The Gate

I am following you but am not in love with the screen analogy because though I know you are not talking about an “I” who owns experience the structure of it makes it seem like that which is aware of the screen is separate and distinct from the screen itself. In that way it is a bit messy. But I am satisfied that you are describing an illusion that is always an illusion and does not actually come and go, but only appears to.

Did the illusion, the ‘me’ ever exist?

I-am is still intimate and has the fragrance of me-ness, while the awareness of it is the cliff where me-ness disappears.

That is a very precise observation.
What exactly disappears at that cliff?

What is absent there that is present in the I-am?
Just take a look. This would be on a very subtle level.


Ultimately could the recognition of finding something prior to the personal self be enough? Must it be ‘defined’? (Perhaps you are the explorer to do this… ‘I’ certainly cannot take a position on that lol)

Did the illusion, the ‘me’ ever exist?

Absolutely not (despite its arresting ability).

What exactly disappears at that cliff?

I wish I knew! It's fuzzy, and it's not something I can perceive. Once I try to perceive it, it's gone. This makes sense, since it's not an object within consciousness but rather a non-object beyond consciousness.

What is absent there that is present in the I-am?
Just take a look. This would be on a very subtle level.

It seems that it is total absence, not a space absent of anything. It (there really isn't an 'it') is empty yet aware. It's like the instantaneous act of knowing. Like a creator that's uncreated, beyond the creation but necessarily inseparable from the creation. I don't know if any of this makes sense...

Ultimately could the recognition of finding something prior to the personal self be enough? Must it be ‘defined’? (Perhaps you are the explorer to do this… ‘I’ certainly cannot take a position on that lol)

No, I don't want to define it. I want to see what's real. I've been thrown into existence without my consent, as we all have, and I've been here over 30 years. Now I'm left to figure out what's going on and clean up this mess. It's infuriating, but it's necessary.

I think I agree with you that this edge of the journey is best explored alone... My submission before your first response had a bit of a different goal, but things change. Thank you for engaging in the conversation--I think some things have helped me see this a bit better than before.