does this word ‘I’ or its relation ‘me’ point to an actual separate entity right now, or is it simply a convenient label?

Is there a sense of self that still lingers? If so where is it located or how is it known?

Hi Becca,

Without changing the sentence, where is the “I” it refers to?

I feel like I'm back at the start trying to find the "I." I feel even more lost now. I'm not my body. I'm not a separate entity within my body or my mind. I feels like a substantial thing, but I cannot find it when I look for it. It is an illusion composed of memories and thoughts and feelings.

Can you find the owner of the tiredness? Or is there simply tiredness?

When I say "I" am tired the "I" seems like the owner, but when I look deeper, it is just the tiredness then the label "I'm" tired, but the I comes with some kind of feelings of ownership not just tiredness. Funny really, I hadn't noticed that before.

Does this word ‘I’ or its relation ‘me’ point to an actual separate entity right now, or is it simply a convenient label?

It doesn't point to a separate entity. I feel like I'm still trying to drop the "I".

Is there a sense of self that still lingers? If so where is it located or how is it known?

Yes, there is a sense of self that still lingers. I does feel substantial. I'm starting to think that's what you meant by a separate entity? Now I'm wondering if I never really understood that question. Maybe I've misunderstood it all along. I feel like I'm going backwards. I can't figure out what the I is. It's crazy making.

Confused again...
Erin

When I say "I" am tired the "I" seems like the owner, but when I look deeper, it is just the tiredness then the label "I'm" tired, but the I comes with some kind of feelings of ownership not just tiredness. Funny really, I hadn't noticed that before.

Very good, Erin. This is looking.

Now, what specifically are these ‘feelings of ownership’? Look one lager deeper.

I feel like I'm going backwards.

Let’s say that you have lost your keys and you swear that you left them in your coat. You go to look and check all the pockets… ——> the keys are not there. You swear they must be as that was the last place you remember them. You have a vivid memory of putting them there after you left the house. But when you check they are not there.

At this point you can keep believing that the keys are in your pocket, or you can admit you were mistaken. This
is just like that. You may see clearly that the self is an illusion but still feel a sense of self, just like the keys. But feeling something to be true and seeing that it is or is not is different.

This is why we may find ourselves coming back to your expectations.

Now, I’d like to ask you to explore this SENSE of self very-very thoroughly. Not by thinking about it, but by FEELING it.

Keep the focus of attention on the sense of self and inquire:
Does the sense of self have a location?
Does the sense of self have a shape or a size?
Does the sense of self say or communicate anything?
If the answer is yes, how does the sense do this exactly?

Does the sense of self have any characteristics or attributes?
What is the sense of self ‘made of’? An image? Sound? Taste? Smell? Sensation? Thought?

* one layer deeper (not lager haha)